Hi, I finished your story.
It’s a very clever original idea. I like how you start with the scene already playing out and the audience has to listen to what happened. It’s a very interesting style of story telling.
THE BAD: the MC seems a bit cruel to her “parents.” Also, I could guess what was going to happen, but I don’t this it’s your fault.
AND THE SUMMARY:
A very original and interesting story. I’m sure people will love it. It deserves more reads than it had. I really hope your story reaches an audience because it has the potential to be very popular. Good luck and keep sharing!