Proofread for fantasy-adventure

Hello Everyone!

I need someone to proofread my first fantasy-adventure story since english isn’t my first language.
i would love to have a full-time proofreader but if you have time for 1-3 chapters, that’s okay too. :slight_smile:
I appreciate every review. :relaxed: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
I have 3 chapters completely ready, but chapter 4 and chapter 5 are almost done too.
I’m open to any other suggestions and changes (characters, spotting, directing errors)
If you could write me a quick review, that would be awesome.
:pray: :pray:
I would like publish the first 3 chapters in a few days.

Please pm me with your suggestions :slight_smile:

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Hey LanaDRose,

I proofread your story and it looks really good for a first story! Your story is really interesting, I can also see that you improved a lot while making the first part. I haven’t noticed any grammer mistakes, but maybe that’s because English also isn’t my first language

Here are some things that I noticed.

-I think that it can be a bit hard to follow the story sometimes because the pace of the story is a bit to fast and there’s a lot of information in part 1.

-Right before you can change the look of Hailey, she will walk from left to center and she’s bigger when you customize her, but she walks again from the left after you’ve changed her look. Maybe it would be a better idea to zoom in a bit when you costumize her and then do a zoom reset so that she’s back in the same position?

-In the beginning of part 1, when the background pans, it goes a bit fast. You could solve this by coding in how long it takes to pan, for example: @pan to zone 3 in 3 (3 stands for ‘3 seconds’)

-There are times when a character doesn’t speak and does the idle pose for a long time, maybe you could choose animations where the characters has their arms crossed or on their hips for example? (This is just a preference that I have)

-In part 2, you can costumize Nahuel, Aywin and Hailey, but you can’t see the characters while you costumize them. This makes it really hard to costumize them.

I really hope that you will continue writing your story! :grin:

OMG, Thank you so much!! :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes:
I’ll check and correct them!
I don’t know why you can’t see them while you costumize, I have to check that from another phone maybe :thinking:

I’ve checked it again and the characters did appear for me the second time, I don’t know why they didn’t the first time. :woman_shrugging:

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Hi, if you still need a personal proofreader I would be more than glad to help.
English isn’t my first language, but I am really good with grammar and expressions.
So here is my application in case you still need one. :blush:

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