Proofread for me please, love?

Hola amigos! Anyone wanna proofread the first chapter of my new story? It’s a good one folks! I can proofread yours to if you want

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I can proofread for ya. :wink:

This is my first chapter if you want to proofread it.
INT. DUMPY APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT
@YOUNG EMILY spot 0.863 20 346 in zone 2 AND YOUNG EMILY faces left AND YOUNG EMILY is lay_asleep_loop
@pan to zone 2
NARRATOR (EMILY)
I woke up and I went downstairs. Suddenly thirsty.
@YOUNG EMILY spot 0.863 20 346 in zone 2 AND YOUNG EMILY faces left AND YOUNG EMILY is lay_awake_loop
@YOUNG EMILY is stand_up AND YOUNG EMILY spot 0.863 -182 189 in zone 2
@YOUNG EMILY walks to spot 0.863 -91 183 in zone 1
INT. UPSTAIRS - NIGHT
@YOUNG EMILY enters from right to screen left THEN YOUNG EMILY exits left
INT. DELTA HOUSE FOYER - DAY
@pan to zone 2
@YOUNG EMILY spot 0.509 159 375 in zone 2 AND YOUNG EMILY faces left
@YOUNG EMILY walks to spot 0.509 151 340 in zone 2
@YOUNG EMILY walks to spot 0.509 147 308 in zone 2
@YOUNG EMILY walks to spot 0.509 140 259
INT. KITCHEN CLASSIC LUXURY - DAY
@YOUNG EMILY enters from left to screen center
@YOUNG EMILY is reach_kneel_rear
@add Red Cup to YOUNG EMILY
@YOUNG EMILY is drink
YOUNG EMILY (talk_rear)
(What is this?)
@YOUNG EMILY is tinker_loop_rear
@remove Red Cup from YOUNG EMILY
@YOUNG EMILY is reach_kneel_rear
NARRATOR (EMILY)
And saw a note from my dad.

    NARRATOR
It read:

@YOUNG EMILY is talk_read_paper
NARRATOR (DAD)
I am taking Ethan and I am leaving, I have had enough of this. Goodbye, Dad.
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_sad
NARRATOR (EMILY)
I never thought it would be this bad!
@YOUNG EMILY is cry_sob_loop
YOUNG EMILY (idle_sad)
(Now it’s just me and mom.)

    NARRATOR (EMILY)
I knew I had to tell mom about dad. So I went to my parent's room.

@YOUNG EMILY walks to screen center in zone 3 AND YOUNG EMILY is run_athletic
@transition fade out black
INT. UPSTAIRS - NIGHT
@YOUNG EMILY stands screen left AND YOUNG EMILY faces left AND YOUNG EMILY is reach_kneel
NARRATOR (EMILY)
But when I went up my parent’s room was locked.
YOUNG EMILY (talk_call_out)
Mom? Mom!?
NARRATOR
No answer.
NARRATOR (EMILY)
I ran to my bathroom and got the door opener that I had gotten for my birthday.
@YOUNG EMILY faces right THEN YOUNG EMILY exits right AND YOUNG EMILY is run_athletic
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
@YOUNG EMILY enters from left to screen left AND YOUNG EMILY faces right
@YOUNG EMILY is reach_kneel
@YOUNG EMILY faces left THEN YOUNG EMILY exits left
INT. UPSTAIRS - NIGHT
@YOUNG EMILY enters from right to screen left AND YOUNG EMILY is run_athletic
@YOUNG EMILY is reach_kneel_rear
NARRATOR (EMILY)
Nothing. I decided to ram my body into the door hopefully breaking it open.
INT. EURO HOTEL ROOM FLIPPED - DAY
sound door_creak
@YOUNG EMILY stands screen right AND YOUNG EMILY faces left THEN YOUNG EMILY is fall
music off
NARRATOR (EMILY)
When I opened the door, I saw my mom lying on the floor.
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_fallen AND YOUNG EMILY spot 0.993 -74 115 AND MOM stands screen left AND MOM is idle_fallen AND MOM spot 0.855 248 165 AND MOM moves to layer 0 AND YOUNG EMILY moves to layer 1
@speechbubble is 154 158 to 100% with tail_bottom_right
YOUNG EMILY (talk_neutral_lay_exhausted)
Mom?
@YOUNG EMILY is stand_up AND YOUNG EMILY spot 0.992 267 120 THEN YOUNG EMILY is idle_wounded
@YOUNG EMILY is fall THEN YOUNG EMILY is idle_kneel
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_fallen AND YOUNG EMILY spot 0.993 267 120
@speechbubble reset
NARRATOR (EMILY)
I put my ear to my mom’s mouth to see if I hear any breathing.
NARRATOR (EMILY)
But, I heard nothing.

