READ FOR READ (I'll give you some feedback too!)

Hi, I’d love to do a r4r :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart:
So here’s my story:

Title: Reality behind Glasses
Genre: Drama/ Romance
Chapters: 3 (Chapters 4 & 5 locked due to revamping)
Style: Limelight
Description: After a heated dispute with her parents, Layla decides to run away and return to her home country - disguised as a guy! But what happens when someone finds out your little secret?
Instagram: @tsukino.episode
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5385205688631296
Cover:

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STORY NAME: ”Soon to be Bride”

AUTHOR: Isabella Love

GENRE: Romance

Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts! :two_hearts:

So, here you go:

Plot

I think your concept is quite interesting and is able to take your story in a multitude of different directions! I really don’t know what is coming next!

Directing

I do think this is an area of yours that needs a bit of improvement–but for a brand new writer this is totally normal and understandable! I promise you that with more time and practice your directing will only get better! For now, I have some recommendations and suggestions that can help!

  • I noticed that your customization for both the main character and our love interest do not have the most recent features Episode has put onto the app! I know at least for me, I love the new updated features and think your readers would want to have them included in your story! So I’ll give you links you can use to incorporate the most recent Episode features into your writing:

Here is a template for the updated female features:


Here is a template for the updated male features:
  • On another note, if you want a better chance at having your story be featured by the Episode team themself, then I highly recommend you censor your curse words–something like: “what the h*ll” or “oh sh *t”

This way, your story can be appropriate for an even broader audience.

  • I see that you commonly do transitions into the new scene where the camera pans to the characters from off screen, but the characters show up a second after the camera pans to them. Here’s the coding to fix this:

@cut to zone ? (Whatever zone is where the characters aren’t actually standing in)
&CHARACTER spot x y z in zone ? AND CHARACTER faces ? (put in your spot directing here. By using the “&” sign this will allow the current action to be immediately done by the characters and then continue with the script at the same time!)
@pan to zone ? in 3 (Whatever zone that the characters are supposed to be standing in)

  • Lastly, I highly recommend adding some music! This will greatly enhance the reading experience and keep your audience engaged during less intense scenes!

Character Development

  • I like that in chapter 2 we get to see more into Scarlette’s difficult home life–it makes me feel more connected to her character!

  • I’m also very curious about how Scarlette and Brad met and how their relationship grew!

Final Thoughts

Congratulations again on your new story! I can really see all the creativity and heart that you’ve put into your writing.

Keep up the hard work @JennIzzy_Love and thank you for submitting your story to the thread!

-Ms P

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I am really very grateful for your honest views…i am really working hard on directing because I know that’s where I have hard time… It shows many glitches when I read my own story and that’s why I am not able to know how would it be presented to the readers… But still I’ll strive on it and update it as soon as possible and also work on all your advices…
Thanks again for your feedbacks it means a lot

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Of course, that’s totally understandable. Your hard work and motivation will pay off, I promise!

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STORY NAME: ”Tame Her Heart”

AUTHOR: Maria.writes

GENRE: Romance

Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts! :two_hearts:

So, here you go:

Plot

I can really tell how much thought you’ve put into your plot! It’s very interesting and detailed. There were a few things that did strike me though:

  • For a long time I was confused on the the relationship between Knoxx and the Hollins family–in the end I had to just imply that they all worked together as assassins. So my advice to you is to explicitly explain their connection to each other in the beginning to clear up any of this confusion!

  • Now I’m saying this in the nicest and most friendly way possible–but there was a line in the first chapter that compared autism to situational depression, which is completely incorrect. I highly, highly advise you to either do some research and edit this scene as soon as you can or just delete and avoid talking about this topic in your writing altogether–as this could be highly triggering content since you are spreading false information about mental health.

Directing

I thought your beginning art scene and directing around it was amazing and super memorable! In general you did great in this area–there were only a few little things I noticed that can be super quick to fix/add in:

  • Try fading your music in and out for a professional touch! Here is what the coding looks like for it:

(Music fading out): volume music 0 4000
-The “0” is the actual volume of the sound. “4000” is the time it takes for the sound to reach the acquired volume (4 seconds)

(Music fading in): volume music 50 4000

  • Additionally, in the home invasion scene when the mother was shot, she was layered behind the shooter which looked a bit off when she fell down. All you have to do is just simply make the shooter be the lowest layer out of all the people in the room (from the very beginning of the scene) to get rid of this small error.

