Reviewing Your Stories!

Hiya! I’m running out of chapters on the stories I’ve been reading so I’d like to see what you guys have out there. I’m just looking to read some of your writing and offer my honest opinion on it. The only thing I’m truly picky on is grammar so I promise I won’t be to harsh (after all I’m no professional)!

Basically, I’m just going to offer my opinion - NOT anyone else’s. Even if I felt your story was cliche, some others may have never read anything like it. It’s all a matter of perspective. It’s going to be mostly based on the first episode, but it’s not hard to get me hooked - so, needless to say, I’ll probably be continuing to read most of these :joy:

Anyways all you have to do is comment the following things and I’ll be on it as soon as possible!

Author Name (that’s you!):

I’m excited to see what you have in store!

EDIT: I am not easily offended - that is to say, if your story contains excessive swearing, horror or violence elements, or anything that is deemed appropriate for a “mature audience”, that is completely fine with me. Personally some of my favorites are dark and descriptive :wink:

EDIT 2: Unfortunately, because of certain complications, I can only review stories that are already published. Please do not send me a link. I will not be able to review your story. My apologies :tired_face:


Title: MC: The Bar n 23rd
Author Name (that’s you!): Dr.Smile
Description: The link between taking action and nostalgia is an odd stranger who seems to poison him with the one thing that sunk him in the first place: love.
Genre: Action

Thank you for this thread and Note the description is different on the app.

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I am a dyslexia. so I hope you survive my grammar

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Thanks for this thread!
I have 2 stories so far, and I’m hungry for feedback! :smiley:

Title: Make Me Feel Alive
Author Name (that’s me, lol! XD): JiangShi
Description: He has a gorgeous face, a hot body, and a shocking secret hidden behind his mesmerizing pair of almond-shaped eyes. And oh, dear Lord, he’s just moved next door!
Genre: Fantasy/Romance/Comedy

Title: Adventurous: 2.5 Million Light-Years Away
Author Name: JiangShi
Description: Are you ready to leave everything and everyone behind to discover the secrets of another galaxy 2,5 million light-years away from home? Then get on board!
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi/Comedy

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Mine story is called I made the devil cry,
author Šebule,
genre: drama/fantasy
description: The story is about war between kingdoms, evil king, hopeless situations, strenght of friendship, fate and unconditional love :smile:
(I’m not native speaker, sorry if there are mistakes) Thank you for your opinion! :slight_smile:

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Title: Oblivious
Author: The_saminator
Description: When socially awkward Leanna catches the eyes of equally awkward Kai things can’t get more awkward, can they?
Genre: comedy


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Thanks for this thread!

Title: Dreams and Nightmares
Author Name: Dreamer
Description: Scarlet had a rough past and it looks like it’s not getting better after she was bought by some mysterious guy. Will she ever turn her life from a nightmare to a dream? (yes, I know I need a less cliche description…
Genre: Romance/Drama


My story: © Tribe of Malapinchi
Author: Jannah Jackson
Genre: Thriller/Mystery/Horror/Fantasy/Adventure
Description: Toss into a land of the sun, magic, lies and dark secrets in Asia. Can you survive, solve the havoc and save everyone before it’s too late? CharacterCustomization
Episodes: 5/6



Review - MC: The Bar on 23rd


Hi there Dr.Smile! I have to say I enjoyed the premise of your story: a young man struggling with his social anxiety. It reminds me of a musical I know, called Dear Evan Hansen. However the plots, of course, are very different (at least from what I’ve seen).

Personally I feel like the plot is a little confusing; I’m not quite sure where it’s headed next. This could be good or bad! If you’re trying to make it unpredictable, than keep doing what you’re doing. I think that Blade, your MC, and his relationship with the character with blonde hair and violet eyes is moving a little too fast: that being said, such is the case when alcohol is added to the mix. The cliffhanger at the end of your first chapter was completely out of the blue and perhaps needs a little premise: even if that just includes something like: “Somewhere in the distance, I heard someone coming up to where we were talking. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I heard something click.” And then, have this mystery character pull out the gun.

