Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts!
So, here you go:
Plot
I like where you’re going with the plot so far! It has a sitcom type vibe that I’m really into.
Directing
I thoroughly enjoyed your custom backgrounds–I feel like they help set your story apart from others on the platform! I also just want to appreciate the school scene with all the background characters in chapter 1-- I know from experience that took a big chunk of your time gurl
The only recommendation I have is for the scene in chapter 2 when Elton and Michelle are together in the park asking each other questions. From the reader’s point of view, the dialogue was quite fast paced. I would suggest having pauses in between questions and the characters just idle for a few seconds before asking another question–this would make things more realistic as the characters would take a few moments to pause and digest the information they learned and then continue the conversation!
Character Development
You’ve done so well with developing characters so far! Chapter one let us into Jessica’s and Michelle’s friendship and helped us get some background knowledge on their personalities and aspirations. And then chapter 2 went even deeper and allowed the audience to connect more with Michelle, as we learned about her father and her love interest!
Final Thoughts
An engaging plot and relatable characters, all while English is your second language–dang girl, what a great job so far!
Keep up the hard work @Leathelion and thank you for submitting your story to the thread!
Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts!
So, here you go:
Plot
Your creativity is outstanding! I really love how the story is tailored around the reader’s individual choices–these story branches not only make the audience feel that they have a strong impact on the story and strengthens their connections to the characters, but also speaks a lot for your dedication to your writing!
Directing
In general your directing was great! I thought the fortune telling minigame where we got to choose our own Tarot cards was awesome! I was also completely blown away by the originality of your customization directing! Although I did come across a few things that I think could be quick to fix:
Until the end of chapter 1 I just assumed there was no music–not knowing that you created your own playlist of songs on Spotify/Apple Music for us readers to listen to while reading! This is super out of the box and thoughtful, which definitely gives your story a uniqueness on the platform. I highly recommend mentioning the playlist in the very beginning of the story so there is no confusion for your audience!
When the main character went into the office to speak with the captain she entered from the ground! Meaning that she was on screen when she entered, rather than entering from off the screen.
I also saw when you tried to transition fade in black (at the fancy dinner scene) but a girl popped up for a second-- I believe an ampersand (&) would be able to fix this. So code the scene somewhat like this: @cut to zone ? @zoom on x y to z% in 0
&CHARACTER spot x y z AND CHARACTER is idle (insert all your spot directing here) @transition fade in black 2
There was also a minor zoom error when Cass introduces himself in chapter 1–the camera is too close to his face (so much so that half of his face is off the screen)
Character Development
I feel that so far I know a lot about Cass and his painful past, and I’m curious to know more about the main character! I’m wondering how she got into her profession and more about her relationship with her family.
Final Thoughts
This truly is Episode Interactive at its finest–a story that really depends on the reader’s decisions! I can definitely tell how much time you’ve dedicated to your writing!
Keep up the hard work @clearly_not_a_alien and thank you for submitting your story to the thread!
Congratulations on publishing your first story @N_Olivia! If you’re interested in getting some feedback on your writing please don’t hesitate to check out the rules I’ve posted at the top of the thread.
No problem @braily! If you’re still open for a r4r with me, see the rules I’ve posted previously! And by the way your cover is gorgeous!
Congrats on releasing your first story @episode.isabelaaa! See the rules I’ve posted at the top of the thread and I’d be more than happy to read and give you feedback on your new story!
Thank you for this thread! Would love to do a R4R with you! I’ll PM you my screenshots on insta (@lynn.episodewriter)
Author: lynn.episodewriter Title: Saving Grace Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Summary:
In a world like our own, those who enroll in one of the five magic academies will have a chance to change the world. When four of The Zodiacs, magical artifacts that can amplify one’s abilities, are gathered, an individual’s wish may be granted. Except, Grace has no intention of pursuing its power. Style: Limelight Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6535901612277760
Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts!
So, here you go:
Plot
The plot is very real and very relevant to our society today–I really like that out of such a difficult time, you’ve managed to use your platform in a creative way to shed light on the highs and lows of the current state of our world, and also spread awareness.
Directing
Overall your directing is really good! I appreciated all the overlays and custom backgrounds that you added into your story as they made it an even more memorable story and experience for your readers. Additionally, I loved how you incorporated small dialogue choices here and there. Even though they weren’t major story branches, it made me feel like I had a say in the storyline! Although, there were quite a few little things I picked up on that I think are really fast and easy to edit!
