Reviewing stories! (CLOSED TEMPORARILY)


#1

I will be giving honest feedback only, no sugarcoating whatsoever. Remember that everyone is different. If I like your story, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will, vice versa. I don’t have a ton of free time on my hands, so patience is much appreciated. Especially because I am taking the time to review your story.

Rules:
-If you have already asked for feedback from multiple other threads (more than 4), please don’t request here. It takes time to read and review stories, and it is unfair to others who haven’t gotten feedback yet.
-Don’t ask me to list only positive things. Don’t request the feedback to be kept nice. My point: Don’t ever ask for feedback expecting it to be all rainbows and butterflies.
-I will review multiple stories of yours, but only one at a time. I will not review the same story twice.

To receive a review, create a post in this thread including the following:
-Name of your story:
-Author name (Episode username):
-Ongoing or complete?:
-Genre:

Extra notes:
-I will review only 1-3 episodes of your story.
-The time it takes to review your story will vary. It could take anywhere from 2 hours - 3 days, it really depends.
-Since I am taking the time to review your story, you must follow me on episode! My username is Author Clare.

Why am I asking you to follow me? I put a lot of time into making these reviews. It usually takes me at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours to do so. I love doing them, but something simple in return would make it a lot better.

CLOSED TEMPORARILY due to family stuff. I will still continue to work on the review requests that have already been accepted, though it may take some time. Thank you all for understanding. <3

:revolving_hearts:


#2

Hey, this is my first story and I hope you could give your honest opinion on it:
Title: SHANKED!
Author: feck.b
Category: action/adventure
Description: She runs in tears, bumping into a “school friend” stabbing someone. Forced to join in a British gang,What Will Haunt Her Now?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5563581969596416


#3

Your request has been approved. <3
Expect feedback within 1-3 days.


#4

Hi, @author_clare!

Thank you very much for creating this thread, this is very kind of you, I don’t think I have ever applied for your review, so here I am. Constructive criticism is exactly what I am looking for!

If you are interested in reading a story with several mini-games and where CHOICES REALLY MATTER then, please, give my story a try. I promise, the story will keep you hooked :blush:

My story details:

Name of story: H & V: Fate
Author: Alex Af
Genre: Thriller
Episodes: 4 (completed)
Summary of story: Young ambitious journalist hunting down a powerful tycoon who has made a fortune based on lies. But who really is a villain here? Choices matter.
Link to story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6548486212681728
Instagram: @episode.alex.af


#5

@Alex_Af accepted.


#6

Thank you very much!

:blue_heart::blue_heart::blue_heart:


#7

@feck.b
SHANKED!
First off, I really like how you animated the text. It really adds to the story!

Also I really like the title, very unique!

The use of East London slang really confused me as I’m sure it did others. If you have to put the meaning, maybe you shouldn’t have put it into your story at all. At some parts it took me a long while to read one line of dialogue. In the second and third episode, I even noticed that you added in a backround with slang terms and their meanings. The worst thing is, you didn’t even leave the backround up long enough to read it. If you continue to use slang this is how you could fix this problem using pauses:

Pauses!

EXT. BACKROUND

NARR
Be sure to memorize these terms!

@pause for 5 (5 is recommended :blush:)

@pan to zone 2

@pause for 5

If the words spread across zones, this can get a bit tricky and you may need to use another background or alter your panning method!

Other than that, I did notice a few grammar errors. Remember, don’t use abbreviations! Personally, grammar errors just make me frustrated. Make sure to proofread your episode multiple times before you post it!

I absolutely loved your use of zooming! You do a really great job at directing! I honestly can’t get enough of these zooms.

At one point in the first episode you had Orienta say this:
ORIENTA
Did I forget that Samantha is kind of a sket, she tries to wine on bare boys.
This sentence was a tad confusing by the way it was put together. Here’s how you could’ve fixed that!
ORIENTA
Did I forget that Samantha is kind of a sket? She tries to wine on bare boys.
You did this a lot of times where you would put commas instead question marks. But… it’s a simple fix! No need to worry.

In the classroom scenes, the transition from one set of people to another was messed up. It looked as though the characters were flashing out of no where. Here is a quick and simple fix for that using transitions:

Transitions

EXT. BACKROUND

@CHARACTER stands screen left and CHARACTER faces right

@CHARACTER2 stands screen right and CHARACTER2 faces left

@transition fade in 1

{Dialogue goes here}

@transition fade out 1

INT. CLASSROOM LA DESK - DAY with DESK CLASS

@CHARACTER3 stands screen right and CHARACTER3 faces left

@CHARACTER4 stands screen left and CHARACTER4 faces right

@transition fade in 1

I was a bit confused when Janelle didn’t want to tell Tyrone about the nasty things that Orienta’s ex-boyfriend had said about her. Janelle stated that Tyrone hated her, although previously in the episode Janelle had stated that Tyrone liked Orienta. I think that this thought could’ve been represented more clearly.

