Review of Stories (temporarily closed)


#1

Hi everyone,

I am currently working on a story. But, while I am waiting on backgrounds and things of such to be approved I would love to read some of your guys stories and give you feedback on them. I’ll be honest and try not to be to harsh. But, I want your story to succeed! When my first few chapters get finished I would love for all to check it out. I would also love it if you follow me on Instagram @ameerah_reads. I may feature your story on there.

For me to review I would like you to put:
Title:
Author:
number of episodes:
Small Description:
Thanks


#2

Hi! Seems like I’m the first to respond for a change :stuck_out_tongue:
I just followed you on instagram and would love for you to review my story. Be as critical as you can, I love a good critical review the best :slight_smile: .

Here’s my story:

Title: Spotlight: Jellyfished
Author: Himawari
number of episodes: 4 (ongoing)
Small Description: Did you know? Jellyfish do not have hearts, yet they live. What if a human, a woman, would lose her heart…and live?

Also, I’m kind of curious what your story is about, if you mind telling me :wink: .


#3

Hi, please review my story and leave me fanmail!

Story Title: In the Shadows
Author: Winter05
Number of episodes: 3 (ongoing)
Short Description: The unnoticed, behind glasses. Will you step out the shadows or remain in the dark?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4577572779851776

Thanks,
Winter <3


#4

Title: LOBITA (Little Wolf)
Author: EJ Dee
number of episodes: 4
Small Description: Breezy is a teenager who’s had an unorthodox upbringing. She’s grown up surrounded by the Lobos, a motorcycle gang her father founded. She’s always been very proud of her family and family business but will love change that?
Link


#5

Title: H&V: Our Story
Author: Ki_Writes
number of episodes: 3
Small Description: When Ava’s sister, Riley, is kidnapped, she must work with a group of super heros to save her. Even with the hardships they face, can they work together to save Riley?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4786197070741504

Thank you for doing this!


#6

Hi,
I just finished reading the first 3 chapter of your story.
I want to preface by saying that I do not like spotlight stories for some reason, but I like the plot of yours, so I didn’t mind reading it too much.
Plot: The plot is sort of intriguing, although I think you put too much focus on jellyfish, when they don’t seem to have a big part in the story except for not having a heart. I thought that the story would be about jellyfishes.
Directing: Because it is a spotlight story, directing isn’t too much of an issue here. I would just fix the zooms, so that the characters are perfectly captured when you zoom in on them.
Grammar: I would change some of the structures of your sentences. They just don’t seem to flow really well. I noticed a few times that there weren’t any commas where they should have been some. And about 2 times, I noticed that words were misspelled. This things didn’t distract from the overall story, for me at least.
Additional: When it comes to choices, I like how you give hints, but I would make sure not to give too much information away. Doing that is kind of like taking the readers choice away, because they know what is going to happen when they choose a certain choice.
When you introduced the nerve system, it kind of messed up the flow of the story. I would introduce it in a different way.
Is the nerve system and the point system the same, if not, you never told us about the point system in detail.
The ear licking has me creeped out.

I hope this feedback helps you to improve your story.

My story is about a girl who falls in love with a rockstar, basically.


#7

Hi! I’d love some feedback.
Story Title: Illegal Alien
Story Style: Limelight
Author Name: Literally Dead
Genre: Fantasy
Published Episode: 4
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6005998233452544
Description:Stella befriends a stranger who stops her from committing suicide. Follow her life as she uncovers secrets of the mystery man and her own mortality.
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#8

Title" The Bookcase
Author: Nicola (READ MY STORY)
number of episodes: 19
Small Description: what will happen when an ordinary bookcase takes you to another world? NAME & CUSTOMIZE CHARACTER

Also you don’t have to read all of it, I would just like some help on learning what to improve on :slight_smile:

Link:


#9

This is a story about a girl who faces hard times, almost to the point where she doesn’t want to live. The reason why I wrote this story is not to just get readers, but to have people understand that life is worth living for, and no matter how hard things get, things will always get better. It’s not just a love story, it’s much more.
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Story Name: The girl who wasn’t strong enough
Author: Meera
Genre: Romance (also Drama)
Style: INK
Description: When you’ve finally broken, will you survive the fracture or will you break even more? A inherited trait that you don’t know you have, and everyone’s out to get you because of it.

Why I think it’s unique:
Everyone’s different, and that’s what makes the world unique. However some can’t understand that, which result to hate. You’re the shy girl, the kind girl, the girl with possible powers? Powers to do what? You have no idea what you’re capable of until you share what 350 million people worldwide have. Depression.

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/48385706733076481

Tell what you think and if you have any suggestions or comments let me know in my fan mail. :slight_smile:

Also tell me when your story is published, I would love to read it!


#10

Hi Ameerah,

First of all, thanks for your honest opinion on my story. I understand not everyone’s a big fan of spotlight stories. I’m glad you enjoyed my story plot in spite of this :slight_smile: .

Here are some reactions of mine on your review:
Lol, guess my comparison can be misunderstood after all. The intro of the story just explains the name of it. I’m pretty sure only a small amount of people would understand the title of the story if I didn’t explain that I made the word jellyfish into a verb, because that’s what happens to Lydia: she got ‘jellyfished’, she became heartless, literally, just like a jellyfish. It’s not that I focus on that anywhere aside from the intro (and the description, but not everyone bothers to read that), though. So I have to disagree with you on that statement.

I already had the zooms fixed and think the characters are captured in them just fine? I’m not sure what you refer to with this comment. Maybe you could describe the scenes that you refer to?

As for the grammar/lingual part. I know I sometimes forget to add comma’s. I’ll be careful to read my sentences out loud in the future to make sure they flow well. Could you recall the misspelled words for me (and the episode number, if you remember)? I hate to use the ‘English isn’t my first language’-excuse, especially in spelling words, since one can easily look up such things. So if I misspelled anything, shame on me :stuck_out_tongue: .

When it comes to giving hints with choices, I always feel like the author will do this wrong in the eyes of one group of readers or the other. You know, you may think the hints are overbearing, but I have also heard people who wanted more details or information in them, because they ended up making a wrong choice somewhere (though this was in my other story, which is why I ended up giving more detailed hints in this one to prevent this accusation from happening again). As for the point system: yes it is to show how your nerve is influenced by a decision (commenting on the green or red points, not the love-interest points). I will add that to my explanation, thanks for pointing this out to me :wink: .

I’m so darn glad the ear-licking creeped you out! It was PRECISELY what that was meant to do. Spoiler Alert: Also, it shows the contrasts to your natural reaction and the lack of this in Lydia in her heartless state. I really get this comment a lot and get delighted every time. It is there to emphasize how Lydia only has her common sense and some dulled out physical senses to rely on now her heart is gone and replaced by a monotone blood-flow, which is now only influenced by the slight contractions of her blood vessels and the contractions of her muscles (a little lesson in biology will occur in a later stage, don’t worry :stuck_out_tongue: ). Point I’m trying to make is: Lydia changes from someone you can identify with to a girl with flat emotions at most, that only freaks out, because she knows it is common sense to do so and she has done so all her life. The scene with the ear-licking is one of the first signs she can’t react on impulse of emotion. She just let the woman take off after that and gets angry based on common sense when she meets the woman later on (meeting occurs at the end of episode 3, the angry scene is episode 4). Also, it adds to the character of Melody as well, but I won’t spoil that for you yet. If you want to know, get to know her better in episode 4. If you still don’t get it and want me to explain, you may always contact me here or on instagram: himawari_1993 .

Thanks again for your honest review! Let me know when your story gets published :wink: .


#11

Hi,

I think your story is off to a good start. I would just like to give you a few suggestions and comments.
Plot: It seems very cliche, which I understand you are aware of. It’s giving me juvie vibes. I’m not really sure which direction you are taking, with this story.

Directing: Really good use of background characters and zooms. One comment I would like to make here is when you are trying to make a dramatic point, by using multiple zooms on one character, I wouldn’t use active/timed zooms.

Grammar: I noticed nothing misspelled or any glaring sentence errors. I did notice a sentences that could use a comma, though.

Additional: A lot of what happens in the story so far seems really contrived and really has no explanation. Maybe add some more explanation about why certain things are happening in the story in you next episodes. Some of the speech bubbles were oddly placed, like a character would be speaking and the speech bubble was over their face. I don’t mean to be rude with this point, but I would make some things a little more realistic. Girls don’t really strip in the school hallway.

Overall it was a good story so far. I hope that these comments help you with your story and weren’t too harsh.


