i need someone to read what i have so far and just tell me what you think so far the story isnt published yet
the link is http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4671449102876672
i need someone to read what i have so far and just tell me what you think so far the story isnt published yet
the link is http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4671449102876672
Hi I hope you donāt mind I give honest feedback, I donāt mean to come across blunt but I feel we need to see the obvious errors to learn as when we write on episode, we have to multi task so itās easy not to see some things.
Opening Scene No biggy but when you have Victoria saying āYeah, well I didnāt, until I met himā I would put a ! after him since you are referring to someone who you fell in love with and although I have read a lot, I am assuming him is someone important!
Your speech bubbles arenāt close to the characterās mouth or at least head, It looks untidy when you have other characters on scene.
I really liked how you did the change hair and lipstick with the animations, it flowed nicely.
The lipstick overlay stays in Victoriaās hand for the rest of the chapter.
I enjoyed the scene with Hollie, great use of comedy.
The scene at the guard desk; you have Victoria at screen left facing left then she walks in. The Receptionist was out of view, unless you meant for her to be, but then when she talks to herself, you canāt see her Victoria exits but stays in view.
The scene at the bossās door, Victoriaās speech bubble tail is the wrong side. I liked how you did the animation to open the door, I only write in limelight so unless that is a ink animation, it still looked good
Office Scene - Valentinaās speech bubble tail is the wrong direction. Riccardo is almost out of view. After the interview, both Victoria and Riccardo arenāt spotted in the right place.
Next scene which you have as present day, Victoriaās outfit is what the reader chose for the interview.
I really enjoyed this storyā¦ Please let me know when you have written some more and I am happy to continue giving you feedback if you wish.
thank you im just about done with episode 2
Your story is really entertaining and the plot is intriguing, I want to know what happens next! lol
ā¦There are some small fixes I would make though:
~ A lot of the time the characterās Victoria is interacting with are off screen, so I would suggest moving them or cutting / panning to the other zones to see them better.
~ I would like to see the interview rather than skipping over it (i.e. how they first interact with each other, if they are nervous, flirtatious, etc.)
~ Iām not sure if itās my phone glitching (because I do have some issues with music on episode) but I would suggest adding more / different music so itās not just the same song playing.
~ Make sure speech bubbles are close to the characters mouth and the toggles are in the correct place.
~ At the end I would make the screen pause longer or put āInstagram: @ā¦ā otherwise it goes away too quickly to read your handle and see your beautiful art!
Other than those tips, I really liked your story - I would definitely read more!
im trying to find a writing partner so they can help me fix all theses little problems as im only just learning about coding
Coding is really difficult, there are plenty of things I still need to learn about it as well. I wish I could offer myself as a writing partner but seeing as Iām working on my own story I have my hands full lol. But if you ever need coding help or have any questions about grammar, feel free to message me anytime!
this is how ive ended episode 2
NARR (RICCARDO)
I canāt believe I have two kids by Victoria.
How am i gonna explain this to my parents.
How am I gonna explain this to Val.
I have to keep my kids and Victoria Safe.
Only way to ensure that happens is to stay away from them.
But one thing Iām sure of now more than ever.
Iām still very much in love with.
Arianna Moretti.
@transition fade out black 3
That all sounds good, but I am a bit confused seeing as I donāt know what all happens in ep2 to get to that point. Some very valuable advice Iāve heard and really take to heart is; make sure you take things very slow so that you can have more episodes and keep people wanting to know how things unfold ((pregnant by an engaged man is a big deal, especially with twins (Iām assuming) so play up the drama!)) I would also only show the one flash-forward in ep1 (present time) and then just continue playing out the past.
This narration will be really good eventually, (I would save it for much later in the story) but I would add question marks to the questions, make the āSā in safe un-capitalized, add āTheā in front of āOnly way to ensure that happens, (comma!) it toā¦ā
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