Please review my first story


I’m looking for some feedback on my first chapter of my story.
It involves an abduction so please be warned.
It’s a Thriller and isn’t really a romance, more like a crime drama - though the MC has a romantic interest.
Not really sure if I will add any romantic tension, but I am not into the cliche romance stories.

This is my first try at making a story, so I welcome all constructive criticism.

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I can do a review :slight_smile:

You can read mine if you want too but I don’t force you lol

Story title : Sandy and her Quadruplets
Author : R.J.
Genre : Comedy
Description : How can she survive with noisy and disobedient quadruplets? Will she finally find the father of her sons ? Here’s the crazy life of Sandy and her quadruplets!
Link :

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I will read yours! Do you want a review too or just for me to read? :blush:

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I really like your story! I added it to my favourites. It’s refreshing because it’s a unique story (in my opinion) and I like the different characteristics between the Quads! I would just warn you that in a lot of places Willy is a word for Penis so if that was intentional, because he’s a dick (lol) I get it but otherwise… be warned!

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Lolll it wasn’t intentional and I didn’t know that :joy::sweat_smile:
Thanks for the review by the way! I’m really glad that you like it :heart: I’ll read yours this night or tomorrow (I didn’t have enough time today but I added it in my fav) :blush:

do you want me to review your story?
You can also review/read mine if you want:

Title: Plan B
Author: Madalynn
Style: INK
Genre: Drama
Description: You’ve put your life of planning prison breaks behind bars for good…or so you thought. When a cocky but charming Braiden Duane asks for your help, will you be able to resist?

Hello Reebjines!
I read your story, and I am giving you an honest review.:blush:

First impression: I suppose you’re not using that cover? With that in mind and without any real discription, I didn’t really know what to expect. If you want a review, you should first write a little summary in your post of what your story is about. Just for next time:wink:
I also recommend you to get a splash or at least put a warning in, as it contains dark themes.
I really like the idea of the plot! It’s original and almost impossible to make boring. I think your story seem realistic as well as your dialogue. Loved the scenes in the end! Really made me want to read more. And ending with a cliffhanger is just perfect. Good job! It is though, moving a bit slow in the beginning, with a lot of pauses with people looking sad. You could have shortened that a little bit. Competing with all the stories on episode, it is SO important to cath the readers interest right away!
I actually love it when you can’t customize any characters, as they become more true to the story (just a personal opinion). So I actually liked that. And go diversity!
We haven’t really gotten to know anything about the MC though, except that her sister is missing and that she is sad about it. Please let us get to know her a bit more before you end the episode. Like who is she? How old is she? What is she doing with her life right now? Working? In school? A student? What differs her from the other characters?
I noticed no big mistakes here. Good job!
Good directing with no big mistakes! Although you have in ny opinion, some awkward pauses where the characters keeps doing the same animation for a bit too long. Like when the sister is scared. Try to make the pause shorter or make her do other animations as well. You also use a lot of the idle_sad animation which can look a bit… monotone. And in the policy station, try to use some spot directing. The screen look a bit crowded.
Overall thoughts:
I think your story has so much potential! I loved the natural flow of your narration and dialogue, and I can tell that you’re a good writer. Try to make the episode a bit longer though, as it will ensure more readers for your next episode. There are some minor things that tends to make your story look a little bit awkward, but they can be fixed. Your ending really got me hooked!
Tag me when you decide to publish!

Sorry! Oh god… And I am supposed to be the reviewer here:sweat_smile: