Story: Triple Threat: The Life Of An Assassin
By: Sapp & Epy.bhaddie
Genre: Romance/Drama
**Episodes:**2
CC: Kinda hard to notice. Considering CC takes up the entirety of the first chapter. To me, this feels kind of pointless. The reason we get to read the first episode of each story without wasting a pass is because that first episode is supposed to get readers hooked for the story, enough so they’re willing to waste a pass to read what happens next. If you dedicate a story for nothing more than CC, then I have no reason to read the rest. We know nothing about the plot, characters, or what’s supposed to happen other than what the summary gives us. All we get is a customization game. Nothing more. Not only that, but it’s not even full customization. At least not for the MC, who is the character most people are interested in customizing (other than, who I assume are the LI’s, but we know so little about them they could very well be extras). Why dedicate an entire episode for incomplete customization? Especially when so many other stories have customization at the beginning of the episode, and then start telling the story. In the same episode. I recommend moving the events of the second episode (which I’ll get into later) to the end of the first. (3/10)
Grammar: I was able to find some mistakes. However, they weren’t really noticeable or distracting. Mostly improper capitalization of “I” and no use of apostrophes. (7/10)
Dialogue: Mostly fine. Nothing really struck out (other than the excessive swearing. Which, as a person who swears as if I were being paid for it, didn’t mind much. However, keep in mind some readers might not like it and, most importantly, this might get you in trouble with Episode. I’m not gonna take points off because of this, but you should still keep it in mind). Some parts were really weird, though. Especially when the characters would say things like “LAJSOSHSLD”. Keyboard smashing really isn’t something that goes into screenwriting, since it’s technically not considered dialogue. Reading this part is especially distracting. When I did, it completely made me forget about the story and only focus on trying to find a way to sound a keyboard smash out. Also, it’s important to talk about the authors notes. Which I’m counting as dialogue as it’s essentialy used to talk with the reader. I really don’t understand why it’s necessary to have those author notes. All they did wasn’t make comments about “look at how cute the girl is!” Or “it’s ok, she eats really fast”. Shouldn’t the reader be able to figure that out for themselves, by simply reading the story. The readers don’t need the authors telling them what to think, or explaining things to them in the middle of the story. Remember; show, don’t tell. (4/10)
Plot: There really isn’t a plot to talk about, at least not in the only 2 episodes I read. Like I said before, the first chapter was only used for CC, so the story really starts in episode 2. However, episode 2 is really uneventful. Nothing happened. Sure, we met the main characters, but nothing actually happened with them. They just cooked dinner, talked, went to bed, and then a mysterious person arrived. That’s a good way of ending the episode, but it’s really lacking the beginning and middle part. Since we’ve got basically no information on these characters, other than one has a daughter and the other is her best friend, there really is no reason for us to care for them. Or the plot, for that matter. Also take into consideration people see that cover, read the summary, and see the “fire and bullets” intro, and expect an action packed story. Or at least one in which something remotely interesting happens. Cooking dinner and banter isn’t really interesting. At least not for a story about an assasin. (2/10).
Pacing: Like I said before, the intro promises much more than what the story provides. It’s got this fire and bullets but when it begins, it’s nothing but slow-paced domestic life. It really brought my mood down, fast. (2.5/10)
Characters: We dont know much about these characters. Actually, I’m pretty sure we know nothing about them apart from the fact they’re friends. What about their personalities? I understand not letting the reader know about their backstory, that usually comes later in the story. But you’ve got establish characters good enough to get the reader’s attention. Show that there’s more to their personality than just swearing and bantering. Otherwise, why care about them? They mean nothing to us if we don’t know who they are. Please, please, make sure you show who they are in later chapters. Because, right now, empty is the only word I can use to describe them. (2/10)
Direction: There were some mistakes, which were unfortunately kinda noticeable. Like when the MC tries to get the kid off the counter, it looks like she’s both on top of the best friend AND part of the counter. This could be fixed by simple layer fixes, but it’s still very hard to let that slide. Other than that, not much to say. I did like the bed scene, though. Those were some nice covers. (5/10)
Choices: Other than the customization at the beginning, there were no choices. You might want to include some in the next chapters. It’s called episode interactive for a reason. It helps the reader focus on the story. (1/10)
Final score: 3,5/10
You’re gonna want to review your script before writing any new chapters.
so thank you so very much 
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