Hi, I’m the author of FFG. Can you elaborate on which lingering clichès?
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Nothing specific. Just any aspects of the story that have already been pursued by another author within a different story. 
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed. 
Thorns.
Author\s- @WinterMoon05 & @Liz_jc.
Title- Thorns.
Plot:
Overall i felt that your plot was in the midst between partly cliché and unique. The exposition was extremely brief and undetailed, i would like to have seen a more detailed response regarding the characters’ backstories and relationships. Recently, i have been seeing more and more stories that focus on a female agent desperate for answers and/or money to help her or her family’s current situation, so unfortunately i can’t class that element towards the unique side. However the fact that Rose chose to act upon her thoughts at the time to help her aunt and sister does clear out some cliché aspects within the plot.
Average plot score 2.5 (Equivalent to a C)
Episode Length:
The first episode lacked length as much as it lacked necessary content. None of the scenes felt very meaningful nor did they draw my attention. The cliffhanger at the end of the first episode had a minor effect which just wasn’t enough to persuade me to keep reading. To achieve a greater impact on the reader i would advise you to write longer scenes with interesting dialogue and describe both the situation and the characters in as much detail as possible.
Average episode length score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Grammar and sentence structure:
At a glance, i didn’t notice anything distracting regarding the layout of the grammar. However occasionally you used the wrong word or abbreviation in sentences. I also found that Rose didn’t always use age appropriate vocabulary; she sometimes used words and phrases that made her sound younger than she was. Overall the errors were not persistant enough to distract me from the story.
Average gramatical score: 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
Characters:
Your female protagonist, Rose, is a very determined character willing to do anything for the people surrounding her. I do think that she still has a long way to go until she can be classed as a ‘rounded’ character (well-developed, not easily defined). The worst thing that could happen as a writer is that you feel indifferent toward the characters. If you don’t care for the characters, readers are more likely to dismiss most of their defining traits.
Average character score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Directing:
Your directing style is quite basic, you only used some moderate zooming and character placements, nothing extremely advanced. There was a good amount of choices within your first episode which is reasonably rare for writers to include as most just opt for the classic ‘backstory episode’. The transitions and zooms ranged from basic to advanced as the episode progressed, most readers prefer episodes to be clean and consistant throughout (using the same colour for transitions, sticking to the same zooming style etc.)
Average directing score: 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
Surviving Love.
Author\s- @WinterMoon05 & @Loversdelight.
Title- Surviving Love.
Plot:
I felt the plot was quite slow moving and perhaps a little boring. There was nothing in particular about the first episode that made me want to continue on. The forshadowed exposition didn’t quite draw me in nor did it intrigue me as to how the characters’ ended up having that conversation in that particular position. In order to affect the reader emotionally at the start, i would insert a narration bubble and talk the reader through what happened before showing them the characters’ picture perfect relationship. I would also advise you to alter the story description as it gives little to no insight about the story and the characters within it.
Average plot score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Episode Length:
The first episode was way too short for my liking and possibly for many other readers. The episode consisted of no more than three scences which dragged on due to unnecessary dialogue. If you are going to talk about past events (their date for example) many readers would prefer to be shown it as a flashback instead of being told in dialogue form. There was not much insght whatsoever as to where the story is going and how things will play out. The episode ended quite abruptly, i didn’t have any questions regarding the characters nor the situation therefore i had no reason to continue reading.
Average episode length score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Grammar and sentence structure:
I didn’t notice many errors regarding spelling however i did notice a few punctuation errors for example sometimes you misplaced odd commas or missed out a letter in a word. These errors were not persistant and they did not deter my attention. I would have liked to have seen some more advanced vocabulary and some detailed descriptions regarding both the characters and the settings.
Average grammatical score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Characters:
I felt like both the female protagonist and the male love interest were quite flat characters. From what i gathered neither of them had many uniquely defining characteristics nor did they have any interesting traits. I wouldn’t say they were cliché i just wasn’t very interested in their personalities. This is just my personal opinion of course, you may find that other readers will adore your characters and the roles they play within your story. I just think that to enjoy a story in all of it’s glory, the characters must feel like living and feeling induviduels in order for me to feel strongly about them and their relationships.
Average character score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Directing:
Your directing is clean with no bugs or anything that detracts from the story, however it lacks advanced skills and experimentations. You didn’t use any zooms nor did you use any advanced spot directing. Personally i find that advanced directing makes the story so much more enjoyable and sometimes even deters the reader’s attention from cliché storylines and/or characters. If and when you have the time i would suggest learning some more advanced skills in order to attract more readers. Despite the obvious your simple directing has near to no mistakes.
Average directing score: 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
Reformed.
Author\s- @CordeliaM
Title- Reformed.
Plot:
Your plot seemed incredibly cliché to me as it includes the typical bad boy falls for bad girl plotline; no matter how many plot twists these kind of stories have i will never find them wholly unique due to their unnecessary flat characters and mundane context. There was barely any insight into the stories exposition nor was there much description regarding the location and/or time; this information is generally the main source of inticement for readers so i feel it is important to include a little insight into them. Looking through the app, i wouldn’t necessarily be drawn to your story through the description as it doesn’t sound at all unique nor does it contain anything to draw attention away from similar stories.
