So i read your story and here are some screenshots.
I gotta say the pot is really good and strong.
The dialogues are spot on, i absoutely love the witty answers lilly gives i love that theres humour in it
overall your story is really good and i see a lot lot lot of potential in it…
but one thing, i personally think it would be better to have the characters walk offscreen when they change clothes you know the clothes are just magically changing here and i find it a little weird
also when you use ‘loop’ animations, make sure to stop them after a certain time, maybe its just me but i found it really awkward when dylan?(im sorry i have horrible memory), the male MC, kept on nodding his head at the police station scene
thats just my opinion tho but i hope you’ll recheck them?
but honestly the use of zooms and directing makes it look visually attracting
and the most strong point of this story is the pot and the dialogues…
LASTLY I JUST WANNA SAY I LOVED IT AND CANT WAIT FOR FURTHER EPISODES.