I have published a new story.
And I would really appreciate if somebody could review it and give me some feedback, please.
Please don’t be too harsh it is my first story.
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I will read it !
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@Irridescent_Iguana
Hello I read you’re first chapter and this is what I think about it. Please don’t think of it as rude see it more as tips for the future episodes !
I think the story could be great for some people! the problem is you’re directing! it isn’t very good and it makes it very annoying to read.
examples: you let the MC just stand in the bed scene while you narrate. This is very boring you could make this a bit better by for example show that the character is packing for moving. for example, use some tinker animations and make her walk around somewhat like she is grabbing stuff this already makes it look a lot more professional.
also, the Adriana falls and the background turns black? the scene has some of the same problems I’m just wondering why is the screen black? you can zoom in on the bed background so it looks like she is fallen. also to much narration and nothing happening in the back the MC is just laying there this is very annoying to read
another this please exit you’re characters of screen by for example @CHAR exits right and use some transitions it looks more professional (in my opinion) or at least let them exit the screen right now it just looks like a bunch of snaps to different scenes and that is kinda annoying.
The character doesn’t have to walk too fast! you can change the time they have to walk to a certain point because right now you’re character looks like some kind of vampires with the speed they have!
This is just the first chapter I will read the other ones as well but this is just my first thoughts about it. I personally wouldn’t continue reading you’re a story because I like good basic directing if you change the minor things I said you’re story would look a lot better and I’m sure you will already get a lot more reads!
I’m not the perfect writer so I can’t say anything about the real STORY part. I personally see some potential in you’re story and I’m sure that with the right directing skills you will actually have a great story!
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Thank you for your feedback. Could you tell me how to time their walking pace, I have been trying to do it but I don’t know how.
Also, you don’t have to read the other chapters if you don’t want. You have already helped me a lot. 
like 2 seconds or 3 are enough it kinda depends if you think they walk like a person would
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Thank you. 
Am going to read it now
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I dont mind giving it a read😊
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Thank you, that would be great. 
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if you still want someone to review your story you can visit my thread Olu's review thread (OPEN) btw i love the cover for your story
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Thank you.
I will check out your thread now.
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