In chapter 1 right after I picked out the main character’s name, there was a directing error as the narrator said “NAME” instead of the name I chose, “June”–this may be because of a typo in your script, an extra space, or something in this nature.
I suggest changing up your music more frequently as sometimes it felt like the song played for too long/in too many scenes.
Speaking of music, I highly recommend fading sounds in and out for a subtle but notable story detail!
You could code something like this:
(Music fading out): volume music 0 4000
-The “0” is the actual volume of the sound. “4000” is the time it takes for the sound to reach the acquired volume (4 seconds)
(Music fading in): volume music 50 4000
Lastly, for an even more realistic look, I have recommendation for you in regards to your Facetime scenes! You could bring the character speaking close to the screen (this can either be done by zooming in on them or using spot directing to scale them larger so they look closer to the screen)-- this will create an effect to make it look like the character is holding the phone, as someone would do in real life when on a Facetime call!
Character Development
At first I was going to say that the chapters were too short, but now I’m actually thinking the length could work in your favor. I’m not sure if this is your idea already, but maybe “Quarantine Lovers” could be a mini series (10-15 chapters long rather than a super long Episode story). I think this super unique approach could be a huge draw on the platform, as readers could binge read the story. I’ve found that a lot of people on the app prefer stories that are finished–and with shorter chapters you could complete the series in a quicker amount of time!
Final Thoughts
From a reader’s point of view, I’ve really enjoyed your story so far and especially liked the factor that the chapters are short enough in length for me to get into the story and progress through the plot with ease!
Keep up the hard work @episode.isabelaaa and thank you for submitting your story to the thread!
Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts!
So, here you go:
Plot
I’m really liking how you’ve set up the storyline so far–especially in regards to the flashback that Grace keeps having. I’m wanting to know more about who else was there (besides Grace) during the fire! Though, I was a little confused in chapter 1 about the interview process–it wasn’t clear to me that there were two parts (both physical and verbal)–so when Grace started doing some quick time events I was a bit lost. Therefore I suggest explicitly mentioning while Grace and Liam are talking beforehand that the interview is two parts to eliminate any confusion!
Directing
Girl, I have so much appreciation for all your background character work and placement! There were so many scenes that I was blown away by because of how many background characters you used and how well they were directed! I do though have a few directing recommendations that I think could really improve your story!
Try adding in some neutral background music! There were some times during the story where I think any neutral music would do wonders in engaging the readers more during these less intense scenes!
Watch out with using looping animations–there were many times when a character was supposed to be done with their statement but the animation was looping (so the character’s mouth was still moving). Just be sure to make the character do a non-talking animation after using a looping one while they spoke!
I came across a zoom error in chapter 1 after Grace completed her test-- when Grace entered the room for the verbal interview, the camera was very zoomed in and I couldn’t see what was happening (you may have just forgotten to reset the zoom).
Character Development
I’m loving Grace and Thomas’s brother sister relationship (#siblinggoals) and I can see how much they care and lean on each other!
Also, I loved how you teased at what happened with Grace’s parents in chapter 2–implying that there’s more we don’t know and more to look forward to uncovering!
Final Thoughts
You’ve done a great job in engaging and keeping your readers their toes! I’m curious about what’s to come!
Keep up the hard work @Lynn.Writer and thanks for submitting your story to the thread!
-Ms P
i will definitely incorporate these elements into my story and fix the errors you mentioned! thank you so much again for your feedback! it really does mean a lot
Hi, Thank you for this thread and I would love to do r4r with you, I’ll send my ss later on and follow you on instagram as well. Author : Maria.writes Title: : Tame Her Heart Genre : Romance Episodes : 4 (more coming soon) Description : NYX caught KNOXX’s Heart. But what happens when 2 unexpected encounter made him Crave to Tame and Tease you. Will ROMANCE distract you from hunting your Parent’s killer?[CC,LL,ART] Style : LL Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5943861013839872 Large Cover : Small Cover : Instagram :@hart.episode
your story is also awesome I’ll keep reading it 
See the rules I’ve posted at the top of the thread and I’d be more than happy to read and give you feedback on your new story!
) and I can see how much they care and lean on each other!
