Review/Beta Test of my first 4 chapters!

Hey guys, need some brutally honest feedback on the pilot of my new story - Cabin Fever. It’s supposed to be a second chance romance, sporting rivals to lovers, romance story with a mystery twist to it.

Please let me know any positive or negative thoughts you have, any suggestions and let me know if there are any grammatical/spelling mistakes and feel free to read up to however far you are comfortable reading as it deals with some pretty heavy stuff outlined in the trigger warning in the opening!

Thanks so much <3

Here’s the link:

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I’ll read it:))

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Thank you so much! Let me know what you think whenever you do :heart::heart::heart:

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Hey! I read your 4 chapters, here is my little review! Just keep in mind I’m no professional scenarist hahah. :sweat_smile:

Directing details
From my screenshots below you see some little directing mistakes (imo).

  1. Just the speechbubble being to high in my opinion:))
  2. The front girl being behind the one with red hair (it is really subtle).
  3. If you are really perfectionist, you coul scale up the phone overlay so the text messges fit right:))
  4. The speechbubble is placed on the other character.

Overall, the directing is really nice! I enjoyed the ending disapearing matching the flickering sound. The overlays are well used, the animation pace is great as well and the character placement is accurate! Transitions are also well made, not too long not to short!

Grammar
English is not my first language so I did not notice anything flagrant aside from the screenshot below, which is really not that deep haha


won’t

Plot
I like the idea of your story:) I’m more into fantasy things but, I still catch my interest. I always wanted to know more! The little love story going on in th background is cute, a little bit cliché ; bad boy with the innocent girl. But since they were friends in the past, it kind of add something to their story :revolving_hearts:

For episode stories, I tend to be interested in more interactive ones ; with choices, minigames etc… As you made your story in a movie type of way (different point of view) I understand why you didn’t add much choices. This is entirely my opinion, but it could be nice to have choices that doesn’t necessarily impact the storyline but changes the dialogue or a little “irrelevant” event:))

Random other screenshots!

Screenshots




I hope it helped! Xx ciel

Thank you so much, this really helped :heart:

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