Another major thing; carrying choices throughout episodes.
I noticed that you had to ask in episode 2 (and three!) what outfit you had chosen Orienta to wear the episode before. This can get quite annoying for the reader as he/she can often forget easily. This if a brief example of how to get choices to pass from one episode to another using gains:

Choices

ep. 1
CHARACTER (think):
What outfit should I wear?

choice
“Playful”{

gain wear_playful

}
“Flirty”{

gain wear_flirty

}

Next episode!

if (wear_playful){

@CHARACTER changes into outfit_playful

}
else{

@CHARACTER changes into outfit_flirty

}

Gains are very simple to use and very useful as well! You of course can make past choices more complex, with adding labels… but if you need more in depth help on that feel free to send me a pm.

As for the plot, it seemed a bit rushed. To improve this, try slowing it down a little. Take one idea and expand on it completely.

Say you want to have your character break up with her boyfriend, meet a new guy, and make a new best friend in one episode. Instead, how about you give each of those ideas their own episode.

You would need to add more little ideas to contribute to each general point, I’ll use the break up as an example;

More questions you could ask to add more dialogue to that episode:

Why did they break up?
Did something dramatic happen?
Why does she want to break up with him?
Is there another guy in the picture?

Readers love having more details! This makes writing longer episodes so much easier.

All in all, I thought your story was really interesting! I see a lot of potential in your writing, and remember that their is always room for improvement! (also I’m really jealous of your zooms :laughing:)

Remember to follow me on episode! My profile is Author Clare. :cherry_blossom:


#8

Thank you so much Clare :slight_smile:
I’ll follow you right away.
-Name of your story: Falling for a Superstar
-Author name (Episode username): Nishee
-Description: Nicole unknowingly kisses a Superstar. Revelation,Differences, Acceptance! In the world of fame, can true love win?
-Ongoing or complete?: Ongoing
-Genre: Romance


#9

@Ni_shee accepted!


#10

Thank you so much, I’ll try improve my story, thanks once again for your feedback.


#11

Thank you. I’ll be waiting for your review. :blush:


#12

Hi! I would appreciate an honest review <3

Form: Ink
Username: ltxo

Author Name: Lara

Story Title: From Girly to Manly

Genre: Romance/Fantasy/Adventure

Description: Ever since the new queen’s reign the kingdom has been divided. There is a barrier between men and women. What happens if you have to pretend to be a boy, but then start to fall for the guy you deceived? [CC]

Complete or Ongoing: Ongoing, Ep 10 so far

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5238987157798912


#13

Hi @author_clare,
This is my first story that I’ve worked hard on, and I would like some feedback/opinion on it before I publish it. I waiting on my cover arts atm.

Title: Lost Boy Lost Girl
Author: MrBitPlayer
Genre: Drama
Episodes: 3 (ongoing)
Description: Will a lonely girl next door and troubled boy be able to overcome the challenges in their lives that inevitably bring them closer together? [CC] [+perspectives+]
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6253275339161600


#14

Hello,

Thank you for doing this. I want honest reply like you have said.

Name - I am Dating a liar
Author - Amiara
Episode - 5 out (ongoing)
Genre - Drama
Description - Ava had horrible past so she is afraid to date anyone. She started working in new company where her boss try to get her so she lied to ignore her boss that she is already dating.

Link - http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5425545387311104


#15

Cheers for this. I need it atm :smiley:

Name: Schoolboy’s Fantasies
Author: SelinaLunaria
Episodes: 6 (Ongoing)
Genre: Romance/Drama

Description: George may be the youngest son of a Scottish Duke but his early life is far from perfect, After his family take in a boy called Jeaki, George’s life turns upside down with his dark childhood coming back to haunt him (it’s only alluded too atm)


#16

Sorry, here is the link to it:
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5249556581580800


#17

Can you review an unpublished story?


#18

If you could pm me your script, I’d be happy to review over it!


#19

@Ltxo @MrBitPlayer @sandy_candy @Selinalunaria accepted, however…

Recently I have not had much time due to a traumatic event that has occurred within my family. I will try to get a review or two up tonight, but no promises. I hope you guys can understand.


#20

Take as much time as you need.