I did feel like your first chapter was extremely short. I do, however, understand that sometimes chapter length needs to be give or take to have the cliffhangers in the right place. That being said, perhaps there could have been a bit more filler: it’s painful to add this as an author, but it satisfies people more for God knows why. I haven’t gotten to your second and third chapter yet, so perhaps this is improved throughout the story.

Your grammar was fine. I didn’t see any real issues with it. Of course, there’s always room for improvement.

So far, we’ve only met two real characters: your MC, Blade, and the woman with the blonde hair. They seem to both have very different personalities, which works nicely and will help build their relationship. I enjoyed the premise of Blade’s struggle with his anxiety, which rounds out his character more. He also seems to have a bit of a backstory with a “Cathy” as shown by the tattoo the girl points out. I am excited to find out more on that topic!

I thought your directing was great; I especially enjoyed the beginning title scene, where the glass is being visibly filled. I thought that was cool and hope to see more like that. I also believe I saw some height variation in the beginning of the chapter, which is a little tricky to get just right. Keep writing and improving your directing - it is already quite fantastic!

Overall, I enjoyed the idea of your story and am looking forward to see where you take it. I don’t usually read action stories but yours pulled me in. I think you could do something with your story description like you mentioned in your reply: “An odd stranger who poisoned him with the one thing that sunk him in the first place - love.” That is a great line that I think would fare well in your description.

Hope this helped, in any case! :grin:


It helped a lot! Thank you! I’ll fix the description again and will try to make things move slower and make chapters longer, I will add more scenes and meaningful dialogue (it’s just that these were for the contest and they advised for episodes to be shorter than usual). You should be a professional.

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Title: Bad Behavior
Author: Aaliyah Ali
Genre: Drama
Episodes: 4 (more to come)
Summary: How will Alana, Lucas, Ryan and Rachel survive their past and conquer their future…
If bad behavior follows them everywhere, they go?
cc, and choices available!
Style: Limelight




Review: Retrace


Hi Josefine! I understand that you have dyslexia and that English is not your first language, so I won’t be taking into account your grammar. Unfortunately, in the real world, grammar does matter for your stories so it is great you have someone to spellcheck your chapters. If you ever need any other help with your grammar I’d be happy to assist and I’m sure many others on the forums would as well.

I do feel the premise of your plot is cliche (and it’s great that you recognize this)! It doesn’t help that one of the newer official episode stories revolves around the mafia. That being said, you have mentioned it is an original take on cliche topics, which is an interesting idea.

The idea that your MC has little knowledge of her father and is confused as to why her mother won’t tell her anything is a cliche on its own, but does invoke curiosity from your readers.

I was very confused on why the option to call 911 showed up when our mother walked into the house. Was there a gunshot? Or did a window break? Why is the MC so concerned? Perhaps a sound effect would fare nicely here and limit confusion. It also could have been that I, unfortunately, missed something! It does become clearer after the man exits the MC’s home, but it doesn’t give the reader much premise as to how to make their decision.

It was a little shocking to find the MC’s mother in a pool of her own blood after setting out to find her. I also felt upset along with the MC when the man who attacked the MC’s mother was deemed not guilty.

The case file was a great twist and that is something I’m excited to learn more about. I was still a little confused about that premise and wish more had been explained on that topic. Eventually, it started to make more sense after it switched back to the present day. The twist that her mother had given birth to her over a mission was interesting and I’m excited to see where it leads.

I felt like Russ was something of a father figure to the MC and I liked his character. He sympathized with the MC well and their relationship is a nice touch.

I enjoyed the MC’s emotion upon learning that her mother’s attacker would be let free after doing what he did. But I do feel that the way she went from 100 - 0 (right from yelling at Russ to telling him, “I’m so sorry, Russ. I didn’t mean to yell at you.” I think it would have worked better to have her end that conversation on an angry note and apologize later with a more level head. I felt like the way she talked with her mother like everything was normal, despite her coma, was very heartfelt and realistic. Keep adding moments like that.

