Proofreading/Betareading for Squad Contest

I said I would eventually do this, so I’m gonna do it. If you need help checking over your story for the contest, just drop it down using this form.

  • Title:
  • Episode Name:
  • Genre:
  • Description:
  • Completed Chapters:
  • Cover:

There’s no password, and I’ll tell you if I would continue reading based on your first chapter. Bear with me because some days I need to take breaks at times.

Waiting List:




I’ll love if you could proofread mine! By now I’ve only wrote two chapters but I’ll publish the story soon.
But here’s the information I have by now😅
Tittle: Squad: Island survivors.
Genre: Drama

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Okay so I actually posted on your previous review post, is it okay if I post it on here? :joy:

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Thank you! :heart:
One sec…

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  • Title: Squad: Red Conversations
  • Episode Name: Joanna K Rain
  • Genre: Drama
  • Description: On their way to an excursion trip, four high schoolers get lost in a town called Ale Oaks. Parted from their class, they have passionate, red conversations with each other.
  • Completed Chapters: Episode 1 is complete
  • Cover: I’m waiting on it :joy:
    Here’s the link:
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Thanks for doing this, I really need it! :heart:

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Do you want it on this thread or in private messaging?

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What works best for you? :blush:

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Either one tbh.

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Hm, I guess on here? :joy:

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Alright then!

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Alright. I’ve finished reading the episode, and here are my personal thoughts.

  • The intro scene which displayed the warnings felt like it went on for around the right amount of time (a little bit long though). My biggest gripe with it is how the text is kind of hard to read due to its size. I think if it was more centered, bold, and larger, it would pop out more to the reader. The main menu doesn’t seem entirely all that functional because when I try to tap start, it just automatically taps on the customization tab. If that’s intentional, maybe instead of having a tappable screen, you could have the intro segway into the customization screen.

  • I like the background for the customization menu. A thing I noticed is how most of the customization options is within the guide box while “Lips” and “This is perfect!” is below it. This would affect people reading on tablets, and it would make it harder to advance into the story. I suggest moving the speech bubble up higher and maybe zooming out more, so people can see the character better.

  • I like the scene with Selby trying to help Lalitha into bed because it kind of shows their dynamic. I thought the directing was pretty fluid, but I think more zooms could have been used as well as more things to show Lalitha’s exhaustion and her passing out. I wish there was a zoom on Lalitha in bed, and then a zoom on Selby to contrast. I think it would help us see Selby’s emotions more. Instead of whoever is narrating, maybe Selby herself could have an internal monologue, expressing her worry over the state of Lalitha. It would feel more personal if we heard it from herself, instead of an out of body narrator, who I’m assuming is maybe us?

  • Faizah’s scene felt so short to me, and we didn’t get any real insight into her like we do with Selby and Andrea. It seems like she’s struggling with something internally, but I can’t really comment on anything because there’s nothing really to attach to her except for the fact Karine often overpowers her voice.

  • I like how we saw Andrea alone, trying to say a few greetings. I think it shows they might have some low self esteem and confidence issues. That feeling of losing your passion and your friends resonates with me in all honesty, especially when it feels like they ignore you and don’t even care about your advice when they ask for it.

  • I felt the episode ended pretty quickly. We got some background on the characters, but we never really hit what was described in the description about the excursion trip. I think it would’ve help if the scene was longer with the teacher announcing the trip and the reactions of the characters. It would help the plot move along slightly and help develop the characters more by showing their traits.


  • I liked the story concept, and I think there’s some strong character development potential. The thing that’s kind of holding it back in my opinion is the long narrations. It throws off the pacing, making things longer, and some of it is not entirely needed. I think the narration would be more effective if the character themselves are having an internal monologue that’s not too long or short that expresses their thoughts. It would help us get into the mind of the characters and set up their internal struggles.

  • Here are some nitpicks:


  • The directing is pretty fluid for the most part, but there’s awkward pauses at times. Zooms can be faster and more could be implemented. Sometimes, the character doesn’t do a talking animation, and the speech bubble placement isn’t always pointing at the character or in the most convenient spot.

  • Overlays often pop up in the scene, and it ruins the sense of immersion slightly. Not all that much, but it would be better if they were already in the scene. You can do that by using things like &. It’ll make them show up as soon as the scene transitions in, and there won’t be a beat used just for it to appear in the scene.

  • This is really nitpicking, but the character display names kind of threw me off. I think it would help if all the display names had the name people referred to them by instead of their first and last name.


  • I found the grammar to be pretty solid. Just make sure to double check with a grammar checker or a proofreader. I’m not the best at detecting mistakes, but there are very few from what I can tell.


  • I feel like the episode could benefit more if the scenes were longer, so we could get a feel for the situation and the characters’ environment.


  • Is there supposed to be music playing?
  • Is the character we customized the one narrating?

  • Who are the main characters?

I hope this was helpful and not too harsh, and if you need more clarification, just ask.

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Thanks for the help! Here’s my info:

Title: Squad: That summer

Episode Name: Emma.stories

Genre: Mystery, drama

Description: It was supposed to be a great summer. But things took an unexpected turn when one of your best friend was found dead, and you have the feeling that maybe it wasn’t an accident…
Completed Chapters: 2

Cover: I currently don’t have one

I’d prefer to PM you the link if you don’t mind

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Where would you like the review?

In private message, please :slight_smile:

Send the link whenever you’re ready.