I read your story, and I am giving you an honest review.
First impression: I suppose you’re not using that cover? With that in mind and without any real discription, I didn’t really know what to expect. If you want a review, you should first write a little summary in your post of what your story is about. Just for next time:wink:
I also recommend you to get a splash or at least put a warning in, as it contains dark themes.
I really like the idea of the plot! It’s original and almost impossible to make boring. I think your story seem realistic as well as your dialogue. Loved the scenes in the end! Really made me want to read more. And ending with a cliffhanger is just perfect. Good job! It is though, moving a bit slow in the beginning, with a lot of pauses with people looking sad. You could have shortened that a little bit. Competing with all the stories on episode, it is SO important to cath the readers interest right away!
I actually love it when you can’t customize any characters, as they become more true to the story (just a personal opinion). So I actually liked that. And go diversity!
We haven’t really gotten to know anything about the MC though, except that her sister is missing and that she is sad about it. Please let us get to know her a bit more before you end the episode. Like who is she? How old is she? What is she doing with her life right now? Working? In school? A student? What differs her from the other characters?
I noticed no big mistakes here. Good job!
Good directing with no big mistakes! Although you have in ny opinion, some awkward pauses where the characters keeps doing the same animation for a bit too long. Like when the sister is scared. Try to make the pause shorter or make her do other animations as well. You also use a lot of the idle_sad animation which can look a bit… monotone. And in the policy station, try to use some spot directing. The screen look a bit crowded.
I think your story has so much potential! I loved the natural flow of your narration and dialogue, and I can tell that you’re a good writer. Try to make the episode a bit longer though, as it will ensure more readers for your next episode. There are some minor things that tends to make your story look a little bit awkward, but they can be fixed. Your ending really got me hooked!
Tag me when you decide to publish!