Review My Story Please ❤


#1

Hello there :smile:

UPDATE: I am slowly but surely continuing Crossed Paths. I made it discontinued and I kept on changing my mind on whether or not I should continue it haha.

Here’s a link to my story:

Crossed Paths

Thank you.


#2

Hi. You can check out my thread below for a review. :blush:

~ Winter :snowflake:


#3

Thanks :hibiscus:


#4

No problem. :wink:


#5

Hey, @Days! I’d love to read your story and give it my honest feedback. I’ve written my first story, too, so would you like to do a review for review?


#6

That sounds great, I would be happy to do that


#7

Perfect! Well, here are my story details:

Title: Silhouettes
Author: aprilish
Genre: Fantasy/Romance
Style: Ink
Blurb: Arion’s ready to risk it all to make her dreams come true. Leslie sees him every day, yet fails to recognize who he is. Watch them fall in love…without ever meeting each other.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6116658762874880 1
My Instagram: @aprilish.episode

Thanking you in advance! :smile::two_hearts:


#8

I have read 4 episodes so far and I found that I was getting sucked into the plot and I just wanted to read more and more haha

Directing:

  • Brilliant use of zooms, you used a high range of zooms as well as the lovely use of music & sound - I am a sucker for good music & sound in a story. Your directing is advanced (your usage of spot directing, the face to face chatting, the zooms as mentioned before is versatile, and different transitions) which I find great and makes it look professional. :heartbeat:

Writing Style:

  • Your writing style is very engaging and I really feel like I am Leslie with the way you write as if I am in her mind. You’ve made the protagonist very likable, Leslie seems very talented (the lady can dance, sing and act - talk about a triple threat). Your grammar and spelling are great, no complaints there :slight_smile:

  • I want to just keep on reading the story, it’s so lovely - the funny moments are for sure funny (Cleon is a weirdo and I love it haha) and directing as well adds to that (advanced zooms and sound effects as well as your writing). The different perspectives are lovely too so you don’t only see things from Leslie’s eyes but from Arion’s too.

  • You’ve made the characters very likable and your story demonstrates their personalities
    well rather than you writing a list of their characteristics.

Plot:

  • It’s a very well-structured and easy to follow plot. It goes at a healthy pace, so you’re not writing way too fast nor are you writing the story to progress at a snail’s pace. As I said before, I just want to carry on reading and your characters are written realistically and you make the land of Celestia believable as well.

  • I love a romance, and the chemistry between the protagonist and her love interests is great - it does not seem artificial or forced at all, I find stories like that quite hard to follow and I just stop reading it after a few chapters.

  • Your story makes me think of parallel lines - what I mean by that is that Leslie and Arion are living their lives and they are yet to meet.

General comments:

  • Great use of choices, they were not pressed on me and they were distributed well within the story.

  • Overall great plot which flows well, lovely dialogue, brilliant use of sound AND I don’t really mind character customisation but I know this is a major plus point for some readers :smiley:


#9

Just a quick note, I am in the process of editing my story so if there are some directing errors feel free to point them out :slight_smile:


#10

Ahh, thank you so, so, SO much for this wonderful review! :sob::sob::heart::heart::heart: It means the WORLD to me! You’ve literally made my day. :’))) I’m so glad you enjoyed reading, and that you want to continue! :purple_heart: There’s just one thing, though: you said Leslie and Arion reminded of you parallel lines, which are yet to meet. As much as I loved the comparison, they’re actually already meeting, and have met several times. It’ll make sense as you go on, I promise. :wink:

Anyhow, I’m at a loss of words here! Thank you so much, once more! :revolving_hearts:

I’m going to start reading your story soon. Would you like me to PM you my review, or post it right here?


#11

Haha no worries, also I made the review whilst reading the earlier chapters so feel free to ignore the parallel lines comment haha but I guess it is more of a triangle (they are far apart and slowly their worlds become one)


#12

Would be happy for you to post on here :smiley:


#13

Hahaha yeah, I guess that’s a better fit. ^^

And sure thing! I’ll have it posted in just a lil bit!