#12

Hey, I just followed you on insta. I’m @lizard.episode!

Title: Over Before You Know It
Author: Lizard
Number of Episodes: 3 (unfinished)
Additional notes: Here’s the cover! I just published it, so it doesn’t show up on the app yet.

Summary: You and your best friend make a suicide pact to go to the Grand Canyon and end it all together. Will you both really do it? Or will it be over before you know it?

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6584190301765632

Tell me when you publish your story, I’d like to give it a read too!


#13

Hi. Thank you so much for your review. I loved how honest it was. I will improve my story. Thanks again. :slight_smile:


#14

Hi there,
I read your story and I must say that I was really impressed and I really enjoyed reading it.
I read the first 3 episodes and I can’t wait to read the next.

Plot: I’m not exactly sure where the story will go, but I understand so much of the background of your main character, which is really important.
Directing: really good use of zooms and background characters. I really have no comments here.
Grammar: In the first episode, I noticed no glaring errors. In the subsequent episodes I noticed that there were a few words that needed apostrophes and some sentences with missing words. But not too many. I also noticed that Santana was spelled wrong in episode 2. Also in episode 2, I noticed that alright was spelled wrong.
Additional: Overall I really enjoyed the story. Although I though the first episode was a little bit confusing because so many different people were introduced. Also, at the end of episode 2, I would add an outro, like “to be continued” because its rather abrupt.


#15

Hi! I’m trying to get attention for my newest story and would love your feedback.

Title: Wherever You Are
Author: Emily Jane
Number of Episodes: 5 currently
Small Description: MC has just been offered the job of her dreams in Washington DC. By chance, she meets her dream guy in a coffee shop, complicating her plans. Can the two survive all of the complications of a long distance relationship?

There is full character customization of both the MC and her love interest!


#16

Listen here girl, I don’t need you reviewing my sh… No I’m joking! loll
I’m so glad you liked it :blue_heart:
-Yea my first epsiode was a big tub full of info so it can be daunting.
-And I definitely need to find those Grammer errors :scream: (please message me with specifications if you can)
-I’ll be sure to add that ‘to be continued’, I actually had one up originally in that very place! But I took it down because someone said it was unnecessary :unamused:. Go figure lol.
-Um yea the story isn’t really showing a continuous direction yet, I know, I was worried about that because a lot of stories I read are already settled by the 3rd chapter. But hopefully it works out well along the way.
Thanks so much for your reads and for your articulate and much needed review.

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#17

Hey there. It would be great for any feedback on my story!

Title - The FireDraco’s Destiny: Rhea’s Arc
Author - AbbyB
Genre - Fantasy
Episodes - 4 (ongoing)
Description- After Talina’s Arc, Rhea is the legacy to destroy evil. Being a Dragon in the supernatural world is more than troublesome. Will you finish what your ancestors started?
Link - http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6247706304053248
Instagram - official.abbyb.episode
Thanks again and any feeback is appreciated.


#18

Hello,

I really enjoyed reading your story. I though that it was very unique, although I only had enough time to read 1 episode. I am looking forward to reading the rest.
Plot: I haven’t really seen the superhero plot too much on episode, so I think the plot is off to a good start.
Directing: I think the directing is good. I found some of the zooms to be really jarring though. I think that when two characters are just speaking, there really is no reason to be zoomed so close up, but this is just my opinion. I like the transition of colors used. I liked the use of the ice ball too.
Grammar: I didn’t notice anything that was misspelled, but I did notice was that there was no punctuation. I hope this isn’t too harsh, but there was no commas or periods and this kind of bothers me when reading.
Additional: So far I really like the story and where you are going with it.


#19

thanks for the opinion and feedback! I appreciate it.


#20

Hey,
I just fininished reading the first two chapters of your story. I have to say, that I really enjoyed reading it so far.
Plot: I love the plot. I haven’t seen too many stories on episode about this topic, so i am enjoying reading it. It’s refreshing. You also seem to have good direction.
Directing: I though your directing was great. I would just add a bit more movement to background characters.
Grammar: I noticed that there were some sentences that didn’t have commas, or were missing a word.
Additional: Overall, I thought this was a great story. I love it. It was really funny and refreshing to read. Also, in chapter 2, right in the beginning, there are two different songs playing at the same time.