Review my unpublished story and I'll review yours!

Hey guys, if you could, please review my unpublished story and I will review yours in return!

Title: The Moon Princess
Episode Count: 1 full episode done, 2nd episode still in progress.
Genre: Fantasy
Description: Taken into an orphanage, you don’t know who your parents are. But one day, you discover a secret, you’re The Moon Princess.


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Hey I can review it for you.

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The first school (?) scene the background isn’t working it’s a black screen?

Hey i will read your story.
Here is my story.
Title: No changes after ayear
Episode Count: 1
Genre: Drama, romance, comedy
Description: Zen had a beautiful childhood until he was 10 years old with his father but after meeting a beautiful women who claims to be his true mother everything changes.

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Hey so i just read your first episode and I think that your story is really intresting!
I liked the length of the episoded.

There are a lot of times where your main character is alone and speaks to herself. It may be better if you let her think what she’s saying. For example:
instead of doing it like this
MAINCHARACTER (idle_exhausted)
Man, what a long day!

just do it like this
MAINCHARACTER (idle_exhausted)
(Man, what a long day!)

Another thing that you can change is to add music.
It would give the audience a better reading experience.

And the last thing that I would suggest you is to zoom in on the characters when someone is talking.
It will make your scene look more alive.
For example:

@zoom on MAINCHARACTER to 200% in 0
to remove a zoom just do:
@zoom reset

I hope that I could help you a little.English is not my first language but I hope that you understand my review.
Please continue your story it seems really interesting.
I’d be really happy if you could read my episode too.

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Hey! I’ve created 2 stories so far, and I would love it if you’d check 'em out!!


Author Name: Giselle Crescent

Genre: Fantasy

Description: Being the daughter of Zeus isn’t easy. Add responsibilities and your mother having cancer topped on with a forbidden temptation to a boy who can rock your world , literally. CC

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The Ember Moon Pack

Author Name: Giselle Crescent

Description: You’re an average highschool girl. What’ll happen to your life when you get kidnapped by a pack of Hybrids that claim that you are their sacred Queen? CC, ChoicesMatter, 5Endings

Genre: Fantasy


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Large Cover:

I’ll see if I can fix that right now!

I will read your story tonight because I am currently at a swim meet!

Thank you so much for this detailed review, it’s amazing and I’ll put all your tips/tricks to use! Thank you again, I’ll be reading and posting the review by tonight, or tomorrow morning (latest)!

Sure! But this is a review for review so once you review mine, I’ll review yours!

That would would be nice! But I’m changing some things at the moment and it may seem a bit confusing at the beginning of the episode.

Hi, @VeroniqueRebel
I’ll read your story if you’re still interested.
Here is the link to my story. The Night HAwks by Jill Popsicle