Hello.
Hale Huna.
Episode 1
Elliott’s Story.
•Layer issue. Kendall walks through Elliott. Try moving Kendal to layer 3.
•After character is speaking. Try this; &KENDALL is idle_handsonhips_loop or anything (idle)
•Mom and mother, same with dad don’t have to be capitalized UNLESS it’s the start of a new sentence or you are using the first name.
Tom’s Story.
•Ellen and Tom pops in. try &ELLEN stands screen back right AND ELLEN faces left (same with tom). For a smoother transition, put @transition after you placed the characters.
•Speech bubble placement make sure you play around with that. Always make sure you @speechbubble reset and under that the correct placement for the character.
•Use more @transitions (its looks better).
Connor’s Story.
•Again… Characters are popping in.
•Connor is floating (in the air) when he comes in Kendall’s room. Try; spot Connor off the screen and then have him walk to spot.
•“we’re fearless, sassy, and bad bitches!”
•When dad says to go choose your room. Instead of doing @cut to zone #, try @pan to zone #. Then do @pause for a beat
•“Holy” doesn’t have to be capitalized because it’s not a name or place and because it’s in the middle of the sentence.
•Dashes (-) are used when you are running out of space or when you do no want to keep writing on one line.
•When Kendall is on the beach, you forgot to zoom back on her, so the speech bubble is on Adrian rather than her.
•Speech bubbles are everywhere but, on the person, talking.
•Party scene. The background character in the grey is floating. Also, you should give the characters some animations.
•Scott and Kendall pops in the scene
•“Rhymes with hot” lol that was funny.
•Adrian is a creep lol. Just standing there… eavesdropping.
•The story behind “Hale Huna” could use a lot of work. Same with directing it.
•For the question templates, move the speech bubble down, so we can see the whole splash.
- Sometimes they’re paused for a long time.
Episode 2
•Tom is really fun, - change to “Tom is really fun.” Or “Tom is really fun –“or “Tom is fun.”
•For the flashback. Try adding filters. It will look better and give the readers a better experience.
•Speech bubbles are all over the place.
•When the characters are exiting. Make them walk to spot off screen. Example; @CHAR walks to spot 123 456 -345 in zone 3
•How did she know how to open the door? Especially since this is all new to her… maybe add that in there?
•I don’t understand. The fairy was confused what Kendall, Scott, and Adrian were. Then Kendall tells the fairy her name, and suddenly, she knows who she is?
•This reminds me of Once a upon a time.
•When Kendall is talking to Tom in his bedroom, Kendall is floating.
•Ariel and Belle. You should spot them in.
•Limelight boys are shorter than the girls. You might want to play around with spot directing.
•The background characters are walking on the tables.
•Adrian and Scott are jealous lol. It’s been 5 minutes, calm down boys.
The story has potential, I like Kendalls. She’s awkward,corny and cute.
All the things I listed carry out throughout the episodes. You might want to go back in and fix them.
(Completely optional)