Proofreading/Betareading for Squad Contest

I’ll send it right now :slight_smile:

Thanks for this!
There isn’t any music playing, I didn’t find it suitable to add anywhere :joy:.
But I think I’ll look it over once again!
I wanted the narrations to be in third person to give a mysterious vibe, but do you think I should remove it? I find inner monologues of characters to be kind of boring so I mixed it up a little bit.
And about the character you got to customise; I haven’t added her in the story yet.
The four main characters are: Selby, Lalitha, Faizha and Andrea.
And thank you for mentioning the CC button! Because when I tested it on my laptop the same problem occurred, I thought it might just be a problem for me :joy:
And about Faizah, I was going to add in her narrations in the 2 chapter! The first chapter was a kind of prologue to introduce the characters. But I think I’ll add a few more narrations to Faizah’s scene.
I really appreciate your advise!
One questions though: did you feel the need to continue to the read the story? Because I think that’s what every writer hopes to hear from their readers :grimacing:

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I think the narrations gives us insight to the characters’ situations. The thing for me was like who’s talking to the audience? I get the whole internal monologue can be boring. I would advise doing stuff maybe like flashbacks, maybe a few sentences of them worrying over something like a friend or stressing over an upcoming event. Basically try to ground them with what makes them them.

For example, Selby seems to like books, and she gets kind of nervous. In the last scene, you could have her be shocked at the fact Faizah is next to her, and then she blurts something weird out, causing her embarrassment. It would be better to give hints about what happened between them instead of outright saying what Faizah did to her.

I honestly would continue the story mostly for whatever is going with Selby and Lalitha. I’m kind of wondering who Lalitha was talking about in the morning. I believe it was the name Ethan or something like that. It makes me wonder what Lalitha is up to.

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Okay, thank you! This honestly helped a lot! I’ve been bugging literally every one of my friends to tell me if it’s good or if it needs any improvements. RIP to them.
And I think I really needed this constructive criticism!

That’s actually a very good idea :thinking:
I think I do go a bit overboard with the narrations because I usually write traditionally, as in no animations, so this is kinda different for me :joy:.

Thank you for your valuable feedback.

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I can definitely understand that. Writing in the traditional way or on other apps that aren’t like Episode uses a lot of narrations since you can’t really express it for the reader visually. In contrast, Episode allows it to be easier to show emotions through the various animations provided.

It can still be hard to really display the mood since some animation are over the top or so subtle that you can’t understand what it’s trying to say. I think narration can helps balance it out, but I myself have heard and learned that some of the narration I’ve done involving more deep thinking stuff wouldn’t really appeal to the core audience of the app. It’s a tough pill to swallow.

You’re welcome!

Is Miraculous Ladybug a good show to watch anymore? I dropped it after watching a good portion of season 1, and I heard they mainly just dance around some things, and the episodes get more repetitive.

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the recent episodes have gotten a bit sad :joy:. I just watch it because I like Chat Noir :no_mouth:. Still a good show though!

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I’m probably going to close this soon.

  • Title: Squad: Yours Truly
  • Episode Name: maiarose
  • Genre: Mystery
  • Description: They have accepted his death. Their lives have moved on. Then his letter with a desperate plea for help comes. Then another. What if he isn’t gone?
  • Completed Chapters: 1 (I’m so behind)
  • Cover:

Feel free to point out the tiniest mistakes!

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Where do you want the review to be? On here or in PM?

I’d prefer a PM.

Alright then.

Oh, I would need especially the English proofreading…not my native language so pointing out any mistake possible would be great… :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

  • Title: Squad: Caveman
  • Episode Name: Farah DeSantis
  • Genre: Adventure
  • Description: You got trapped with a group of scientists in a cave under the Greenland glacier. Will you survive and discover the truth about the myth of a lost underground tribe?
  • Completed Chapters: 2
  • Cover:

I will PM you the link if you still have time for this. :smiley:

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Oh! For the Episode Name, I mean your name on the app.

lol…that is what happens when you are forriner. :smiley:
added above :point_up_2:

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Title: Squad: The Mirror Effect
Episode Name: Epy Creator
Genre: Action
Description: When a murderer shows up in their town, 5 teenagers team up to find out who it is.
Completed Chapters: 3
Large Cover:
Small Cover:

Does it have to be published when you review it or should I send a link?

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You can just send a link. Would you like the review in private messaging or here?

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In private please. I’ll pm you the link :blush:

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  • Title: Squad: Viravaruthini
  • Episode Name: Krsna
  • Genre: Adventure
  • Description: You are thrown into another dimension to save the world. The fate of the future is in your hands! Are you ready?
    [Mini games, M/F MC, FULL CC]
  • Completed Chapters: 3
  • Cover:


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Do you want it here or in private messaging?

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