Character Development

  • I really like how you’ve written about the main character’s painful backstory in a way that we as readers can come to understand why she acts the way she does, and what motivates her!

  • I’m looking forward to learning more about Knoxx and his past! I feel like there’s more to him than what meets the eye :wink:

Final Thoughts

Such creativity and thought behind this story!

Keep up the hard work @mariawrites and thank you for submitting your story to the thread!

-Ms P

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STORY NAME: ”Reality behind Glasses”

AUTHOR: Tsukino

GENRE: Drama

Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts! :two_hearts:

So, here you go:

Plot

How do I even put into words how in love I am with the storyline? You’ve absolutely killed it and I’m beyond hooked on your story. The way you narrate, give us readers choices that truly impact the story, and just write your story in general is so incredibly unique!

Directing

YOU ARE INSANE!! The custom backgrounds and overlays, the customization directing, the advanced zooms–you are able to incorporate all these elements into your directing in such a way that adds so much more depth to your story! I love it!

  • I feel so nit-picky saying this :joy: but literally the only error I noticed was in a scene from chapter one where Layla says “a high-ranking job that would bring high income…” and there was a guy holding nothing in his hands but then the prop (a paper) appeared a few seconds later–this can be fixed by coding:
    @add PROP to CHARACTER
    @CHARACTER spot xyz in zone ?
    (Code the prop before the spot directing)–and use an “&” if the character shows up earlier than he’s supposed to.

Character Development

  • You’ve done such an astounding job in letting us into Layla’s world–I feel so connected to her character already! I also think it was so clever of you to hide from us what Layla’s parents said to her to make her want to up and leave! It adds even more suspense and intrigue to the story!

  • The only suggestion I have for you is to make it more clear of who Ryan is when we meet him! I thought he was our boyfriend :exploding_head:–until I later put it together that he works for Layla’s family company and is only a good friend!

.
Final Thoughts

The drama, the comedy, the suspense! I literally felt all the feels while reading–just as if I were watching a TV show. I’m super excited to see where the story is going next and will definitely be keeping up with the chapters as you update!

Everyone please go show this story some love! Thank you so much @Tsukino_94 for submitting your story to the thread and keep up with the hard work!

-Ms P

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Omg thank you so much, you literally made me cry :sob::sob:. I’m SO glad you enjoyed reading it, it means the world to me! And thanks so much for your suggestions, it really helps a lot!! :pleading_face::heart::heart_eyes:
And also thanks for taking your time for making this!
I really enjoyed reading your story and I will definitely keep on reading it! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Thank you so much for this feedback and I will definitely fix my errors, thank you thank you​:cherry_blossom::heart:

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STORY NAME: ”My Bestfriend’s Surrogate”

AUTHOR: everything_anazzlyxo

GENRE: Drama

Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts! :two_hearts:

So, here you go:

Plot

Your concept is very interesting and I think that it brings something new to the platform! I also really like how we’re able to look at a character’s dreams at the end of the chapters! It’s very unique and helps set your story apart from others.

Directing

For you, this is an area that you could improve. But just know that with time and more experience in the Episode world, you WILL get better! I promise! For now, here are some details that I think you can work on:

  • Add some music! This detail will add so much more depth and keep your readers engaged when there are less dramatic scenes.

  • I recommend using fade out to black rather than just cutting straight to a black screen. Here’s what the coding looks like if you want to give it a try:

@transition fade out black 2
(The “2” can be substituted with however many seconds you want the fade to last!)

  • I also noticed that sometimes a would character show up a few seconds after the scene started.
    Here’s the coding that should fix this:

EXT. GRIFFITH PARK - DAY (Your background)

@cut to zone ? (Whatever zone the characters are in)
@zoom on x y to z% in 0 (Your zoom)

&CHARACTER spot x y z in zone ? AND CHARACTER is idle_rear AND CHARACTER faces left

(put in your spot directing using an “&” to get your characters to do the animation AND have the script continue!)

  • Lastly, I recommend working on the placement of your speech bubbles! This small directing detail can go so far in making the story visually appealing! So work on making sure the speech bubbles don’t cover up a character’s face while they speak or that they aren’t too large.

Character Development

  • My only suggestion for you here, is to explain past events more with flashbacks (not just in the dreams). I think this especially applies to when Sheraya explains her and Ethan’s relationship and how they met. I personally felt that it was quite rushed since she only narrated it. I think that visually explaining their past would do wonders in getting us readers more connected to their story!

