✨ Robyn's Review Shop 🌿 [FREE]

Creator's Corner Share Feedback
,
#1

reviews1
reviews13795×1080 646 KB

Hello, hello! I’m Robyn, and I’m in the mood to thoroughly review some stories to help you revise and improve your work. My reviews are clear, coherent, and I make an excellent sensitivity reader for various topics that require research and work in making things accessible for all.

You can see all of my reviews (and yours, if I’ve uploaded it) here!

reviews2
reviews23795×1080 608 KB

i. Please keep in mind that my reviews are blunt and I will not sugarcoat your story’s flaws. While I will point out what I do like in stories, every good writer faces a mass amount of critique in their lifetimes, and you are no exception! If you are sensitive to constructive criticism, I advise you to check out the various other reviewing shops that are present on this forum.

ii. I will not read more than three episodes at a time. I don’t have the time, energy or effort for it. If I genuinely like your story, I might read it and leave fan mail in my spare time, but it will not be from a critique point of view. You are welcome to send your work to me more than once; just make sure it’s in batches!

iii. If your story contains any potentially triggering topics, you must let me know in your form. While I can read anything, there are topics I need to be in the right headspace for. Topics that I would like to be warned of will be listed in the form; but if there’s anything you consider sensitive material, list it anyways.

iv. Be patient. I am a student who is juggling two outside writing projects and my own Episode work in progress. I don’t always have the time or energy to read through stories and take notes. If I am unable to complete your review or it’s taking longer than expected, I will contact you privately and let you know.

v. I may turn down your request for any reason. Be it I don’t have the time, it makes me uncomfortable, it doesn’t sound good, and various other reasons. I do not have to explain myself. If I feel the need to, I will.

iv. Follow the form. For sections that don’t apply, please use N/A instead of cutting it out. This allows me to easily skim without worrying if it’s being cut out or ignored for a reason. Please don’t include your story card- in the kindest way possible, I don’t want to see it. New posters breaking this rule will be ignored.

vii. All reviews will be posted to my blog, positive or negative. If you don’t want me to post it, please let me know beforehand.

Please note that this thread got a massive amount of replies in a very short time! I’ll do my best to review every story, but please be aware that your wait time may be longer than expected.

The password is Goodfellowe.

reviews3
reviews33795×1080 590 KB

Title:
Genre:
Is your story published?:
Tropes/Clichés Included: (i.e. bad boys)
Short plot summary:
Story link:
Content warnings: Triggering content for me includes all and any forms of child abuse, sexual assault/rape, and suicide. If your story includes these topics, you must include it here. Ifr you think your story contains sensitive topics that are not listed here… list it anyways!
Password:

reviews4
reviews43795×1080 588 KB

12 Likes
#2

Title: LDR: Good at Lying
Genre: romace
Is your story published?: Yes
Tropes/Clichés Included: (i.e. bad boys)
Short plot summary: You go to school but end up going to juvive… Will you be able to go to school? Will you be able to get out? Read to find out!
Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4545057231929344
Content warnings:
Password:goodfellowe

#3

Alright, you’re on the waitlist. I’ll let you know when I’m done.

1 Like
#4

Thank you

1 Like
#5

Hey @robyn.g! Remember me :sunglasses:? The person who made you character cards?

I would love to hear what you think of my story as well!

Title: Call of Duty
Genre: Drama
Is your story published?: Published
Tropes/Clichés Included: (i.e. bad boys) Rich boy?
Short plot summary: Isabella has been assigned as an undercover agent to arrest a crime lord. With a materialistic, rich, and arrogant bad boy as her partner, can she succeed? [cc]
Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5281177222316032
Content warnings: N.A.
Password: Goodfellowe

1 Like
#6

Hello Robyn. Thanks for this :heart:
Title: i-Humanoids
Genre: Mystery
Is your story published?: Yes
Tropes/Clichés Included: Mystery, some crimes.
Short plot summary: With the increasing cases of missing people in the metropolis, you can trust no one. But can you trust a mysterious non-entity whom for all the while you thought is a human?
Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5273039194488832
Content warnings: -
Password: Goodfellowe

1 Like
#7

How could I forget? Your work is phenomenal!

@HazelJ I have added you both to my waitlist.

2 Likes
#8

Thank you! :star_struck: :heart:

1 Like
#9

Hi @robyn.g I would like a review too :slightly_smiling_face:
Title: I married my troublemaker (ll)
Genre: comedy
Is your story published?: Yes
Tropes/Clichés Included: (i.e. bad boys) Yes
Short plot summary: A Fixed marriage to a person who brings trouble into your life, will this marriage turn out to be a success or bring misery to you.
Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5041175542431744
Content warnings: yes
**Password:**goodfellowe

1 Like
#10

Awwww thank you so much! :sparkling_heart:

1 Like
#11

Thank you for doing this, dear. Here’s my story.

CECC82A4-7E55-469C-ABF8-003A39771382
CECC82A4-7E55-469C-ABF8-003A397713821200×675 183 KB

Pass : Goodfellowe

Trope includes : independent and fighter girl MC, funny and hacker LI, Action, Mafia, Romance.
Content Warning : Domestic Violence and Murder.

#12

Hi! I believe you filled out the form wrong.

What are the tropes you’ve included?

What is the content you are warning me of?

Once you let me know, I will add you to the list!

