Please read my story <3

Hello, I just published my story. And I kinda need a revieuw or something.
Name: The Team Of Dead
Genre: Action, Romance
I was inspired by a book but I made my own plot.
Description: Roxy has to go work for The Team Of Dead. She loses her identity forever and wanders around like a ghost. Together with her team: Alexandro, Kaj, Valentine, she goes to Rome to solve a case. In the music school of Fernando Torrez singers keep disappearing. Roxy has to infiltrate the school. There’s an Italian boy on her team: Alexandro. He’s an obscene Italian matcho who thinks he knows everything. He feels way too good to be normal to you. He hates you. And you hate him. But we all know that hate and love are close.
There are also art scene
If you read it and took screenshots please tag me on insta @Liv_writes_epi
This is the link to my story

I hope someone will read it.

Moved to Share Feedback since you’re looking for story reviews. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if you’ve got questions. :wink:

I’ll review it for u babe! I’ll get back to u when I can (:

1 Like

Your first episode was very action packed I might say lol. But the plot did kind of confuse me? And there was a moment where I didn’t understand what you meant by “only sixty times sixty seconds”. In the beginning you also explained how you got your story idea from a movie and felt the need to explain yourself. I think it would be fine if you just put “inspired by the movie …” or “inspired by a movie” as a disclaimer. You also put some reader messages that said “please read the whole thing”, girl be confident in your readers! They’re reading your story because they want to, they chose to press on your story so they’re obviously going to be reading the content inside! There’s no need to ask for them to read the whole thing. If they can’t stand long parts of stories they can go read another one. Speaking of long narratives, I felt as if you spent a lot of time in narrative bubbles, when a lot of it could’ve been acted out through characters and mini narrative bubbles. In all, I feel your story needs to be a tad bit more clear and some edits here and there. I understand English isn’t your first language, but honestly grammar and all wasn’t that bad and I don’t feel you’d need to explain it in the beginning as much as you did. Maybe a mini disclaimer of “English is my second language, please lmk if there are any spelling mistakes” or something around those lines. I recommend you putting disclaimers like that at the end. Hope this helps <3

1 Like

Thank you so mutch<3

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