Hey! May someone review my story so I’ll know how to improve it?
I hope you’ll like my story, I spend a lot of time on it
Story Name: Run At Midnight Written By: lemon Genre: Romance Episodes: 1 (more chapters coming soon) Short Description: You’re an athlete, the fastest runner in your class. But how are you going to run away from the pain and heartbreak when it always seems to chase you? IG:@tiffyalice_wonder Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4787100571467776
Note: There are no choices except for the last chapter, and it’s only the first chapter so there’s not much romance.
Characters
I feel like there wasn’t characters all have almost the same personalities. The relationship between Angel and Erik is moving too fast, they are already crushing on each other in about a few seconds.
In this scene I couldn’t see them so I think either you placed them in the wrong zone or the panning is wrong.
In chapter two, lesson scene, the teacher was talking without animation, so I would suggest adding animations so people will enjoy it more.
Tips to improve
A tip is, you could plan out the different things a character will do or say in a situation so you will have a better connection with them and understand more about their personality.
In the first chapter, you could add why is being a guitarist Angel’s passion and how much she will willingly do to achieve it. To me the story, based on the chapters I read, aren’t really talking about her dreams and stuff.
What I like the most is that there wasn’t a lot of grammatical errors and that there wasn’t many coding errors. I wouldn’t complain too much cuz you can’t do much using mobile creator, I’ve tried it before.
I think this story has potential, but I think you need to plan it out first.
The chapters are on the shorter side but I don’t mind.
Overall I didn’t really enjoy the story but maybe if you change a bit I would enjoy it more. I like the story idea but the characters lack personality.