Review for review or just review my story

Hi Ella
I think a lot happened between them within a week and I think everything happens too fast in the first episode. (Maybe because of what they both been through and know that life is short)
But I love how you fall in the end of it. :joy:

Good directing and spot directing too. When you want characters to be in the scene and not “popping” up, use the & instead of @. :wink:
You describes everything really well too.

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Hi there.

I read the first 3 chapters and here’s some criticism;

  • use transition fade out/in with a new scene, it gives a better flow to it.
  • The pan back and forth is confusing for the eyes.
  • When you do the spot directing make sure that the characters are in “normal” size. For instance is a guy taller than a locker (don’t
    think he is that for real)
  • When Olivia thinks about that she isn’t skinny and all that, she looks happy ~ is that the right animation?
  • When you want to show off a background and uses pan back and forth use:
    @Pan to zone 2

@pan to zone 3

Instead of:

@pan to zone 3

It makes it more pleasant for the eyes. :blush:

  • In episode 3 Olivia exits right (in her room) and then pan to zone 3 (where you can’t she Olivia) in zone 3 she comes from left. Either
    you should make her come from right in zone 3 (so it looked like she changed her outfit) or use spot direction and pan. :blush:
  • I think either you should show a scene in the first three chapters from the future where she is a princess or you should make her a princess
    in the first three chapters. But maybe that just my opinion. :blush:
    But good story and characters too. I hope you will continue and can’t wait for your criticism. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Thank you Lonsa! Yes I am aware they move fast. Although it may not be something you & I would do, it’s something they would do. There’s reasons for it as well (:
Thank you for the tip! I’ll definitely go back and add that! I’ll review your story in a bit! :two_hearts:

You have a plan with everything. :wink:
And thank you, looking forward for your criticism. :blush:

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I really liked how you had the beginning scene, pulls readers in! I liked the narration as well. But I do think the light pink may be hard for some people to read. & the pause narration was kinda random lol. & you misspelled “tired” in episode 2.
When you switch to the next scene have the character doing an animation already or else they will have the same animation as the last scene.
Overall lovely story!

Shoot. Where was the pause at? Do you remember?
Is it a specific scene where they do the same as last scene? Or in general?

I’m gonna fix it now. Thank you! :heart_eyes:

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The scene when she’s running up the stairs & there was a narration bubble that said pause (:
& the animation thing was in episode 1 when she was contend

Thank you. I’m gonna fix it now. :see_no_evil:

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My story: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Author: MKG
Genre: Romantic Comedy / Slice of Life
Story style: Limelight
Description: Kiara, Willow, Samantha, and Sooyoung are just 4 girls trying to survive high school. Follow them as they grow up and discover first love, pain and what true friendship means.
Episodes: 3 so far
4 different races sexualities and growth


Anyone wanna do a read for read??? :sparkling_heart:

if so could you sign up on this form? it’s silly but it helps keep my reads in order :joy:

Hi! I’m willing to do R4R, if you’re up for it!

Tittle: Taken: Dead or Alive (INK)
Author: xoRoséxo
Genre: Drama/Action
Chapters: 10
Description: Rose & Sophia Beaumont are tough to handle. But what if one is taken and another one has been targeted to kill? Will they able to stay strong? Or love will get in their way? #mafiaworld#girlpower
Instagram: xoroses.episode

Rose&Sophia.jpg1242×1541 1.1 MB

credit to: ellendrawings_(IG)
DO let me know what you think!

Hi guys! I’m closing this thread, because I don’t really want R4R.

But thanks anyway! :blush:


Story: Blades of Desire

Author: Giselle C.

Genre: Mystery/Horror/Drama/Romance

Description: You thought going from rich to poor is the worst thing that could happen to you. Think again… a hot murderer is in town and he’s looking for you.

Features: Advanced directing, non-cliche plot line, choices matter, FULL character customization, unique and big closet, POC and LGBTQ characters, LGBTQ option, mini games.

Episodes: 3, 4 coming soon.





Hi there.

Not doping this anymore. Just waiting for the thread to close. :blush:

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Oh Im so sorry!! I didn’t see your previous message :sweat_smile::heartpulse:

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I will read your story I’ve read some amazing stories thus for during the R4R

MC_MISSION_LOVE_TRACKER_posterThumb_w9Mjt2lW25 MC_MISSION_LOVE_TRACKER_posterThumb_w9Mjt2lW25.png

@Sydney_H can you close the thread? :blush:

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Topic closed by OP request. :smiley:

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