Wade was an interesting character; he’s obviously a ladies’ man and despite his recent ENGAGEMENT, is still playing the field. I also enjoyed that the MC’s mother had morals and wasn’t too fond on hearing about Wade’s motives.

The chapter length was perfect. Just long enough for me to enjoy it! A little longer than most, but that’s the way I personally enjoy it.

Adding CC to your story is a nice touch that most readers appreciate. It is, after all, in most stories nowadays. I chose to name the MC Anne Marie and picked Sandra for her mother’s name.

I don’t quite understand why Don had a separate CC if the only purpose was to make him look like the MC: there are ways to change his hair color, skin tone, etc. when the player customizes the MC. This is what most writers do when they have customization and family characters. This also confused me on why, if this was the approach you took for her father, why did we not also have this choice for the MC’s mother?

Overall, I enjoyed your story and definitely feel like the characters were well rounded and written nicely. Keep doing what you’re doing!

I hope this helped in any way :grin:


Thank you! I understand the chapter length with the contests and whatnot. I do dream of someday being a professional author or critic. I just hope my reviews aren’t too harsh, I try to keep it honest and helpful.

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Nah, it wasn’t harsh. It was very helpful.

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thanks for the review I really appreciate it.

and thanks for not mention my grammar. with other reviews, I have gotten even though they have been told they fell a need to tell me anyway

I know this story is a cliche I did not have plans about publishing it but then I ended up having the entire plot written down. and thought why not

with the 911 choice, there was gunshot sound. I dont use much sound in my story but the ones I use is important aka why I do a sound test at the start of each chapter.

I dont explain what is happening cause I am going for a movie concept where its show not tell. explaining what is going is something you do in a book

I gave Don the cc because some people can’t accept the fact you dont give full cc. also, also it was easier just to make a cc for him then type in all you have to type for him to look like the mc. I am also gonna give an extra chance to redo the cc in episode 6. but I do like to imagine the one who gave the mc an unnatural hair colour and then the mom has the same. most be funny to look at. honestly, I would be happy not to make cc but I did that in another story and all the comments were people asking if they could do cc

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Hey! Thanks for this thread! I hope you’ll feel like reviewing my story :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Title: Rich Girls Cry Too
Author: Ava Josefine
Episodes: 7 (with more to come :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:)
Genre: Drama
Plot/Summary: Vera’s dream of becoming a famous musician feels closer than ever when a new, big TV-show about her school is being made. But things don’t turn out the way she expects them to.
Style: Limelight



Thanks in advance! :grin:

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Okay, sorry for not realizing the gunshot was there! I discovered my phone was having a sound issue so I unfortunately did not get to experience that part of your story. Personally I thought it was great. :grin:

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thats alright i often myself forget to put sound on when i read. it is always confusing when they do something because of a sound and you did not hear it

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WOW! I’ve only read your first story so far, but I will get back to you when I move on to the second. Before I get into the actual review, I just wanted to say I thought it was phenomenal! Seriously, I truly enjoyed that first chapter and can’t wait to read the rest when my passes are refilled :joy:


While there is limited backstory on the characters we see, I feel it works well in your story. It makes the reader curious for more information on characters such as Nana, Kyle, and Kyle’s parents.

I loved that your story description really gave the reader a taste of what to expect in the story without giving too much away. Well done!

On the topic of “showing and not telling” as many Episode stories are intended for, I think you had the perfect blend of both! Obviously in an Episode story you want to mostly SHOW the events and not tell. (The former is what books are for, which is why many Episode fans have opted for are beloved story-telling app in the first place.) I enjoyed the short descriptions, they really enhanced the story and made me feel like I was truly in Nana’s place.

Nothing felt incredibly predictable or cliche. The only cliches, if any, happen to be the “new kid next door” and “bad boy” tropes, which were not overdone in the slightest. I think the boy next door trope will serve this story well, and that Kyle isn’t so much a bad boy as he is simply a sarcastic and cynical character. I felt that no other story with these tropes really did it in the way you have written, so that’s a huge plus. Not much was predictable either, and so I kept wondering what was going to happen next. Kyle standing outside of Nana’s window was definitely a surprise! I don’t think any improvements need to be made into the plot, and I’ve really enjoyed it so far!

