Requesting help with my first story

My new story Trapped In Secrets is out.
I would love if you could read it. Or help by posting feedback too or do a read for read with me.
Instagram: Missy45.epi
Title: Trapped In Secrets
Author: Missy
Genre: Mystery/ Drama (INK)
Chapters: Four (as of now)
Description: Adriana has just moved to the United States but it seems everyone is hiding a secret. Will she find it out and form relationships along the way? Or are they lying to her too?
new%20cover

1 Like

Hi @Irridescent_Iguana,
Sorry,but could I know how many reads you have for this story? Also,how do I check the amount of reads for my story(Without using a phone)?

1 Like

I have 90 reads. If you go on your profile it will show how many story views or on your story portal.

When did you publish this? I think I know a friend whos reading it.

1 Like

Around a month ago and tell your friend I said thank you for reading my story. :grin:

Yes I double checked she is reading it. I don’t have a working phone handy
right now so I told her to send you some feedback, but she doesn’t want to make a forum
account. So she said she will send me the feedback to give you in a while. No problem I told her :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like

What is the name of your story? I would love to check it out.

Story Name: Royal Charm Academy
Author:Corinne Blair
Style:Ink
Genre: Mystery, Drama, Fantasy
Description: A poor family finds baby you wearing a mysterious necklace. They adopt you. But once you win a lottery, your history returns to haunt you.
CC: For Sister and Dance partner (Not MC)

Royal%20Charm%20Academy

Thank You please leave some feedback :blush:

1 Like

I will. I am starting it now.
image

I have already finished.:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
When Blair is in her work uniform, you forgot to add pants so when she turned around I could see her butt.
When the characters are talking to other characters they face the wrong way and when I press one of the choices it skips. Also there is a phrase called ‘show don’t tell’ I think that needs to be applied a bit more here. For the fairy, you could have added wings, shrunk her down and made her float (just a suggestion).
I loved watching Princess Charm School when I was younger!
So, I loved the plot!

Thanks! I’ll make sure I change that! I wanted to shrink Lilac and Tanya, but I don’t know how. Could you tell me?

1 Like

BTW it isn’t finished… I am still working on it!

1 Like

Example of spot directing: 1.25 100 80
1.25 controls the size if you want to shrink, switch 1.25 to 0.92 and so on
To make them float switch 80 to Ex: -5

I hope that helps :grin:

Hi there! So I took a look at episode 1 and I really like it. I will definitely continue to read to find out what happens.

My thoughts:

Good first episode, the story line is good as well but you will also need to pay attention to the character placements.

This bubble should be bottom_left. Use director helper to place the bubble in the right position and a little bit closer to her.

You can try having the mother enter from screen right to left or right and facing left so she’s not blocking Adriana’s face. Remember to adjust the speech bubbles if you do that.

When her mom slaps her, use spot directing to have her fall off the bed in front of her mom then stand up in the same position so it doesn’t appear she’s walking before getting up off the ground. Ensure she is facing right when she gets up.

When she falls again, you would need to adjust the speechbubbles so it does cover too much of her face.

Love the positivity of the mc.

When you go back to her room don’t have her walk in. Spot position her laying done then standing up.

The limo seem to have decreased in size. Have you ever watch those movies where the cars bounce will driving. That’s what comes to mind😊. Try to work on that as the characters are too big.

The scene where it says “after a long tour” didn’t transition properly so it didn’t go to her room immediately.

When she’s at the school you can try using spot helper to have her walk closer to the gate.

When she tries to open the gate, you can then switch the bg to the one that is without the gate and use spot helper to have her walk up to the school. Use a duration like ‘in 2’.

She is all over the place in the school yard. So try having her enter the scene first then using spot helper to have her go wherever you want.

Screenshot_20190508-075527|281x500

Misspelled principal here.

In the hall way when she starts walking, you can use @follow Adriana to screen left in zone 1. The camera will follow her all the way.
The principal did a stand up which wasn’t necessary- he was already standing. Also I suggest have him “tinker rear” while he says he has her schedule somewhere then turn around after he says he found it.

When the principal moved beside her try putting in a duration so it doesn’t seem he got there too quickly.

When she enters chemistry she disappeared for a while. Also you would use spot helper to position everyone else in the class, they are too big as well as the overlay.

In the school yard again. You can probably use ‘&’ so that everyone is in position when the scene opens: &Adriana stands screen centre AND TT stands up screen left and so on.

Put in a duration to tell kiki to walk to adriana.

When she reaches home and walks to her parents try using spot helper to get het closer you can probably use and does it while walk_scared in 2 then have her kneel.

You can spot her to stay in the same position as if she is still kneeling but crying.

She gets up and walks sad back to her first position then starts crying again. Hears the door faces left is talk afraid turns right then runs off. You can say Adriana exits right and does it while “run animation”.

1 Like

Thank you that is very helpful. :blush:

No problem at all :blush:

1 Like

Duplicate closed. Refer to Read for reads (promote your story) for R4Rs and Could somebody please give me honest reviews to give feedback for this story.