🎃 Ren and Jem’s Proof-Reading Workshop (TEMP CLOSED) 🎃

Thank you :yay:

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Hi @JemU776 and @writerren, I’d like to ask for your help if it’s possible. :slightly_smiling_face:

Story Name: Secrets from Hell

Author Name: WNVT

Genre: Action

Story Description: “Since we were born, we’ve been torn. But, I’ve lost too much, even myself…”
A cold-blooded killer with an odd family whose members have a lot of secrets to unfold.

Style: Ink

Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5186087242825728

Cover

How many chapters you’d like proof-read: If it’s possible chapter 4, 5 and 6

Why you’d like for your story to be proof-read: Sometimes I think faster than I write and as I’ve looked so many times at my text by now, I don’t see the grammar mistakes anymore :persevere: So I’d like to ask for help.

Review Type: Public

Password: HalloweenMonsterEatsVeggies

Thank you for requesting :blob_sun: I reviewed your story for our Givers Club so I’m going to pass this to @writerren for a proof-reading :yay: You will get a fresh pair of eyes looking for errors :sunglasses: :yay:

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hi! can you post the review on epixmagic too? (or just epixmagic)

Ren and Jem’s proof-reading workshop and epyxmagic are two different services. We have another reviewer at epyxmagic who might take on your work (another person to go over to look for missed errors) instead.

oh! can u ask the other reviewer?

epyxmagic is still under construction. We are not open yet. Once we open, you are free to fill out a story review form, provided you follow the instructions (but don’t request for so many reviews-that’s never a good thing). This will be my last post to you as I don’t want to end up off topic here. If you have any more questions or concerns, feel free to reach out to me over a PM.

Thanks!!

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Sure.
Thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

2 Likes

Here are my notes from your second episode…

Notes


The third sentence could be phrased as, “This color had many different shades and I loved each one of them.”


A better way to phrase this would be, “She stopped talking ever since. There was brain damage from the accident, but the doctors say her state is mostly because of trauma.”


A better way to phrase this would be, “I only come to visit her for a short time because it’s hard for me to see her when she’s like this.”


A better way to phrase this would be, “He’s trying to set me up with some guy.”


A better way to phrase this would be, “In the morning…”
There was also an instance when this happened with, “At the evening…” but I didn’t get to screenshot this closet scene. A better way to phrase that would be, “That night…” or, “At night…”


A better way to phrase this would be, “You’ll pay for this.”


In the screenshots above, just make sure that the first word in each of your sentences is capitalized such as “That’s” and “Thanks.”

Let me know if you have any questions and I’ll get to reading your third episode next :blush:

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Thanks​:revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts:

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Story Name:

Author Name:

Genre:

Story Description: Life as a pop-star has its ups and downs, especially when you’re in a very dysfunctional band. How will you handle the controversial and overly dramatic challenges coming your way?

Style: LL

Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5993866747772928

Cover :

How many chapters you’d like proof-read: 4

Why you’d like for your story to be proof-read: Directing mistakes

Review Type: private

Also- Can I give you guys the script or access to the script so you can see it?

These are showing up blank for me :sweat_smile: Also you forgot to write one more important detail from the post :gift_heart:

We mainly look at spelling and grammar but we can tell you about directing errors, too.

Do you mean share screenshots of the script in PM (or copy + paste the code in there) or go on portal to see your script and go over it?

Thank you for requesting :gift_heart:

Hi, I finished proofreading episode 4 of your story! Here are my notes…

Notes

First, I just wanted to point out that there were several instances in this episode where you used contractions that didn’t really fit on their own. Here is one example…


A better way to phrase this would be, “Whispers I’m happy for you but we’ve got to be cautious.”
or, “Whispers I’m happy for you but we have to be cautious.”
Just using the contraction alone does not convey the meaning of the sentence as well as it could. Going over your script and checking the times when you used only “we’ve” or “I’ll” by themselves will definitely help with this!


A better way to phrase this would be, “So I’d like to speak to you for a few moments.”

A better way to phrase this would be, “Well, the new CEO arrives with her PA on Monday.”

A better way to phrase this would be, “You know that the size of the team is because of the fact that we have two tasks.”

A better way to phrase this would be, “Yeah, I’ve never seen brothers with a relationship as bad as them…”

A better way to put this would be, “Not only is she known all over the world but she also has tons of allies.”

A better way to phrase this would be, “He is known around Europe as much as he is in America.”

A better way to phrase this would be, “You know I take every chance I get to piss off my grumpy brothers.”

A better way to phrase this would be, “You shouldn’t have let Damon get a rise from you.”

A better way to phrase this would be, “I don’t know why but I doubt that…”

Let me know if you have any questions and I’ll get to proofreading episode 5 next :blush:

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Hi @writerren :smile:, I understood most of the corrections as some were typos… That’s what I get for not paying attention :woman_facepalming:t5:

But I’ve questions about this one :point_down:

What I meant with it was Damon asking Will to step outside while he talked with Claudet

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Ah, okay! Maybe having him say, “So I’d like to speak to Claudet in private for a few moments.” ??

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Thank you so much for doing this :heartpulse: :hugs: My Story is not out yet :heart::hear_no_evil:

INK :llama:
Story Name: breaking my psychos walls,
Author Name: Neserin.creating
Genre: Action,Drama,Comedy,Mystery and Adventure :crazy_face::llama:
story desrciption : The Infamous Psychopath Ayden Walter goes undercover to a Highschool to catch a Series Killer. does he achieve his goal? or will something stop him or maybe someone …
Style: INK
Cover: No cover at the moment :llama::see_no_evil:
How many chapters you’d like to proof-read: 3 please :heartpulse::hugs:
Why you’d like for your story to be proof-read: first i would totally apreciated it :relaxed: and i would like someone to give me a proof-read, because i don’t know, if my story is good or not good, and if it makes sense, and Of course what other think of it :relaxed: thank you!!
Review Type: public :sweat_smile::relaxed::hear_no_evil:
Password: HalloweenMonsterEatsVeggies :vampire::spider_web:
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4953736586592256

Thank you so much again!!! :heart::heart::heartpulse:

No problem, added to the waitlist, looking forward to reviewing yours :+1: :yay:

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oh can you just review my story here then instead of epyxmagic?