Reviewing stories! (CLOSED TEMPORARILY)

I will be giving honest feedback only, no sugarcoating whatsoever. Remember that everyone is different. If I like your story, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will, vice versa. I don’t have a ton of free time on my hands, so patience is much appreciated. Especially because I am taking the time to review your story.

-If you have already asked for feedback from multiple other threads (more than 4), please don’t request here. It takes time to read and review stories, and it is unfair to others who haven’t gotten feedback yet.
-Don’t ask me to list only positive things. Don’t request the feedback to be kept nice. My point: Don’t ever ask for feedback expecting it to be all rainbows and butterflies.
-I will review multiple stories of yours, but only one at a time. I will not review the same story twice.

To receive a review, create a post in this thread including the following:
-Name of your story:
-Author name (Episode username):
-Ongoing or complete?:

Extra notes:
-I will review only 1-3 episodes of your story.
-The time it takes to review your story will vary. It could take anywhere from 2 hours - 3 days, it really depends.
-Since I am taking the time to review your story, you must follow me on episode! My username is Author Clare.

Why am I asking you to follow me? I put a lot of time into making these reviews. It usually takes me at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours to do so. I love doing them, but something simple in return would make it a lot better.

CLOSED TEMPORARILY due to family stuff. I will still continue to work on the review requests that have already been accepted, though it may take some time. Thank you all for understanding. <3



Hey, this is my first story and I hope you could give your honest opinion on it:
Author: feck.b
Category: action/adventure
Description: She runs in tears, bumping into a “school friend” stabbing someone. Forced to join in a British gang,What Will Haunt Her Now?

Your request has been approved. <3
Expect feedback within 1-3 days.

1 Like

Hi, @author_clare!

Thank you very much for creating this thread, this is very kind of you, I don’t think I have ever applied for your review, so here I am. Constructive criticism is exactly what I am looking for!

If you are interested in reading a story with several mini-games and where CHOICES REALLY MATTER then, please, give my story a try. I promise, the story will keep you hooked :blush:

My story details:

Name of story: H & V: Fate
Author: Alex Af
Genre: Thriller
Episodes: 4 (completed)
Summary of story: Young ambitious journalist hunting down a powerful tycoon who has made a fortune based on lies. But who really is a villain here? Choices matter.
Link to story:

@Alex_Af accepted.

1 Like

Thank you very much!


First off, I really like how you animated the text. It really adds to the story!

Also I really like the title, very unique!

The use of East London slang really confused me as I’m sure it did others. If you have to put the meaning, maybe you shouldn’t have put it into your story at all. At some parts it took me a long while to read one line of dialogue. In the second and third episode, I even noticed that you added in a backround with slang terms and their meanings. The worst thing is, you didn’t even leave the backround up long enough to read it. If you continue to use slang this is how you could fix this problem using pauses:



Be sure to memorize these terms!

@pause for 5 (5 is recommended :blush:)

@pan to zone 2

@pause for 5

If the words spread across zones, this can get a bit tricky and you may need to use another background or alter your panning method!

Other than that, I did notice a few grammar errors. Remember, don’t use abbreviations! Personally, grammar errors just make me frustrated. Make sure to proofread your episode multiple times before you post it!

I absolutely loved your use of zooming! You do a really great job at directing! I honestly can’t get enough of these zooms.

At one point in the first episode you had Orienta say this:
Did I forget that Samantha is kind of a sket, she tries to wine on bare boys.
This sentence was a tad confusing by the way it was put together. Here’s how you could’ve fixed that!
Did I forget that Samantha is kind of a sket? She tries to wine on bare boys.
You did this a lot of times where you would put commas instead question marks. But… it’s a simple fix! No need to worry.

In the classroom scenes, the transition from one set of people to another was messed up. It looked as though the characters were flashing out of no where. Here is a quick and simple fix for that using transitions:



@CHARACTER stands screen left and CHARACTER faces right

@CHARACTER2 stands screen right and CHARACTER2 faces left

@transition fade in 1

{Dialogue goes here}

@transition fade out 1


@CHARACTER3 stands screen right and CHARACTER3 faces left

@CHARACTER4 stands screen left and CHARACTER4 faces right

@transition fade in 1

I was a bit confused when Janelle didn’t want to tell Tyrone about the nasty things that Orienta’s ex-boyfriend had said about her. Janelle stated that Tyrone hated her, although previously in the episode Janelle had stated that Tyrone liked Orienta. I think that this thought could’ve been represented more clearly.

Another major thing; carrying choices throughout episodes.
I noticed that you had to ask in episode 2 (and three!) what outfit you had chosen Orienta to wear the episode before. This can get quite annoying for the reader as he/she can often forget easily. This if a brief example of how to get choices to pass from one episode to another using gains:


ep. 1
CHARACTER (think):
What outfit should I wear?


gain wear_playful


gain wear_flirty


Next episode!

if (wear_playful){

@CHARACTER changes into outfit_playful


@CHARACTER changes into outfit_flirty


Gains are very simple to use and very useful as well! You of course can make past choices more complex, with adding labels… but if you need more in depth help on that feel free to send me a pm.

As for the plot, it seemed a bit rushed. To improve this, try slowing it down a little. Take one idea and expand on it completely.

Say you want to have your character break up with her boyfriend, meet a new guy, and make a new best friend in one episode. Instead, how about you give each of those ideas their own episode.

