Review my story? :)

Hey! May someone review my story so I’ll know how to improve it? :blush:
I hope you’ll like my story, I spend a lot of time on it :blush:

Story Name: Run At Midnight
Written By: lemon
Genre: Romance
Episodes: 1 (more chapters coming soon)
Short Description: You’re an athlete, the fastest runner in your class. But how are you going to run away from the pain and heartbreak when it always seems to chase you?
IG: @tiffyalice_wonder

Note: There are no choices except for the last chapter, and it’s only the first chapter so there’s not much romance. :slightly_smiling_face:

Ok… I will review your story. You will also review my story… Here, it is​:point_up_2::point_up_2::point_up_2:

sure, do you want a review here or do I PM you the review? I’ll be really honest.

Review my story on app.

what do you mean?

I mean that I wanted a review here.

okay, but this post is meant to review my story so you have to review my story first then I’ll review yours.

1 Like

Ok… I am going to review it. Then, you will review my story. :kissing_heart::+1:


I feel like there wasn’t characters all have almost the same personalities. The relationship between Angel and Erik is moving too fast, they are already crushing on each other in about a few seconds.

Coding errors

In this scene, there was a character walking and it wasn’t part of the story.

In this scene I couldn’t see them so I think either you placed them in the wrong zone or the panning is wrong.

In chapter two, lesson scene, the teacher was talking without animation, so I would suggest adding animations so people will enjoy it more.

Tips to improve
A tip is, you could plan out the different things a character will do or say in a situation so you will have a better connection with them and understand more about their personality.
In the first chapter, you could add why is being a guitarist Angel’s passion and how much she will willingly do to achieve it. To me the story, based on the chapters I read, aren’t really talking about her dreams and stuff.

What I like the most is that there wasn’t a lot of grammatical errors and that there wasn’t many coding errors. I wouldn’t complain too much cuz you can’t do much using mobile creator, I’ve tried it before.
I think this story has potential, but I think you need to plan it out first.
The chapters are on the shorter side but I don’t mind.

Overall I didn’t really enjoy the story but maybe if you change a bit I would enjoy it more. I like the story idea but the characters lack personality.

Ok, I will do it better so that everybody will like it. Thanks for the feedback. I need a feedback on my other story too. I want to know how is it?

Sure :slightly_smiling_face:

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