@Roy I’ve added you to the list! For future reference, please use the form provided above instead of a character card. Thank you!

2 Likes
#13

Okay. Thank you.

1 Like
#14

Thank youu for this thread! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Password: goodfellowe

1 Like
#15

Title: The Creature is ME
Genre: fantasy
Is your story published?: Yes
Tropes included: Vampire,werewolf,witch and Ares.
Short plot summary: A tragic incident changes Star and Ruby’s life forever.
Will they ever be able to survive in the dark supernatural world of various creatures.
Story link:

Password: goodfellowe

2 Likes
#16

Review: Good at Lying

@whitney99

I’ve finished your review! As always, please keep in mind that nothing here is meant to be taken personally and is simply my personal review on your story.

I think most of what I can say about this story can be summed up to there being lots of potential. Sadly, no matter how much potential a concept has, that alone isn’t enough to make a good story- and unfortunately for Good at Lying, potential is all its got.

TL;DR

3/10. Good at Lying suffers from two-dimensional characters and a lack of proper directing, pacing and storytelling.

Full Review

One of my biggest pet peeves in new stories are when authors walk onto the screen and introduce themselves. There’s no need to announce that this is your new story. In many cases, this often lowers my expectations and causes me to close out of the story without continuing on. It’s much better to start your story off with the introduction.

As for your introduction… it really caught my eye, actually, and what really gives this story potential. A young woman yearning for her lover while in prison is a very interesting concept, especially as they try to figure out what they can do to circumvent legal and societal obstacles. But after the introduction, everything just goes downhill. The story itself gives no hints to the future and is a stereotypical high school story I could find in any story in the new users section. If I had been a regular reader looking for something new to read, this would’ve immediately turned me off (if I had managed to get past the introduction).

Something I recommend to every new author is to show, not tell. It’s an incredibly important tool that helps flesh out characters and universes as a whole. You should be able to show that your characters are good friends instead of having your main character say they’re close friends. The same goes for constantly having your MC’s friend abandon her. Additionally, you should never be introducing your MC’s qualities in the second chapter. We should know who we’re playing as within the first three scenes of her presence.

In Life is Strange, Max’s character is revealed entirely without words. She is quiet, shy, and disconnects from the world using music. She knows everyone, but isn’t necessarily close with anyone. She drifts through the hallways as a background character of her own story.

In Wolfwalkers, the deuteragonist Mebh og MacTíre’s character can be summed up for the first 30 seconds her human form is onscreen. She is mischievous. Rambunctious. She is much more wolf than she is human.

There is nobody saying either of these things. It’s simply shown, and it does wonders for the story.

You have lots of filler scenes that are completely and entirely pointless. If they don’t add anything to your story, they don’t need to be there. Nothing happens in the cheerleading scenes except for samefaced characters walking on and off in the same outfits doing the same animations. Spot directing could bring this entire scene to life- and there are users here happy to help. Here is a template I found for you. Still, if nothings happening in this scene, it doesn’t need to be shown. It’s already been established that our MC does cheerleading.

To add onto this, I believe spot directing and background characters could really bring your story to life. How about having some of the cheerleaders at the party? Lots of scenes feel lifeless because there are only two-three characters onscreen at a time. A party wouldn’t be a party if there were two people, right?

Alongside filler scenes, you have many filler choices that are only there to make readers feel like they’re doing something. Choices are great, and every story should have them- but little choices like “what should I have for breakfast?” don’t add anything to the story or the plot and are ultimately pointless.

Choices that do seem to matter, like telling your brother the truth or not, are brushed over. I chose the MC to tell her brother the truth about her day, and he had no reaction at all except for “cool, my day was great”. Have him attempt to comfort the MC or tell her how she should drop her jerk friend! If he’s meant to be mean, rub that in! Have him interrupt her and be like, well my day was great, and have the MC seem annoyed or upset by him brushing her off!

Finally, conflict is important to a story… but yours are thrown in completely without warning. The MC stealing money comes out of nowhere. There’s nothing anywhere alluding to her family life or giving any sort of warning to the fact that she is poor. Once again, show don’t tell is crucial. Have her stress about her mother’s illness in the beginning where you’re supposed to introduce her instead of throwing it in randomly.

I’m guessing that this is your first story, and that’s okay! We all start somewhere, and I know my first story wasn’t any better. Seek out help! Users on the forums are always here to assist you and give you advice when needed; we’ve all been there! Additionally, automatic proofreaders like Grammarly are your best friend and will help you add proper grammar and periods when needed.

I wish you the best of luck on your story, and hope my review can help you improve where improvement is needed.

1 Like
#17

@GM_Episodes and @adilistic.stories, I have added you to my waitlist!

2 Likes
#18

Thank you

1 Like
#19

Hey! I would love a review when you have the time!
Title: For Dear Life (Limelight)
Genre: Horror
Is your story published?: Yes
Tropes/Clichés Included: (i.e. bad boys) Kind of? Not really. There is like one person that was intended to be the archetype of a stereotypical bad boy, but there is slightly more depth to him.
Short plot summary: An old flame or your ghost husband? One wants to save you, one wants to claim your life. But who can you really trust?
Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5319692842106880
Content warnings: Death, murder, assault, abuse.
Password: Goodfellowe

#20

Tropes/Clichés Included: bad boy, nerdy female mc, romance,comedy,drama.
Content warnings: use of mature theme and strong language (will it count? Otherwise none)