Hey everyone it’s Roni! I have recently created a thread for covers, intros and outros so if you would like one go and check it out! As you can see from the title i will be reviewing your stories. I will only be reviewing the first episode because if readers don’t enjoy the first episode they will most likely stop reading your story. I am a very honest reviewer so if your feelings get hurt easily you may want to find someone else. I will be giving out brutal constructive criticism in order to help you intice readers into continuing your story.
"You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression."-Will Rogers.
Please do not ask for a review if you’ve already asked on another thread and/or platform.
- I do not appreciate people wasting my time.
- And honestly if you need 5+ people to review your story it just tells me you’re not very confident with what you’ve written.
- Also please don’t just read your review and ignore it, i have given up my free time to read and review your story so the least you can do is thank me.
Please fill out the form below for a review of your first episode:
I will be extremely honest is that ok?: Yes/No
Please please please don’t ignore your review! I cannot stress enough over how much effort i put into them! If people continue to ignore my effort i will stop reviewing stories, thank you.
This is what one of my reviews looks like :
Title- Kotton Kandie.
I thought the storyline was fragmented and forced at times due to the amount of information you thought you needed to clarify to the reader. No twisty plots nor rich characterization and no deep dive into a certain kind of behavioral psychology. This was more of an analysis of obsession, and morality on the characters’ motivations and relationships. You didn’t use flashbacks nor did you use forshadowing, these techniques can be very important because they give insight into a character’s current motivation and emotional state. Flashbacks show an event that happened years before the story begins, which is vitally important for the reader to know in order to fully understand the tension or mysterious circumstances of the current story.
Average plot score: 2.4 (Equilvalent to a high C)
Personally i like episodes to at least hit the 15 minute mark, your first episode took me around 5-8 minutes to read. Which isn’t terrible if the content included makes up for the length, however you didn’t include any valuable content that i took an interest in. Most of the scenes were unnecessary and/or quite tedious. I would’ve liked to see a better starting point, perhaps showing what Kandie has faced in her past that had such an impact on her she felt the need to attend therapy sessions. Although you made the main focus point of the story quite clear i do feel like you forced the cliffhanger at the end of the episode to get it over and done with.
Average episode length score: 2.2 (Equilvalent to a low C)
Grammar and sentence structure:
There wasn’t many mistakes regarding grammar and the mistakes included weren’t at all noticeable. Your overall spelling was pretty good despite some minor errors in the midst of sentences. You doubled your punctuation alot in order to make points (??) instead it may be better to use (?!) this way your grammar looks more professional and clear. Other than those errors and a few random speech occurances, your grammar didn’t cause me any problems. In time and with practice your grammatical skills will provide readers a valid reason to read your story.
Average grammatical score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a low B)
Your protagonist, Kandie, was quite a confusing character judging on the way she handled certain situations. The reasonings behind her impulsive descisions weren’t always clear and explained with this in mind readers may not consider her a likeable character. For example the scene in the school when she ‘fought’ a teacher wasn’t necessary as it only proved that Kandie’s character isn’t very intelligent, this scene also turned her job into an unrealistic situation. Your characters are people. Regardless of what they’re doing in your story, they’re whole, real people. They have their own experiences, their own motivations, their own wants and dreams. Don’t write a woman “like she’s human” because she is human.
Average character score: 2.2 (Equilvalent to a high C)
The visual elements of your story weren’t exactly ‘jawdropping’ as i didn’t notice any advanced experimentations other than general directing skills. There was nothing wrong with your directing, in fact i noticed no errors with it apart from your opening scene where you as an author introduced the protagonist rather than allowing her character to unfold gradually to the readers. You used zooming a few times however i noticed many more scenes in where the use of zooming would’ve improved the general aesthetic of the scene. The spot directing could’ve been better as you could’ve included more of a variety of background characters to properly set the scene and highlight the main focus points.
Average directing score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a low B)
P.S. Thank you so much for patiently waiting for this review, i hope it was worth it!
I look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
Thankyou! If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask .