@Ni_shee
Falling for a Superstar
Before reading: I love your cover as well as your description, but it definitely could’ve used a large cover as well. In the description, I noticed a few grammar and spelling errors. This is a big no no and should be fixed!
In the first few scenes, Nicole was wearing a translucent shirt. If you were to ever use that shirt again, I recommend putting her in an undershirt or a bra as well. This is just so that the character isn’t completely nude.
Spelling and grammar has been really great so far… but I do have one mistake I’d like to point out.
At one point you had Ginger say this…
GINGER
You say another word of I look this and I look that and I am going to smack you.
Reading this for the first time got me confused, make sure to use quotes when having a character mimicking someone. This is how it should’ve looked:
GINGER:
You say another word of ‘I look this’ or ‘I look that’ and I am going to smack you.
Also, when having your characters shout, use exclamation points instead of periods. There were a few points when you used shouting animations for your characters while still using periods in the dialogue. Exclamation points show more clearly that the character is shouting.
Another grammar-related note… don’t use excessive punctuation. It can get annoying. One is correct and good enough.
If you are going to have a character sing, make sure to use a singing animation instead of having them talk. Your animating is pretty good besides that, but you just want to make sure you are matching the correct animations with the dialogue.
When Lucas approached Nicole at the beach, you had Nicole react a few seconds before the readers can see him. To fix this you can code it like this:
Reactions AFTER
@LUCAS enters from right to screen right AND LUCAS faces left
@pause for a beat
@NICOLE11 is shocked (or any animation you want to use)
It took quite a while to get to the point of the story. And even so, the first episode ended with almost no plot development. Going forward, make sure to include more in the first episode, as that will draw the intention of readers.
Besides that, I really enjoyed the beginning of your story. I think you especially did good at representing your characters… they all seemed totally realistic and like they were different, not the same. Continue writing, I think you did a really great job.
Thanks for following me on Episode. So glad I could review your story 
EDIT: Sorry this isn’t as long as the others. It’s honestly because your story (at least the episode I reviewed) had very few mistakes. Good job!