    NARRATOR (EMILY)
I thought my family was perfect.
    NARRATOR (EMILY)
But, I guess I was wrong.

@YOUNG EMILY is stand_up
@YOUNG EMILY is arms_crossed_angry
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_wounded
NARRATOR (EMILY)
At that moment, I had forgotten that I had Cancer.
NARRATOR (EMILY)
But, I had to keep living. So I called the police.
NARRATOR (EMILY)
I grab my moms phone.
@YOUNG EMILY is kneel_reach
@YOUNG EMILY is dustoff_loop
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_phone_hold
@YOUNG EMILY is text_phone_neutral_loop
@YOUNG EMILY is talk_phone_sad_loop
@YOUNG EMILY is text_phone_neutral_loop
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_phone_hold
NARRATOR (EMILY)
Then I called my aunt. Because my mom always said that if there was trouble, I had to call my aunt.
@YOUNG EMILY is text_phone_neutral_loop
@YOUNG EMILY is listen_phone_sigh
@YOUNG EMILY is talk_phone_sad_loop
@transition iris out black
NARRATOR
1 hour later.
INT. DELTA HOUSE FOYER - DAY
@YOUNG EMILY stands screen center AND YOUNG EMILY faces left
sound door_knock
@YOUNG EMILY walks to screen left AND YOUNG EMILY is walk_exhausted
@YOUNG EMILY is kneel_reach THEN YOUNG EMILY faces right
@YOUNG EMILY walks to screen center AND YOUNG EMILY is walk_exhausted AND POLICE1 enters from left to screen left AND REBEECA enters from left to screen right AND YOUNG EMILY moves to layer 1 AND REBEECA moves to layer 0 AND REBEECA faces left AND YOUNG EMILY faces left
POLICE1 (talk_think)
Emily, I need to ask you some questions.
@YOUNG EMILY is nod_loop THEN YOUNG EMILY is idle_sad
POLICE1 (talk_think)
Emily, where did you find your mom?
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_sad
YOUNG EMILY (talk_sad)
I went up to my parent’s bedroom, and I tried to open the door and it was locked. So I rammed my body into it and when the door opened I saw my mom on the floor.
YOUNG EMILY (talk_sad_clutch)
A-and then-
@YOUNG EMILY is cry_sob_loop
@POLICE1 is idle_awkward
YOUNG EMILY (talk_sad)
I saw this note from my dad.
POLICE1 (talk_think)
What did it say?
YOUNG EMILY (talk_sad_clutch)
Here.
@YOUNG EMILY is kneel_reach
@POLICE1 is talk_read_paper AND REBEECA is idle_awkward
@REBEECA faces right
POLICE1 (talk_read_paper)
I am leaving, I have had enough of this. Goodbye, Dad.
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_sad
POLICE1 (talk_arms_crossed)
I am going to start the investigation.
@REBEECA faces left THEN REBEECA is nod_loop AND POLICE1 walks to screen right in zone 2
@YOUNG EMILY faces right
YOUNG EMILY (talk_think)
Who are you?
@REBEECA is idle_awkward
REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
Your aunt.

    REBEECA (idle_awkward)
(I can't tell why I am her "aunt.")
    REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
By the way, you are going to be living with me for now.