Final Thoughts

Congratulations on your brand new story Anazzly! Keep up the hard work!

-Ms P

Hey I been reading this and I love it :slight_smile: are you gonna be continuing it :slight_smile: my grandad passed away from lung cancer so writing about this awful disease and raising awareness is something that is really inspiring so I want to thank you

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Aww thank you! It means the world to me you love it! And yes, I will continue it, but I’m entering the new contest and I am going to focus on that for the next month or so☺️

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Thank you for this thread🥰
Here’s mine :black_heart:

Title : The Detective Diaries
Genre : Mystery/ Action/ Romance
Style : Limelight
Episodes : 5 (more episodes coming soon)
Link :http://episodeinteractive.com/r/s/5178082767077376
Description : You are sent to Greece for a mission. There you meet a hot irresistible guy. Will you be able to focus on your mission? What’s gonna happen when you discover a horrifying secret?

Episode account : O.livia
Ig handle : @olivia.stories_

hi! would you like to do a read for read?

title: Little Lies
genre: romance/drama
chapters: 8 (ongoing)
description: So, you’ve fallen for your best friend’s brother. But what happens when she forbids you from dating him? Can you keep this little lie?
chapters: 8 so far, more coming!
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6148371681837056
insta: els.episode

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STORY NAME: ”Little Lies”

AUTHOR: Ellie

GENRE: Drama

Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts! :white_heart:

So, here you go:

Plot

Your concept is a total classic–falling for the best friend’s brother! And I’m not mad about it at all :shushing_face:
There’s already been so much suspense and drama–I’m curious for how things will play out! Although, I do wish us readers could make choices. It makes reading any Episode story a much more immersive experience!

Directing

Overall, your directing was great! I do have a few suggestions for you that I think could make the story even more cohesive:

  • Add some music! This detail will add so much more depth and keep your readers engaged when there are less dramatic scenes.
  • I noticed that you use looping animations a lot, which is fine! Just be careful to not have the character continue that animation after they are no longer talking, it makes the gameplay feel less realistic. So, after the character says their line have them stand idle while the other person responds!

Here’s an example of what the coding could look like (the “&” symbol allows the character to do the animation and the script to continue at the exact same time):

BELLA (talk_sad_serious_loop)

This isn’t fair!

&BELLA is idle_sad

MILLIE (talk_confused_mindblown)

What do you mean Bella?!

Character Development

  • I do wish the side characters (Lottie, Mille, family members?) and even Bella herself had a bit more developmen/backstory–maybe this will come in later chapters, but I think setting up a framework early on could add so much more to the storyline!

-Some questions to think about: What is Bella’s homelife like apart from school? Why should the readers be rooting for Bella? What is Lottie’s background like–her family, relationships, other hobbies than cheer? Has something happened in Millie’s past to make her so protective over her brother? How did Millie, Lottie, and Bella all initially meet?

Final Thoughts

If you’re looking for a flirty romance tale that packs on the drama, this is the story to be reading! Keep up the hard work @elliebrooke and thank you for submitting to the thread!

-Ms. P

thank you so so much :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: i’ll definitely take that advice on board :heartpulse:

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Nice thread! Would you be interested in reading the same amount of chapters from my story as I’ve read with yours? Say 6x6. Let me know if this works for you. :slight_smile:

Title: Treasure In You
Author: L.Q. Walter
Instagram: @lqwalter.episode
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Chapters: 6 (more coming soon)
Style: Limelight
Description: After discovering an old diary she believes will lead her to the location of a long lost treasure, she teams with an unlikely ally: a guy who is downright cocky yet wickedly hot!
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5342141547216896

Sure! Just DM me a screenshot of how far you’ve read “Dear Luna” and I’d love to read 6 chapters (and give you feedback on 3/6)

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Hey) I would love to do r4r :blush:
3x3 will be okay? My ig: @epi.ksu

Reveal: Our little secret

GENRE: Drama

DESCRIPTION: What could be better than meeting five close friends at a student party? Such events are extremely rare. However, things don’t get so rosy when a dead girl is found in the house. Who is behind this and what is the little secret of each of them?

•Full CC

•One LI

•Sounds & Music

•Point System, Choices matter, Mini games

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Thank you! I’ll do that :slight_smile:

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Hi I would love to do a r4r with you!!

IG: __queen_episode
Story: The Precarious Betrayal
Chapters: 12
Style: limelight
Genre: romance/Drama


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