#14

Hello guys,
I am new here and I wrote my first story on episode it called as DestInation:Race for Love… Please give it a try… I am looking forward for some reviews and suggestion
here is a link to my story


#15

Hey, @Days! I’ve just finished reading the first two episodes of your story, Crossed Paths, and here’s my feedback:

  1. First off, great job with that humor! You’ve got me hooked right from the first scene!

  2. Your grammar, punctuation and spelling were nearly on point. However, I found a couple of things that you might’ve overlooked, and a few things to make your story better in general:

-Remember to write numbers out in words. For instance, you’ve written, “We’re leaving by 7.” Spelling it out and writing it as “We’re leaving by seven.” is generally a rule of thumb.

-Also, keep in mind that you’ve got to punctuate every sentence. There’s some sentences with a period missing at the end, and others that could do with a comma in between.

  1. I really like how you introduced the characters. There wasn’t too much narration, and the characters just blended really well with the story. Their personality was revealed bit by bit. They’re all very different from each other, and they’re full of strengths, flaws and quirks. Great job with keeping it realistic there!

  2. Alright, so there’s this club scene, but Mindy, Vivienne and Joanne are the only people there. Be sure to fill up the scene with some background actors to make it more realistic. It can be a taxing job, but you can use one of the script templates to make it easier.

  3. Ahaha, I absolutely love how you introduced Derek. The narration was so relatable and on point! :rofl:

  4. Oh my, I love how you showed Vivenne and Joanne talking to each other telepathically! What a brilliant idea!

  5. AN ELECTROCUTED GOAT! OH M- :joy::joy::joy: Fine, I’m repeating this, but you have an AMAZING (and I mean AMAZING) sense of humor! There’s something witty in every piece of dialogue. It’s a great way of keeping the story lively!

  6. The spot directing in the club scene once Mindy and Joanne return from the bathroom is a bit off. You might want to look into that.

  7. Alright, so the scene in the smoothie shop is really funny, and it’s very interesting to know what the characters are thinking. But you should probably pace it up a little because you don’t want the readers to be spending too much time with too many background actors and no protagonist at all.

  8. Okay, so personally speaking, this doesn’t matter to me at all, but I know there’s people out there who think of it as the decider as to whether or not to read a certain story. Yes, I’m talking about character customization. So, if you’re trying to get more reads, I think you should add that feature in. Some readers really appreciate it.

  9. Another suggestion I have is to use the & command regularly. If you’re zooming in somewhere and you want a character to already be there, you should be using this. It should also be used to show simultaneous actions. ex.) when Mindy slaps Derek (he was being a complete jerk and deserved it), she slaps first and then he receives it. You’ve probably coded it this way:
    @MINDY is slap_face
    @DEREK is slap_face_receive
    The correct way to do it however, would be:
    &MINDY is slap_face
    @DEREK is slap_face_receive -OR- @MINDY is slap_face AND DEREK is slap_face_receive

  10. I think that you should add in a few choices. I’d suggest putting plenty of outfit choices, choices that decide how characters react, and others that don’t change the story line drastically. These make it easy to code and don’t complicate things too much, while also making the readers feel involved. I’d say go for about five or six of those. (or even more, if you can manage.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any more passes so I can’t go on reading. :confused: But I must say, I LOVED your story, and I will continue reading it! :purple_heart: It was lively, realistic, witty, and free of grammatical mistakes (which, by the way, is very important!) The only real suggestion I have is to add background actors to make scenes more realistic, and go through the coding once again (take care of the @s and &s.) If there’s anything else you should know as I go along, I’ll surely send you another message regarding it.

Good job, and good luck! :heart:

Love,
April.

P.S. Oops, the review turned out way too frickin’ long. Sorry. :sweat_smile:


#16

Thank you and I am usually the one who finds me funny hahaha


#17

You’re very welcome! I also forgot to mention that I find the plot very intriguing! :revolving_hearts: I’m so curious to see how, if ever, Derek and Mindy meet again.


#18

Ah they will meet and I am not going to continue the story further unfortunately as I am going to be pretty busy from now on. However, thank you for everyone who took the time to read it. Also, directing has been consuming a lot of my time but my episodes are still going to be there to read :slight_smile:


#19

Wait, what?! You’re not going to continue? :frowning:


#20

Sorry I won’t be continuing - my apologies but I have 5 full episodes published though :slight_smile: