R4R : Looking for something to read

Hello fellow episodians!
I was working abroad with no Wifi and missed all the new stuff on episode for half a year.
Now, I have some time to write on my story and get some feedback.
The easiest way to do so, is this r4r thread. Drop your story here and take a look at mine. Just reading and send a screenshot is just fine, but I hope for some honest critic on mine to improve myself. The more you get into detail, the more time I will spend to review your story. I think this is just fair.

So, here is my rather old story that I will update soon with your help and critics:

Name: Time Travelers (Lime)
By Dageeling
Genre: Fantasy (but more like ‘if science got so far, that time machines were real’.)
Summary: Do you really need a summary? It’s about time… spoiler. Fine… It’s about you and my story. Main characters Hailey & Scarlett don’t make it easy for you guys. And as soon as you’ll realize that, you got pulled right into the action before you could ask if there’s a way out.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5525285693095936


Can we do r4r? :slight_smile:

Title: A Different Path
Author: AlwaysAuthor
Genre: Romance
Description: Cadence Allaire: a sixteen year old French girl who moves her life across the world to America. Drama, romance and lies will unfold, can she handle it? LL CC*
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4642924088066048


Cute cover!!! Wanna r4r?

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Interested in r4r!
Here’s my Link:


Hi, let me know if you want to do a R4R!

Title: Risen

Author: Dxmonds / @DxWrites on insta

Genre: Mystery

Style: Ink

Episodes: 20 (still in progress)

Description: Charlotte Black was killed in cold blood. Olivia Everhart was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
But now they’re back, and something’s not right.


The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: RISEN

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sounds good. Would love to do read for read

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yes :slight_smile: you can send me the details of your story

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read for read would be perfect

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Wanna do 6x6?

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thanks! how many chapters do you want to do?

Hi! Wanna do R4R? :hugs:
Tittle: Agent 66: Born to Kill (CC)
Author: xoRoséxo
Style: Limelight
Genre: Action
Chapters: 6
Description: Agent 66 is an infamous assassin. But when a mission gone wrong, 66 kidnaps Sasha - his possible witness, and sets to discovers the truth before it’s too late.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4722588854321152
Instagram: xoroses.episode

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Sounds good! I’ll get started on yours ASAP :slight_smile: I’ll DM you screenshots and feedback

I love exchanging feedbacks! <3

Title: Blackbird
Author: Licorice
Genre: Action
Summary: Being her personal assistant isn’t the only thing Chase’s new boss has in mind for him. Secrets of the underworld begin to unveil, and not everything is exactly as it seems. (Male & female MC, point system, impactful choices)
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 5 (more coming soon)

Link: https://bit.ly/365yrLB
Instagram: @licorice.writes

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there u go, 6 chapters!

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Would you be up for R4R with 9 chapters!?

This is my story:

Title: My SUPERlife
Genre : Action, Romance
Lenght: 9 chapters out, more coming soon…
Description: You need to find out what has happened to your brother. While searching for clues, you end up pushing some wrong buttons, and that will change your life for good. (CC, CM, 3 LI’s)

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/r/s/4975127894491136

And we could share some feedback too!! :grinning:

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Hey girl, are you up for some r4r? Here is my story:

Title : Life in Demby
Author : Megz_episode
Description : The new students arrive in the university of Demby to start their new life. What will happen when the mysterious Author try to draw them into his sick, twisted GAME?
Cover :

Episodes So far 10
Style INK
Genre : drama
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5842077707730944

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I’m down for R4R!

Title: Losing Control
Author: Jessie
Genre: Romance, Drama
Summary: Law student Nora finds herself falling in love with the son of New Orleans’ most notorious gang leader despite her better judgement. How serious will the consequences be?
Chapters: 8 (More to come)
Style: Limelight
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5517839197601792

Hi, here is my feedback.

  1. STORY TITLE - is not original there are around 14 stories wit the same or similar name

  2. COVER - nice I like it but I am not sure if it is really dragging the reader to try the story…seems to me that stories with characters on the cover seem more attractive to the readers

  3. STORY DESCRIPTION - the being pulled by characters… I assume you meant story characters but honestly, it took me a bit time to get it :D…bu can be just because English is no my native language.

  4. CHPTER 1

I must say I, in general, dislike thy type of intro where either author or character is explaining something to me instead of just getting straight to the story - why I do not like it? Because I believe if the story is good it doesn’t need any explanation before it starts.

Yours was an exception even in the moment she said we already lost some readers I thought yeah you will lose mee soon too… but then it turned to be actually part of the story and it was a pleasant turn. :smiley:
Actually, the only thing I was missing was the music - I love when every scene has music it helps to get the feeling author intended to and scenes without music are for me always more boring in a way I would suggest to add …tho one who do not as it can always turn down the volume. :wink:

The hand overlays were great and super animated. Also the sky and falling down - mmmmmm I like the good directing ad you for sure have one.

Ha ha…OK I am invisible and thay do not hear me that is hilarious I really like the way you put me as a reader inside the story this way. Wery original.

Hmm…I wanted the apples yet one dollar was too much but in the next scene, there is no problem to go on icecream…bit inconsistent. :smiley:

Hmm. I just cleaned the ice cream and my feeling from the "being a viewer bit changed in this moment - I do not have the feelig mine choices actually do have some impact …like making them dislike some sort of ice cream …and my thought bubbles in this moment are more like distraction from the two sis story. I would actually love in this moment to made some really bad choice for them …yeah I am mean but it would be fun to be really god in this story, which previously felt it will be but now it seems to me it will not.

