STORY NAME: ”Little Lies”
Please keep in mind that I am in no way bashing your story and hard work. I am just trying to give you my honest thoughts!
So, here you go:
Your concept is a total classic–falling for the best friend’s brother! And I’m not mad about it at all
There’s already been so much suspense and drama–I’m curious for how things will play out! Although, I do wish us readers could make choices. It makes reading any Episode story a much more immersive experience!
Overall, your directing was great! I do have a few suggestions for you that I think could make the story even more cohesive:
- Add some music! This detail will add so much more depth and keep your readers engaged when there are less dramatic scenes.
- I noticed that you use looping animations a lot, which is fine! Just be careful to not have the character continue that animation after they are no longer talking, it makes the gameplay feel less realistic. So, after the character says their line have them stand idle while the other person responds!
Here’s an example of what the coding could look like (the “&” symbol allows the character to do the animation and the script to continue at the exact same time):
This isn’t fair!
&BELLA is idle_sad
What do you mean Bella?!
- I do wish the side characters (Lottie, Mille, family members?) and even Bella herself had a bit more developmen/backstory–maybe this will come in later chapters, but I think setting up a framework early on could add so much more to the storyline!
-Some questions to think about: What is Bella’s homelife like apart from school? Why should the readers be rooting for Bella? What is Lottie’s background like–her family, relationships, other hobbies than cheer? Has something happened in Millie’s past to make her so protective over her brother? How did Millie, Lottie, and Bella all initially meet?
If you’re looking for a flirty romance tale that packs on the drama, this is the story to be reading! Keep up the hard work @elliebrooke and thank you for submitting to the thread!