@YOUNG EMILY is angry_frustrated
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_angry_arms_crossed
YOUNG EMILY (talk_angry_arms_crossed)
I need to stay here. In case my dad comes back.
@REBEECA is idle_awkward
REBEECA (idle_awkward)
(I feel bad not being able to tell her where her dad really is.)
@REBEECA is breathe_deep
REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
Emily, you’re 13. You can’t live alone. You are better living with your cousins.
@YOUNG EMILY is angry_frustrated
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_angry_arms_crossed
NARRATOR (EMILY)
I slowly realized my aunt was right.
@YOUNG EMILY is breathe_deep AND YOUNG EMILY is think
@REBEECA is breathe_deep
REBEECA (talk_think)
Emily?
@YOUNG EMILY is shocked
REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
I have a present for you.
@YOUNG EMILY is think
@REBEECA is tinker_loop_rear
@YOUNG EMILY changes into YOUNG EMILY_Necklace
@YOUNG EMILY is admire AND REBEECA is idle_awkward
@REBEECA faces left AND YOUNG EMILY faces left THEN YOUNG EMILY exits left AND REBEECA exits left
EXT. DELTA HOUSE - DAY
NARRATOR (EMILY)
My Aunt Rebeeca took me to her house.
@transition fade out black
INT. UPSTAIRS - NIGHT
@YOUNG EMILY spot 1.181 85 -3 AND REBEECA stands screen center AND REBEECA moves to layer 1 AND YOUNG EMILY moves to layer 0
@speechbubble is 151 240 to 100% with tail_top_right
REBEECA (talk_call_out)
Girls, can you please come out here?
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_awkward AND YOUNG EMILY faces right
@JEN spot 0.653 352 150 AND CHLOE walks to spot 1.144 267 37 AND JEN walks to spot 0.653 241 152 AND YOUNG EMILY moves to layer 2 AND REBEECA moves to layer 3 AND CHLOE moves to layer 0 AND JEN moves to layer 1
@CHLOE faces left AND JEN faces left
readerMessage Jen is 3 and Chloe is the same age as Emily(they are both 13.)
JEN (talk_think)
Who’s dis mommy?
@REBEECA is dustoff_loop
@REBEECA changes into REBEECA_No_Shades
REBEECA (talk_neutral_arms_crossed)
This is your cousin Emily.
@JEN is idle_happy
@YOUNG EMILY is idle_awkward
REBEECA (talk_neutral_arms_crossed)
Emily, this is Jen and Chloe.
CHLOE (talk_greet)
Hey!
YOUNG EMILY (talk_think)
Um…why is Jen smiling like that?
JEN (talk_excited)
New friend!
@JEN is cheer_loop AND REBEECA is laugh_crack_up AND CHLOE is laugh_chuckle AND YOUNG EMILY is laugh_chuckle
@transition fade out black
INT. BLACK - NIGHT
NARRATOR
3 years later.
INT. DUMPY APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY
@EMILY changes into EMILY_Casual3
@EMILY stands screen right AND EMILY faces left
@EMILY is text_phone_neutral_loop
sound door_knock
NARRATOR (REBEECA)
Emily, can I come in? We need to talk.
sound off
@EMILY is disappointed
@EMILY is dustoff_loop
EMILY (talk_call_out)
Come in.
@REBEECA enters from left to screen center
EMILY (talk_think)
So, what do we need to talk about?
@REBEECA is idle_sad
NARRATOR (EMILY)
The minute I ask my aunt what we need to talk about she looks at the ground.
@REBEECA is breathe_deep
NARRATOR (EMILY)
Then she takes a deep breath.
REBEECA (talk_neutral_arms_crossed)
Emily,
NARRATOR (EMILY)
She sighs. But continues.
REBEECA (talk_neutral_arms_crossed)
Our family is separated. Men on one side and women on the other. The men and women are fighting against each other.
@EMILY is think
REBEECA (talk_neutral_arms_crossed)
A war.
@EMILY is idle_terrified
@transition fade out black
INT. BLACK - NIGHT
NARRATOR
1 week later.
NARRATOR (EMILY)
Aunt Rebeeca has told me about some of the people in the war.