Average plot score: 2.0(Equivalent to a C)
Episode length:
Your first episode felt quite rushed considering the amount of information you felt the need to include. The scenes gradually became shorter as the episode flowed, this will most likely bore readers and cause them to stop reading. Having more interesting dialogue and regularly using transitions will help prolong these flashy scenes and encourage readers to continue on with the episode. Overall your first episode was a reasoably good length, i also think you ended the episode at a good time even though you didn’t include much context.
Average episode length score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Grammar and sentece structure:
There were some minor spelling and grammatical errors throughout however it didn’t really distract me from the story. The errors mainly consisted of missing punctuation and vocabulary errors. Also try to restrain from using ellipsis too much as it will slowly lose its effect and will no longer serve any purpose to you as a writer. I also noticed you used commas quite frequently in the wrong places, it is perfectly fine to use them wherever you feel appropriate as long as the context you are separating grammatically agrees.
Average grammatical score: 2.5 (Equivalent to a C)
Characters:
The first details i noticed about your characters was when they met, it was very cliché and predictable. I somehow knew near enough exactly what Violet was going to say to Carter and i detest that i could predict that. They automatically had this whole hate-love thing going on and that really threw me off because its the same with every bad boy bad girl romance i’ve read. Despite their pedictable relationship Violet is quite a rounded character, she has many traits that you can elaborate and change based on the feedback you recieve. Carter on the other hand is just a stereotyical bad boy with barely any unique aspects to his personality causing him to seem quite flat and undeveloped making him much more like a minor character rather than the main love interest.
Average character score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a C)
Directing:
Your directing is smooth and bug free with hints of advanced features and bulid ups to realistic scenes. You spot directed your characters nicely rather than using the basic spot places, you also used zooming where and when it was appropriate to do so. It was quite clear to me that your directing will advance with experience and practice. Rather than going into a different scene to introduce a character, you should probably just zoom in this will clear the view for the reader and help smooth out your scenes. Also at the start when they are running together they start from the very back of the background, it would look cleaner to use zooming there.
Average directing score 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
Lost Boy Lost Girl.
Author\s- @MrBitPlayer
Title- Lost Boy Lost Girl.
Plot:
Your plot is different and detailed to a point that it starts to become confusing to the reader. I was able to follow the multiple perspectives however some people may struggle, so i suggest you make it clearer either through reader messages or narration e.g.(now playing as…) I feel as if your writing style doesn’t exactly fit your plotline; the story focuses on two protagonists (lonely girl & troubled boy) however the story stretches out to more than two perspectives making it harder to concentrate on the main characters and their story. Don’t get me wrong, your style of writing is rarely seen within episode and i think it’s good that you’re experimenting with different viewpoints and situations.
Average plot score: 2.8 (Equivalent to a B)
Episode length:
Your first episode was a pretty nice length, it wasn’t as long as i expected it to be however you did include a reasonable amount of information to give readers a taste of your style and plot. Most scenes fitted nicely into place apart from a few anomalies which dragged on enough to deter my attention away from the story. In order for you to succeed as an author you need to keep readers on their feet by randomly unveiling unexpected information about both the story itself and the characters within it.
Average episode length score: 2.0 (Equivalent to a B)
Grammar and sentece structure:
I barely noticed any mistakes regarding your physical grammar however i did notice that the dialogue shared between the characters became quite robotic as the episode progressed. I didn’t feel much meaning behind the characters’ speech, in order to enjoy a certain story sentimental conversations between characters and towards the reader is a must if you want your characters to appear realistic. Leaning back towards the grammatical side of things, i noticed that you occasionally missed out letters and apostrophes in words, this didn’t really affect the story itself but it’s always good to check over your writing for mistakes.
Average grammatical score: 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
Characters:
As far as your characters go, i think you did a pretty great job of introducing and representing each of them. As soon as we were introduced to a new character you gave a brief explanation stating their basic information and key traits which really helped to move the story along. Leo and Destiny both have alot of potential as characters, their personalities collide and i can picture the having an interesting relationship. I do still feel that some small aspects of their personalities are robotic and predictable causing their interesting traits to fade out. In order to make your characters feel more realistic you need to create genuine situations between them and have them respond accordingly.
Average character score: 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
Directing:
I really enjoyed your directing style, it’s not simple enough to be boring nor is it advanced enough to be glitchy. It allowed the episode to flow uninterrupted, and i pressume readers will find your directing smooth. The only thing i would point out would be some of the scene changes, when talking about Destiny’s illness you used a black background rather than a zoomed fixture on a certain character, it would be good to see her true feelings about what she is coping with and how she manages to live despite her differences. Overall i barely noticed any mistakes.
Average directing score 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
I read the title, But I want to be listed as pending and make sure I don’t forget this thread.
Thank You 
Story Name: Simple to Chaos
Description: Two Best friends take a turn for the worst when a school shoot-out happens and they’re the names a gang member is calling for.