I think your first chapter length worked well. It was a little short, but sweet, and so I don’t think any changes needed to be made. The character customization, as we all know, takes up plenty of lines anyway.

There wasn’t really a cliffhanger, but your writing made me hungry for information on what happened next nevertheless. Well done!

Your grammar was great, with minimal errors that I’m sure were just careless typos that most people wouldn’t even notice. The basics such as commas were used perfectly and not much change is needed if any.

On a side note, I LOVED the way you utilized text effects to make the speech bubbles more vibrant and enjoyable. That enhanced the story as well!

While we don’t know much about any of the characters, I think Nana fares well as the MC. She seems to have a fun personality and is a fun character to play as.

Kyle, who is mysterious, tall, and SUPER HOT (excuse my informality) is a very interesting character with a backstory I’d love to know more about. I can’t wait to see how you develop his character.

Since all we really know about who I assume is Nana’s best friend, Kelly, I can’t tell if there’s going to be any stereotype for her but so far I think she’ll be a fun character to have around. (I usually hate any stereotypes for MC BFFs, such as the “gay best friend” trope or the “dumb blonde”.)

The option to customize Nana was a nice touch and customization always makes the reader feel more involved with the story. Additionally, limited customization always intrigues me and I always want to know why we couldn’t choose the aspects the author limits us to. In your story, we were not able to change the character’s name (Annabelle, nicknamed “Nana”) or her eye color. While I haven’t seen any real reason for this yet and I am assuming this is a personal preference thing, it didn’t really bother me and I thought customization was enough for me.

There were no layering issues from what I saw.

The way you utilized sound effects was FANTASTIC. Every noise and music clip seemed to fit perfectly with the scene and I really enjoyed playing with my headphones in. Nothing felt out of place and so I really enjoyed that bit.

The only glitches I noticed were in the first scene, and it was the inevitable - Richard, while in a looping background, seemed to be sliding while performing the laughing animation. I don’t really blame you for this though - I think Episode needs some more walking animations.

The animations seemed to go well with the character’s feelings & thoughts.

There was some well done more complex directing - spot directing was used to make certain characters taller than others and I always love to see that, because it’s not always easy and requires a determined author! I enjoyed how Kyle was taller than both of his parents and Nana’s mother was taller than her. Nice job!

I liked seeing a use of filters in the beginning scene. Not many stories use this feature so I’m always excited to see an author taking advantage of it.

The zooming was well done and I enjoyed all of it. It was well-paced and none of the zooms felt too fast or too slow.

I liked having outfit choices, and I felt like all of the outfits were cute and well put together. I usually struggle with this, so I’m a little bit jealous! I do think you could have used a few more choices, but to each his own! Sometimes we get a little to into the story to remember to add those pesky little things.

The hugging/kissing animations used with Nana and her mother were placed and layered well and looked great.

Kyle, who is Asian and Nana who can be of any ethnicity by reader choice added a small bit of diversity. Besides the option of Nana by the reader, we haven’t seen any characters of color but this is obviously subject to change. I think all stories can benefit from diversity with included characters of many ethnic backgrounds and a few LGBTQ+ characters here and there.

I think the cover art could have been a little bit better. Especially on the larger cover, where we can see a little bit of a choppy white outline on the characters. Obviously this is just an opinion and has nothing to do with the quality of the story.

On an unrelated note, I just ADORED Nana’s sister Mandy! She was super pretty and I couldn’t get enough of her! I hope to see plenty more of her in future chapters. However, I am wondering if she was possibly adopted, as she looked different from Nana and both the girls’ mother. Obviously this depends on the customization done by the reader, but I kept Nana’s hair and skin tone the same.

Overall, I absolutely ADORED your story and am super excited to read more! :kissing_closed_eyes:


Do you mind reading unpublish the story?

Title Scars
Author inxmyxeyes
Description The past created who she is right now. Life never goes easy on her. That’s why she became so ruthless to everyone she’s met.
Genre Action
Style LL

I will send you a link by DM :slight_smile:

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