This review is based on my personal opinion and is meant to provide the author with honest feedback to help them improve their story. This review is not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings or discourage them from writing. Since you requested it to be “brutally honest,” this review of your pilot chapter will reflect that.
Review for - Grandmas Grandbabies by Snowy_episode
Plot (8/10): I like the plot of your story so far! The idea of the MC and her grandfather entering the competition together to try to save her grandmother is honestly so sweet. It definitely made me want to continue reading to see if they would be able to do it or not.
Directing (8/10) Your directing was executed very well! While a little bit basic in nature, it was relatively error-free. Your spot directing was great and I didn’t notice any points where the characters randomly popped up on screen at all. Your speech bubbles were always placed in positions that did not block any characters’ faces and that corresponded with the correct character who was speaking. Your zooms all looked very smooth which helped me focus better on what was occurring in each scene. All of the animations you used fit the emotions your characters were currently feeling and there was a nice variety of them used. All of your walking animations looked great as well. One thing I did notice that seemed off were your transitions in the first few scenes that showed people’s reactions to the news about the show. Sometimes, they seemed to glitch so just going over these and making sure you put the transitions in the correct spot will really help the flow of your first few scenes. One another thing that I noticed was that your suitcases overlay in the airport scene seemed to pop up on screen. Just make sure that this is written in your script with the & symbol before your transition instead of the @ symbol after your transition.
Spelling/Sentence Structure/Grammar (8/10): Your spelling, grammar, and sentence structure were all executed fairly well! Here are a couple of little errors that I noticed…
When the narrator says… “Or it was, until… marcus dropped a bomb.”
The name “Marcus” should be capitalized.
When Avery says… “I’d say that you’re crazy and admit you to hospital with grandma,”
A better way to phrase this would be, “I’d say that you’re crazy and admit you to the hospital with grandma…”
When Avery explains why Marcus calls her “aviator,” in one dialogue box the plural version of the word is used but in others, the singular version is used.
Also, one thing I wanted to note is that the title of your story is missing an apostrophe in “Grandma’s.”
Other than these little errors, you did a great job in this aspect!
Diversity (8/10): Based on just the pilot chapter, I wish there had a little been more representation among your main characters. There was a good amount of diversity among your background characters though. One other thing I wanted to note is that Avery’s lip color appears a little too light for her skin tone. You don’t necessarily have to change this or anything, it’s just a little note.
Character Development (7/10): Based on the first episode of your story, a reader can learn a decent amount of information about Avery, the MC. We learn that she truly cares about her grandmother based off the fact that she worries about paying for her medical care and decides to enter the competition to try to help pay for it all. We also learn quite a bit about her relationship with her grandfather which really helps illustrate her personality. I wish we had learned a little more information about her grandfather and grandmother though based on their interactions with each other and other characters.
Length of Chapter (7/10): This chapter was a decent length! It took me about 12 minutes to read it. Personally, I have seen that most readers appreciate when authors aim to make their episodes about 15-20 minutes so, if possible, maybe adding one more scene somewhere will help gain your readers’ attention a little better.
Choices (8/10): There were a few choices in this episode and they did have impact on the storyline. I really appreciated this as it helped me feel more involved in your story right away. I like that you will be using points to show how well a reader is doing in the competition. This will definitely help draw more readers in to your story.
Use of Sounds and Music (9/10): Your use of sounds and music in this story was great! They always complimented the events that were occurring in your story at that particular time and never seemed excessive or out of place. Awesome job!
Genre Fit (9/10): This story was placed in the Comedy genre and I believe it belonged there. Based off the pilot chapter alone, there were quite a few indications that this story will be a funny and entertaining one. I just wish there were a few more indications of this fact right from the beginning.
Story Description (9/10): I really liked your story description! It was suspenseful and truly made me want to read your story to see if the MC succeeds at saving her grandmother or not. One thing to note though is that it doesn’t really hint toward a comedy story but seems more like the description of a drama story. Maybe lightening it up just a bit will help this.
Overall Score (81/100) 81%
Thank you for requesting from me. I hope this review has helped you! I truly enjoyed this story and can’t wait to see where you will take it in the future. If you have any questions about this review, I’d be happy to try to answer them. This review will also be posted on my Instagram, @writer.ren.episode, very soon 
