Please give me feedback on my unpublished story

(I finished episode 1 ;p)
No R4Rs
Title: The Murder of Elizabeth Thomas
Author: maya8447
Genre: Thriller
Episodes: 1
Cover:


So far it looks good! Obviously, it’s very short, but it’s not finished yet. I would make a different cover if this were my story. Add a nice background maybe?

One advice: I’d make the epilepsy warning longer. Or remove the heavy flashing during that warning. I was still reading the warning when the screen started flashing. It scared the cr-p out of me. :joy:

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If it scared you that means it served its purpose, lol. Tysm for the feedback. :heavy_heart_exclamation:

You’re welcome. :blush:

Yeah, but if I did have epilepsy, I wouldn’t have time to exit the story before the flashes and would’ve been triggered.

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Made it longer. I was so used to reading it that it seemed long enough to me, xd.

It was really good! It was quite short though. The flashing lights really hurt my eyes though.

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UPDATE
I finished episode 1. ; )

It looks really good! Very interesting story and good ending. Made me curious for the next chapter. Some feedback:

  • I still worry about the flashes during the epilepsy warning. How long is the pause before the flashes start? I’m not a slow reader and I still got the flashes while reading the warning.
  • Grammar: “Mhm, her name is Elizabeth Thomas” add a punctuation mark.
  • Grammar: “I should change into some pajamas” add a punctuation mark
  • Grammar: “This are just pajamas.” They are just pajamas.
  • Grammar: “Or, you’ll be next” remove comma, add a punctuation mark at the end.
  • After the evidence bag scene, when we return to MC and those other 2 characters, is there a pause or something in the script? The scene shows the background without the characters for a tiny moment and then the characters suddenly pop up.

Hope this was helpful!

This is really helpful! The pause during the flashes is 7 seconds. I’ll make sure to check out the evidence bag scene.

Tysm! :heavy_heart_exclamation:

Episode 2 is finished!!

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