You would need to add more little ideas to contribute to each general point, I’ll use the break up as an example;

More questions you could ask to add more dialogue to that episode:

Why did they break up?
Did something dramatic happen?
Why does she want to break up with him?
Is there another guy in the picture?

Readers love having more details! This makes writing longer episodes so much easier.

All in all, I thought your story was really interesting! I see a lot of potential in your writing, and remember that their is always room for improvement! (also I’m really jealous of your zooms :laughing:)

Remember to follow me on episode! My profile is Author Clare. :cherry_blossom:

1 Like

Thank you so much Clare :slight_smile:
I’ll follow you right away.
-Name of your story: Falling for a Superstar
-Author name (Episode username): Nishee
-Description: Nicole unknowingly kisses a Superstar. Revelation,Differences, Acceptance! In the world of fame, can true love win?
-Ongoing or complete?: Ongoing
-Genre: Romance

@Ni_shee accepted!

Thank you so much, I’ll try improve my story, thanks once again for your feedback.

Thank you. I’ll be waiting for your review. :blush:

Hi! I would appreciate an honest review <3

Form: Ink
Username: ltxo

Author Name: Lara

Story Title: From Girly to Manly

Genre: Romance/Fantasy/Adventure

Description: Ever since the new queen’s reign the kingdom has been divided. There is a barrier between men and women. What happens if you have to pretend to be a boy, but then start to fall for the guy you deceived? [CC]

Complete or Ongoing: Ongoing, Ep 10 so far



Thank you for doing this. I want honest reply like you have said.

Name - I am Dating a liar
Author - Amiara
Episode - 5 out (ongoing)
Genre - Drama
Description - Ava had horrible past so she is afraid to date anyone. She started working in new company where her boss try to get her so she lied to ignore her boss that she is already dating.

Link -

Cheers for this. I need it atm :smiley:

Name: Schoolboy’s Fantasies
Author: SelinaLunaria
Episodes: 6 (Ongoing)
Genre: Romance/Drama

Description: George may be the youngest son of a Scottish Duke but his early life is far from perfect, After his family take in a boy called Jeaki, George’s life turns upside down with his dark childhood coming back to haunt him (it’s only alluded too atm)

Sorry, here is the link to it:

Can you review an unpublished story?

If you could pm me your script, I’d be happy to review over it!

@Ltxo @MrBitPlayer @sandy_candy @Selinalunaria accepted, however…

Recently I have not had much time due to a traumatic event that has occurred within my family. I will try to get a review or two up tonight, but no promises. I hope you guys can understand.

Take as much time as you need.

H & V: Fate

Before reading the story: Title doesn’t attract much attention to me. It is a tad bland. The cover art, however, is really unique! I love the way it is textured, and I think it looks really great all in all.

For English not being your first language, I think you did an astonishing job. I almost don’t believe you. It was really great English!

I really like how you implemented a cc aspect to your story. I understand why not all features were available. Story telling purposes of course! In the future I recommend using a writer-made template, some of which you can find on the forums. The templates that Episode provides are NOT updated and do not contain all character features.
Some I recommend can be found here and here! You of course can make your own, but codes like these take hours.

In the beginning of the story, I wouldn’t have explained as much as you did about how choices would impact the overall reading experience. This is because it can strongly influence the reader’s choices as opposed to them making the choices naturally. I would also recommend not to change the color of the choices, depending on whether they were the bad one or the good one. I really like having major choices implemented in stories, but I did not like the way you implemented them.

As for the plot, some of the pieces seemed out of place and quite confusing. You were presenting the mc as a very poor girl, without a solid education, and yet she had been accepted on a television show and had been able to meet up with an important icon for an interview. These things don’t quite add up and though I see that you are trying to show how she is striving for success, it didn’t quite make too much sense to me.

I really have liked your directing so far. It looks really great, and I haven’t caught any mistakes. Since you are quite talented with the whole directing scheme of things, I would highly recommend adding more backround characters. In all of your scenes, there were no other characters present. It would make it a lot more pleasing and realistic if you would take the time to add some more characters. There are even templates in the writing portal that Episode provides!

I thought it was really cool how you implemented a mini game into your story. There are a few things you could’ve done to make it the slightest bit better. Instead of sending the reader back to the beginning of the game if he/she had not stolen the phone at the right time, you instead could’ve had a consequence. I find repeating to be quite tedious. To make it more likely that the reader would snatch the phone at the right time, you could’ve used some social cues using actions. Maybe having Branna dropping something would show the reader that it was the proper time to steal the phone.

Very great cliffhangers as well. Kudos!

Back to the plot…

If the mc was such a talented journalist, wouldn’t she have a job associated with journalism instead of having her work at a bakery/cafe? I think it would’ve been much better if you had put her in a small company associated with journalism. She could’ve had a hard time getting recognized through the company and that’s why she would have wanted to be on fate.

All of this stuff just doesn’t add up, and there is so much more I can add to why it doesn’t make sense.

Besides that, I found the story very interesting and unique. Definitely something I haven’t seen much before, which really impresses me.

Overall, I really enjoyed reviewing your story. The main area for improvement would have to be making sure all aspects link up in some way, maybe by even explaining it a bit more. I think you did a really good job with the coding, which can be very confusing to writers who are new to Episode.

I am quite interested to see what happens, so I probably will be finishing your story! I think it’s a great start, and quite an impressive first story.

Remember to follow me on Episode! My profile is Author Clare. :dizzy:

1 Like