Review For My First Story


#1

Hi. This is my first story so I would like your opinion. The story is called Reality Gameplay. Please review it and give me you honest opinion. I don’t care if it is negative, I just want you to tell me what you think. Thank you.


#2

I read your story, I think that the plot line is really interesting and it has a lot of potential! Also I like that it’s in LL because INK stories are the majority at the moment even though I prefer INK over LL. I liked that there is customization.
And I’m not trying to be rude so if I come across as it, I apologize!
I know that you wanted to introduce the characters but I think that making them stand in a room and say their age, name and what they like is a little random because you didn’t really explain where they were, you kinda just jumped straight into the story without setting the scene.
Another thing about the characters is the lack of diversity. Most of them seemed to be white with blue eyes. So maybe add in some different looking characters?
Your spot directing seemed to be good, I didn’t really find any mistakes with the layering although if you are going to keep the scene at the beginning where all the girls are introducing themselves in one room then maybe put some of them in different zones because it looked a little cramped with them all in there.
Another thing is that the episodes seemed to be quite short, I understand that this is you first story so it’s difficult to get a handle on writing (trust me I know haha) but the events in your story seemed to be quite rushed and didn’t have much explanation. For example, most of the girls seemed to hate on paradise for no specific reason and then they all decide to kick her out and in the diet challenge, you don’t see much happen after the diets are given out and you’re given quick explanations on how they lost so maybe if you want to make your episodes a bit longer, show more of what happens in each characters day!
Other little things I noticed were some spelling mistakes and at points the characters were facing the wrong way but I think that’s about it.
Again I’m sorry if I came off as rude in this paragraph but I hope that it was useful to you and I hope that you continue to develop your story because I think with some more advance directing and branching, it could become a very good story!
Read the guides and watch YouTube tutorials for help if you want. :smiley:


#3

Hie Honey, I would love to Review your story. Could you send me the link if possible? or Fill the form. As I do Reviews.


#4

Thank you so much! I will work on fixing my story and you didn’t come off as rude. I would actually find it rude if you didn’t tell me the things that I need to fix. The reason my stories are short is because I have to animate every line and sometimes my iPad stops typing so I have to start all over again. Thanks for the feedback! :grinning:


#5

And here is the link:


#6

Oh ok. I’m happy that it was useful. Good luck!


#7