Reviewing Your Stories!

Wow, it’s a really detailed review, thanks for that! :slight_smile:

Some comments

Plot: I’m that kind of author who loves to show something new in every chapter, to surprise her readers, to add some twist and maybe some cliffhanger(ish part)s here and there. And sometimes I act on a whim, so I even surprise myself :joy: (and sometimes I wonder if I’m sane, but that’s another story :joy:).
I purposely didn’t tell any deep details and background story since I plan to gradually unfold the plot (this way I can lure back most of the readers, haha :stuck_out_tongue: ). I’m glad that it seems to work. :smiley:
I try to avoid clichés, yup, as much as possible, but a bad boy(-looking guy) is a must. :smiley:
Grammar: I’m not a native speaker, I just prefer to stay silent about it. :joy: Emphasising it is not a good PR! :smiley: Anyway, I kinda use a dictionary and grammar guides for even an “a” (lol), and I also have some friends who do some spellchecks for me and give me some advises. Now, let’s get serious: I’m not saving time on creating my dialogues, I spend a huge amount of time on writing them to reach the best possible result (and besides Google, thesaurus, merriam-webster dictionary, urbandictionary and other useful sites are my best friends). I also improve myself this way, and it’s a must, because it can be so frustrating when you can’t express yourself the way you could in your native language (for eg. the new word I learned today is shillelagh, lol xD).
Directing: I’ve already made some changes based on two reviews and the new things I learned, thus my directing is not that terrible anymore, but still, I’m a bit lazy to fix some scenes, even though I know I could do better. I rather focus on making more enjoyable animations hereafter. :wink:
Choices: Dunno if there is any “standard” on how many choices a chapter should optimally contain, but I rather add less to avoid mistakes like refering back to something that hasn’t happened in your version of the story (for eg. You choose to eat an apple instead of a peach, but then in the next chapter I accidentally write that you ate a peach, because I forget about the choice… if you know what I mean; I always have to pay full attention to the details, and sometimes it’s hard if you have a toddler around, so the less choice, the less chance to break the space-time continuum :D).
The CC is also something I added after publishing the 5th chapter. :smiley: I might try to figure out how to alter the relatives’ features based on the readers choices. I thought I could skip this part if the mother has light skin and the father has a darker type. :joy:
Diversity: You will see more in the later chapters. :wink:
Cover: Let’s not talk about that. XD I can sing and play some instruments, but I have no talent for arts. :joy: Maybe some day someone will take a pity on me. :joy:

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Wow, I couldn’t tell that you weren’t a native speaker, I thought your grammar was just fine! :grin:

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Title: Out Of Your League
Author: Keeko
Genre: Romance, drama & mystery
Summary: Austin Drake; he’s smug & unbelievably tempting. Ivy had always let curiousity consume her, will she follow the rules, or will she require a new perception? Lust, Lies & Scandals
Chapters: 4

Hi Sebule! I enjoyed your story. The directing was great and I like the plot so far. Here’s some constructive criticism.



I found it a little odd that there was no background information for the MC, Raven, or her companion, Helena. I think it would have been useful and aided the plot. It also could have added useful information to help your readers understand your story.

Unfortunately, I don’t think your story description seems to match the content of your story. All that your readers know so far is that you have two girls who work for a mysterious “master”. This doesn’t really show any bad decisions made on Raven’s behalf, per se, but simply that she is involved in a mysterious business. I think you could improve your description by mentioning Raven’s career (or gang that she is involved in). Your description may have been misleading and could have led your readers to believe it was about something else.

On a positive note, I did feel like you were SHOWING and not telling. This is very crucial for all Episode stories: most readers aren’t there to read a five-paragraph backstory - they’d rather see a flashback through your directing! You did a good job of letting the events of your first chapter play out on the screen. That being said, you could have used minor descriptions to explain certain things, such as when Helena and Raven were fighting the men. Simple things like, “I held tightly onto my gun, steadied my aim, and fired.” This could have provided some nice detail to help your readers better comprehend what was going on.

Another favorable quality I noticed was that nothing seemed super cliche or predictable, although it did kind of remind me of your run-of-the-mill mafia girl story. I did find myself unable to guess what would happen next and that is a good thing to have when writing.


Unfortunately, I felt your first chapter was lacking in length! It definitely could have been longer and short chapter length usually angers readers. They don’t spend their passes on nothing! If your first chapter is too short, they will assume the rest of your story will be this way and refuse to spend any passes on a chapter that only gives them about three minutes of reading time.

If there was some sort of super intense cliffhanger, the short chapter length would have been more forgivable. However, your first chapter ended on a rather neutral note and didn’t make the reader feel an “I NEED to know what happens next!” sort of urgency.


Like you mentioned, you are not a native English speaker, so I kept an open mind while thinking about this. Unfortunately some of your readers will not be aware of this and might be a little harsh about this topic. If you ever need help with spell checking or proofreading, I and many others on the forums would be happy to help!

As any author can improve, I recommend to continue working on your punctuation, vocabulary (more descriptive words always benefit an author) and comma placement. This is not necessarily something you were lacking in, but rather general advice to every author.

There were minor spelling mistakes and this is obviously a little inevitable. Everyone makes mistakes.

I think a few text effects here and there could help make your story seem more action-packed and intense!


I didn’t really feel like your characters were exceptionally well-rounded or had super diverse personalities - but this can be developed throughout future chapters. To me it feels like we just have to bad*ss characters that know how to maneuver a gun.

I feel like both Raven and Helena have a little bit of cliche bad girl in them, but also have a sense of humor and live for the thrill of the kill.


