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21

I would like a review for a review. I don’t have many readers and I would like to know how I can get my story better.

Title: The assistant
Description: Hailey is desperate for a job, but when she gets a job for an arrogant singer, will she be able to keep it?
Author: Lonse
Genre: Romance
Current reads: 4 (just shared it yesterday)
Style: limelight
Link:

I will read your story now. But do you want a read or a review? :slight_smile:

22

Read please, I’ll read your story now! :grinning:

23

Hi

I’m already reading yours. :slight_smile:

24

Thank you :slight_smile:

25

Hey Lonse, i can’t find your story, would you be able to give a link?

26

Sure.

https://episode.app.link/h7cCBb61ZS

And thank you!

27

Thanks!

28

Hey!

Title: You, Me And The Beat by Anna (ME)
What is it about? :slight_smile:
It’s about a teenage girl who wants to be a singer, just like her mother, but the problem is her mother died on her way to tour and girl’s father doesn’t want his only child to end up like his beloved wife. MC throughout my story discovers her mom’s death might not be an accident, and that her mother had big family she never knew existed.
Genre: DRAMA with MYSTERY
Style: INK
Reads: 456 at the moment :smile:
Episode name: Anna
LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6647066234454016
COVER
Demi_Lovato_uR_posterThumb_MKBG1jPenU
You can PM me when you get to my story, then we ca do r4r :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
Have a good day/night :heart:

29

Hi Abi
I read your story, Twin trouble in paradise,

and I love how you explain about we will get to costumize in episode 4.

And love the story itself, it is really good with lots of drama. You are really good at describing things throw the story.

Great idea with making fun of yourself, it gives the readers a feeling that they know you.

Also very funny with the “yoga teacher”

Nice effekt with the redness with the fire at the school.

And here is some criticism:

  • pan back and forth is not pleasent for the eyes all the time. Use cut to zone instead.
  • Use more “transition fade out/in”
  • Some spot mistakes, for instance when she hugs Payton in episode 3, first she is hugging him and then she is hugging the air.
  • Instead of people popping up at scenes when you start a new scene use the & instead of @. (For instance: &CHARACTER stands screen left)
  • In the story I often wondered where the twins dad is, he is suppose to take care of MC and the boys. I get that you don’t want a lot
    of boring scenes with him, but maybe mention him or have one of the boys talk to him over the phone. Just so he looks like a caring father, who takes a girl in foster care.
  • Everything happens too fast after my opinion.
  • The directing in episode 9 was really good.

I really hope you can use my criticism! Great story and keep up the good work.

Looking forward for your criticism. :wink:

1 Like
30

Thank you so much for the criticism! I really really appreciate it! I will fix these things you mentioned! I have to go to bed now so I will give you feedback tomorrow’s morning :slight_smile:

31

Of course. :blush:
No rush. Take the time you need and keep up the good work with your story too. :wink:

32

Thanks :grinning:

I will let you know when I read your story all the way through and give feedback :slightly_smiling_face:

33

Thank you! :blush:

34

Hi Lonse!
First let me say that I am so incredibly sorry it took so long! It was my little sisters birthday and I have been extremely busy with art requests!

Your story is great. I read all 3 chapters and really enjoyed it. I love how your characters actually have a personality (unlike some stories I have seen) and plus I really appreciate that we were able to customise Hailey and Brad (btw brad was already hot so I didn’t customise him lol) I love the storyline and especially how you used text effects. I will be incorporating that into my story, it’s a great idea to immerse the readers into the story. It feels very realistic and like someone’s real life, not cliche (unlike mine, my story is very unrealistic and cliche :joy:)

The only criticism I can give is to re-read some of the lines, I noticed a few spots where the grammar was a little off and also some places where there was a full stop missing. Apart from that your story is perfect! I really enjoyed it.

Also as for the criticism that you gave me, I cannot edit my story yet, as I don’t have a computer at the moment (my other one stopped working) but I will get a new one in about 3 weeks. I will definitely take your criticism into mind when I am writing more chapters.

Keep up the great work Lonse! I will be keeping an eye out for when you update the story :heart::heart:

2 Likes
35

Hey @Abimations4!
I just finished with the first episode (I’m not that good at giving reviews but I’ll try!)

Please remember I’ve only read the first episode:

Directing: It’s nice, natural, at times basic but you didn’t had any major directing problems (such as layering which I find very important :smile:)
Plot: It’s good as well, I understood everything, you didn’t complicate things and explained them as they were but still managed to left the reader interested in the story :blush:
I also laughed at times when “badass” twin walked into MC while she was getting ready to shower (loved the singing in that scene/I always do the same thing)
Covers: This is what impressed me the most, when I saw your post I was really looking forward to reading it because your covers are amazing to look at , I don’t know who did them but they look awesome!
Extra: I can’t wait to do CC in episode 4!

Also I don’t want to comment on language, because english is my 2nd language so… yeah
Anyway, I’m looking forward to your review on my story (I already posted it here) :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Here are some screenshots I always like to give:

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Your character is super cute :heart_eyes:
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1 Like
36

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words about my story! I will definitely be improving with the spot directing too it in future chapters! Btw it was me who did the covers, so I’m very glad you like it! :slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:

I will start reading your story today :innocent::innocent:

1 Like
37

Here’s mine :slight_smile:

Name: Grimoire

Description:
Waking up in a new age, with no memories of her past life; Diasphora starts a journey of adaptation full of danger, action and romance, while she recovers her memories. What will happen when she discovers the truth?

Chapters : 3 (ongoing)

Genre: Fantasy/Drama/Action/Romance

Style: Limelight

Instagram: @storiesbyraven

This is the link of my story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5494624173817856

portada
portada.jpg1274×1649 1.41 MB

38

R4R? :blush:

Title: Wounded Souls
Author: SarahLuv
Genre: Thriller, Romance, Drama
Style: INK
Episodes: 7 (more coming soon)
Instagram: epi.sarahluv
Description: Shanelle has dealt with her deranged father all her life. With the help of Rowan, a guy she meets by chance. Will she be able to survive the wrath of her father’s demented games?
Story Link: http://www.episodeinteractive.com/s/6310776851726336

image
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39

Hey Anna! I read the first chapter of your story. It’s really good! I love the storyline and i really appreciate how you let us customise. I love the characters, they are very likeable. I love Bella and Liam specifically. I laughed when MC “accidentally” dropped a cupcake onto the tutor’s shoes.

image
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Your story is unique and the grammar and spot directing are perfectly incorporated into the story. I really enjoyed it :grinning::heart:

1 Like
40

Aww thank you so much :smile:
I laughed so much when I saw Tutor’s face in this screenshot lol :joy:

1 Like