    NARRATOR (EMILY)
Mostly women.

@zoom on 153 59 to 327% in 0
@KIERA spot 1.042 153 183 THEN KIERA faces left AND KIERA is arms_crossed
@zoom on 148 217 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 143 364 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 150 404 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 154 467 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 153 475 to 238% in 0.5
@zoom on 153 479 to 154% in 0.5
@zoom on 153 479 to 154% in 0.5
@zoom on 96 470 to 125% in 1
@zoom reset
NARRATOR (EMILY)
This is Kiera Washington.
NARRATOR (EMILY)
Even though Kiera is not part of my family. She is part of the war.
EXT. BLUE - DAY
@zoom on 153 59 to 327% in 0
@DAD spot 1.042 153 183 THEN DAD faces left AND DAD is arms_crossed
@zoom on 148 217 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 143 364 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 150 404 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 154 467 to 328% in 0.5
@zoom on 153 475 to 238% in 0.5
@zoom on 153 479 to 154% in 0.5
@zoom on 153 479 to 154% in 0.5
@zoom on 96 470 to 125% in 1
@zoom reset
NARRATOR (EMILY)
This is my dad.
NARRATOR
Jeff.
EXT. BLUE - DAY
@zoom on 153 59 to 327% in 0
@transition fade out black
INT. BLACK - NIGHT
@zoom reset
NARRATOR
2 weeks later.
NARRATOR (EMILY)
Aunt Rebeeca has told me that we will now start weekly training.
@transition fade out black
INT. GYM - DAY
@zoom reset
@EMBER changes into EMBER_Training
@EMILY changes into EMILY_Training
@REBEECA changes into REBEECA_War_Earbud
@EMBER spot 1.181 213 104 AND EMBER faces left AND EMILY spot 1.154 71 119 AND EMILY faces right AND REBEECA spot 1.028 138 174 AND REBEECA faces right AND REBEECA moves to layer 0 AND EMILY moves to layer 2 AND EMBER moves to layer 1
REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
Let’s start with punching.
@EMILY is nod_loop AND EMBER is arms_crossed
@EMILY is punch_jab AND EMBER is slap_face_receive
REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
Punch harder.
@EMILY is punch_jab AND EMILY is punch_jab AND EMBER is punch_receive
REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
Good. Try again.
@EMILY is punch_jab AND EMBER is punch_receive AND EMILY is punch_jab AND EMBER is punch_receive AND EMILY is punch_jab
@EMBER is idle_wounded
REBEECA (talk_arms_crossed)
That’s enough for today.
@EMILY is nod_loop AND EMBER is idle_wounded THEN EMILY is dustoff_loop AND EMBER is idle_exhausted
@EMILY faces left AND REBEECA faces left THEN EMILY walks to spot 1.154 -103 113 AND REBEECA walks to spot 1.028 -101 141 AND EMBER walks to spot 1.181 -61 86 AND EMBER is walk_exhausted

INT. JUVIE ROW HOME - DAY
@DAD stands screen center AND DAD faces right AND ETHAN stands screen right AND ETHAN faces left
@DAD is talk_neutral_arms_crossed
@EMILY changes into Emily_War
@REBEECA changes into REBEECA_default
@REBEECA enters from left to screen left THEN REBEECA faces right AND EMILY enters from left to screen left AND EMILY faces right AND EMILY moves to layer 0 AND REBEECA moves to layer 1
ETHAN (talk_neutral)
Dad.
@DAD faces left AND DAD is idle_arms_crossed
@EMILY is shocked
EMILY (talk_afraid)
Dad?
INT. BLACK - NIGHT
NARRATOR
That’s the end of episode 1.

If you still need help I could proofread just send me a link

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