While many readers LIVE for character customization, I felt like not giving your reader that option enables you to tell the story YOU want to tell. Personally I don’t actually prefer CC, and like to read about specific characters the author invents. So, in my opinion, this worked nicely!

Your introduction was interesting and pulled me in. I always like seeing some sort of intro for stories. That being said, it only provided context for the current events and not much else. I think this is where you could have inserted a little backstory.

There were some sound effects, which was nice, but this was mostly just gunshot sounds. Keep working on sound effect choice and placement to get the mood of the story just right.

The animations worked fine, and demonstrated the characters’ emotions well.

Your directing was simple save for overlays, and could be improved, but overall was well done. Great job!

The zooming was a little confusing and fast-paced. Slow things down a little to get it just right.

You could have implemented more choices, but the choices you did have were nice. You say that choices matter, so I hope to see this demonstrated in future chapters.

You used lots of overlays that enhanced the story, which I enjoyed. However some looked a little choppy and could have been better. The spotting was a little off.


While we have only truly met three characters, I would like to see more ethnic diversity.

The cover is a little clunky but does set the mood for your story and gives us a glimpse into Raven’s personality.

In conclusion, your story has an interesting premise and I’m looking forward to see where you take it. Keep writing! :grinning:

Hi RainbowCat! I just finished Chapter One and I liked it. I’m interested in your story and am looking forward to reading more later.



I do enjoy Scarlet’s complex background story, but I think it could have been presented differently. The seemingly endless narration may bore your readers and cause some of them to refuse to finish your stories. It does provide context, but it is a little cliche and overdone. It feels a little bit like filler to make an already extremely short chapter longer, and doesn’t seem to fit well with the story.

Your story description does seem to fit well with the story, and for that I have to say well done. It provides some context that would otherwise not be there. Good for you!

Unfortunately, you are TELLING a lot more than you are showing. This is problematic, as the entire appeal behind Episode is that you are watching the events fold out on screen rather than endlessly tapping for more narration. This is what I mean when I say her backstory could have been presented differently: SHOW me what happened with less narration, rather than TELL me what happened with more narration. Your descriptions may be perceived as too long or boring by some readers.

I do feel like your story is pretty predictable and cliche, and you could have added more twists. An orphaned anti-sue isn’t going to captivate your readers. Work on adding twists and turns to make your readers more immersed in your story. There are many stories out there that are VERY similar to yours, so you’ve got to make sure your work stands out.


Your first chapter was extremely short, and this is something that generally frustrates many, many Episode players. This will make them irritated and they won’t want to read more. Perhaps if you had shown more instead of telling, it would have been a little longer.

Sometimes, a short chapter is okay if there’s a great cliffhanger. Such is, in my opinion, not the case with your exposition. It ended on a neutral note and didn’t make your readers feel an urgency to spend another pass.


Your grammar was fine, and I didn’t notice any real mistakes. You would, however, benefit from using larger vocabulary and more descriptive language, as it helps the reader feel more immersed in the story.

I also think text effects could help bring a little more action into it.


I don’t see a lot of variation in your characters: all I’ve noticed is, you have good and bad characters. Thus far, all of the female characters have been innocent, helpless cliche anti-sues, and all of your male characters have been terrible, abusive human traffickers.

I think Scarlet could use a bit more personality to really bring her character to life. So far it just seems like we have a character who is just endlessly proclaims how unhappy she is. Such is life.


I feel your story could have benefitted from character customization to make the reader feel more involved.

There wasn’t really an introduction, and the first scenes of your chapter only provided a simple, not very detailed context.

You DEFINITELY need to add sound effects. So far we just have visuals. Nowadays, almost ALL Episode stories have sounds - this is a MUST.

There were some glitches in animation and character movement that could have been prevented by testing your story more thoroughly.

Many animations were repetitive. Sometimes, even if certain characters are experiencing the same emotion, having them all perform the idle_sad animation isn’t the answer. One could look scared, one could be crying, and the OTHER could be doing the idle_sad animation. This adds variation and interest.

Your directing was simple and it felt like your narrated introduction was just a lazy way to avoid showing the story instead of describing it.

There was only one or two choices throughout, so your number of choices should increase. The entire appeal behind Episode: CHOOSE your stories is that you get to choose what happens next.


Your cover art could be a little cleaner and brighter (even if it is a story with a dark topic). The more eye-catching, the better.

All in all, I liked your story. Keep up the good work!

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Thanks for the review! I’ll look over all those things you’ve stated and try to improve

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Thank you for your opinion :smile: , I wanted to reveal characters’s pasts slowly, so there are some flashbacks in another chapters, but yeah I was also worried that my first chapters is quite confusing, but I wanted some action start which grabs you into the story because I personally hate long boring introductions… ANYWAY you, like a reader, did you enjoy it and would you continue reading it or not? You know when you read a story and you are like omg no another one please … or yes, that was good I’m going to another chapter :smile: … ( I hope that you know what I mean and don’t worry I won’t be offended, I’m just curious :slight_smile: )

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Story Title: Happy Ever After
Author: episode_vic
Description: As a top assassin, falling in love was never an option for Alexa
That is before she met her new target, Noah
But what if behind their affair, there’s something more? (choices matter)
Genre: Drama

I’d be so thankful if you could review my story and tell me more about what should I fix.

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Yes, I will definitely be reading more! :heart_eyes:

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Hi I would love a review !

Title Break Away
Genre Drama
Style Ink
Author Giana
Chapters 9 (10 is half way done!)
Description Twins Blythe and Braxton have only had each other. Until Holden and Collin came along. What happens when one twin wants to follow a path of love, desire, and destruction?