In general - the characters and dialogues are really good written. Your story is catchy and directing way above average. I haven’t spotted any directing mistakes. The length of the episode was good and in general, the story caught my attention.

From the directing point of view, I was missing only the music. From the writing point of view, I am satisfied even I am a bit worried that what started as amazing innovation - me in the story as the viewer will start to be more like a distraction from what is going on with the girls, and that I might get fed up with “my” thought bubbles which do not relate to what I really think in that particular moment…I really hope I as the character will really see I have an impact on the story in the future, if not then I will be really disappointed.

But in this moment I am really interested in reading next chapter.

  1. CHAPTER 2

I still like the story of the girls but what I was worried of is happening.I was for the purpose of taking what seemed to me as wore choice nad it had no significant impact. like I was ironic and still got the job.
Also, I am not relating to “you” thoughts …and it, therefore, feels distractive…like when the red-haired is telling the sport guy he is nothing special and thought bubble of me looking for choice because I am supposedly wanting to change this…nah I AM NOT! :smiley: There is a problem that me in the story is not at all as me so um…I start to have a problem to relate to it more and more. And because I like the main story of the girls I in this moment would prefer to not have that “you” character there telling me what am I supposed to think. If the reader is like the you he will love it I guess. I can see what kind of humor you are trying to bring there with it but still, it is bit distractive for me in this moment…I was hoping for more. like me invisible solving some mystery (I still hope it will become more interactive in future for “you”) but this starts to feel like normal story which only tries to look different from this view of a reader.

I still love your writing style, you are excellent writer and that doesn’t mean the story is bad or anything. I am just honestly sharing my feeling in the moment I read it because you wanted honest feedback. :slight_smile:

  1. CHAPTER 3

I on purpose did all wrong regarding the coffe order and still seem I will have the job…so the feeling the “you” is somehouw important is totaly gon now, it is hart for me now to pla along with the “you” and it seem to me just like added character to make the tory bitt differnt…I start to thing were will something timetraveling shit start to happen…still anjoing the main story BTW.

I know it is very difficult to make meaningful choices which give feeling you really influence the story.problem is it is not working in yours for me I mean I did literally everything to piss of the mean woman and I still have the job, I feel now that the choices make only small alternations but do not affect the story which would be totally OK with normal story but seems to me not enough with the new “you” character…seems like totally cool idea and I still like it however I have feeling you could have pressed more out of it. Maybe if you would be using some point system and I would need to reach a certain number of points to get home I would be much more thinking about my choices and I would probably not gone all bad and evil (which now I am because I wanted to test the interactivity)

SUMMARY - excellent writing and directing - dialogues are good written nf the story flows smoothly. I bet lot of readers will really love the you character because it brings something new and brings some sort of humor to the story.

However, I have the feeling you didnt used it full potential. I would appreciate if I really would have felt my choices matter, which I do not have the would make from a good story which it already is a total bombshell.

Also in 3 chapter, I would honestly expect already in the girls story something time-traveling .atlas some hint that it will be really in the story…in this moment after 3 chapters I have the feeling you actually might do this forever and there will never be any time machine and just at the end there will be some scene making me returning back and if so I would be really disappointed. :smiley:

Minor things I noticed - no CC - some readers migh get turned off by this…I personally do not need CC so I do not mind that much.
Also, I noticed that by the dark-skinned men you use a bit too light glossy lips …it loos bit like “blackface” to me and it seems to me bit darker lips would suit them better.

The last word - your story is really really good written, it was difficult to find what is not perfect and might have some improvement, but I did what I could to dig out some. hope it will help you. :slight_smile:
lots of love from me.

Woah. Thank you so much for your critic!

Writing choices that really matter is hard. When I started writing, the simplest choices required hard thinking and concentraton, because I was not used to direct and program, yet I wanted to seem good in directing and spend a lot of time on overlays and special stuff. Yes, when I think about it, it feels like cheating. Having this “you” character in there seems to be so different from other stories, but in the end, “you” is limited to my thoughts and some choices I write.

When the story advances, you can see more complex choices. There are still some things, that can’t be changed. The girls must get the job. Otherwise the story is not working. And in the end even “you” realises, that there is some kind of fate to that. With some choices it doesn’t matter how bad you **** it up, fate still draggs the girls in this direction. Yes, frustrating, but it’s the same in real life.

I heard some other readers dropping hints on the thoughts of “you”. I will take a look and try to cancel out some lines.

I know that the story starts with action and in the middle (chapter 3-6) it looses some of it and no real time travel is seen. But I felt like it would help to build the realtionship between the three main protagonists. I really hate it, when the girl falls in love with the boy on first sight and they marry the day after. Chapter 3-6 carefully drop some hints, that readers can combine in the follwoing chapters on their own or through “you”.
Getting “you” involved into the riddling process was my intent, but I can see how I didn’t completey succeed in that. I will think about that too while I rewrite the first chapters.

I just hope my story is unique and likable enough that readers will follow till chapter 7, 8 or 9, where the story will take a different turn and some hints are revealed.

Yet, I have everything planned out for months. I know how the story will end. That’s why I can put so many little clues in there. Eye colours, habbits, wording. Is every person really the one they seem to be? Do they get help from someone all along and that’s why they can’t mess certain things up?
I know that readers have to read through a lot to uncover that and puzzle together every piece.
Hopefully, I don’t loose them because I don’t give them too much cake in the beginning.

So thanks again for your thoughts. I will keep it in mind when I rewrite some chapters.

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