Genre: Action/Adventure
Some tags: CC, Choices, LGBTQ+, Trailblazer
Instagram : @lee.lee_26
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6065730015199232 1
2 Likes
Thanks i’ll add you to the pending list 
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
Sandy and her Quadruplets.
Author\s- @r.j.14
Title- Sandy and her Quadruplets.
Plot:
Typically, i don’t read many comedy stories, however i did find your story quite entertaining despite the anomalous themes within it. For me the plotline seemed very uncertain as there wasn’t much content regarding the exposition and all the necessary information was scattered randomly throughout the episode. The main conflict is obviously finding the father to the boys; this conflict is essential to the story therefore it should be reasonably detailed and thought through. I thought you could’ve added alot more detail to Sandy’s backstory and to the characters in general. Overall i thought you just missed most of the comedy pregnancy clichés.
Average plot score 2.6 (Equilvalent to a C)
Episode Length:
Although the first episode was a good length, there wasn’t much content included. Most of the scenes were quite fast paced however that didn’t distract me from the story at all. The first episode took me around 10 minutes to read, this was a good length. As this is criticism for the first episode, i am looking into reader inticement; in all honestly it wasn’t the plot that inticed me it was the characters so i suggest you go into more detail if you want readers to continue on to the second episode.
Average episode length score: 2.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
Grammar and sentence structure:
I know why you addressed your lack of understanding regarding your grammatical skills. There was a constant flow of mistakes from punctuation errors to spelling errors. This will definately be one of the main distractions for readers, i cannot stress over how important grammar is in stories. If readers are bothered by your grammar they will most likely exit the story and never go back into it. Even if it is just a case of asking a friend to proof read episodes or carefully going through them yourself, you need to improve your grammatical knowledge if you want readers to thoroughly enjoy your story. The main mistakes i noticed were in your punctuation, you casually missed out or added too many full stops and/or other marks of punctuation.
Average grammatical score 2.0 (Equilvalent to a C)
Characters:
Like i said before about your plot, Sandy as a general character is quite confusing. Her intentions aren’t always clear when it comes to raising her kids, one moment she takes on the role as a loving mother and the next she becomes quite unpredictable and abusive. Perhaps this is just a consequence of her past experiences impacting her actions however some readers may become puzzled by her sudden personality changes. Moving on from her raising techniques, Sandy as a character is the main comedic protagonist within the story, her limericks are usually quite funny and light-hearted. As well as a strong language warning you may want to warn the readers about the mature themes within the story, mostly from Sandy. The boys were also a solid source of comedy throughout, they were all raised by the same woman however they each have completely different personalities i would’ve liked to see more into that and have the reasonings explained.
Average character score 2.2 (Equilvalent to a C)
Directing:
You have successfully zoomed and spot directed without any noticeable mistakes. Your knowledge for directing really added depth to the story and cleared up the exposition. There were some instances where the directing could’ve been better e.g. when introducing Sandy and the boys. Instead of using a plain black background you could’ve dove into some past events explaining their personalities and why they have been influenced differently. Apart from that your directing was pretty good, there was no advanced experimentations however the characters made up for that.
Average directing score 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. -Roni x
1 Like
Thank you for your review! There’s some points that I do not agreed example the past because I want to focus more on the present. I don’t know if it’s like that in the literature because I’m studying in movies and the style of writing is really different. Also, I don’t want my story to be a pregnant story cliché 
Nevermind 
, I really appreciate that you take your time to review it and I agreed with the plot (I’ll fix that) ! I understand for the grammar because I hate reading text in French with too much mistakes but I’ll try to improve it!
Thanks again! 
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You’re very welcome!! That’s absolutely fine and your choice if you want to focus on the present for now. Just keep in mind that a majority of readers are interested in the backstories of the characters 
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I understand! Thanks again 
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This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
Love Has No Color.
Author\s- @brvnda.
Title- Love Has No Color.
PLot:
In depth, your plot is quite thought-provoking due to many indifferent themes within it. It clearly follows the story of two young people forced to make a stand against prejudice views and opinions. There wasn’t much content included in terms of the exposition however the fundamental elements of conflict were very clear and unique. I found the romance side of things quite boring and predictable, e.g. they bump into each other outside school, she has the choice to either apologise or stand up for herself and so on… alot of authors use this scene as an easy character meeting. I also found the classroom scene reasonably predictable and cliché; Naturelle has no other choice than to sit next to her potential lover therefore forcing them to engage in conversation.
Average plot score 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
Episode Length:
Your first episode look me around 10 minutes to read, this was a pretty nice length considering it the content included. For me it was pretty much a taster for what is to come, readers were introduced to the characters and were given small insights into the main themes of the story. It had a nice pace to it, most minor scenes lasted the same amount of time, they didn’t seem rushed nor did they drag on for an unnecessary amount of time. All i would say is that you may need to focus on a variation of different scenes that still relate to each other but follow a different pattern to the others.
Average episode length score: 3.0 (Equivalent to a B)
Grammar and sentece structure:
In terms of spelling, i barely noticed any mistakes other than a few minor misplaced letters. Your use of punctuation was almost always accurate despite some random commas in the midst of sentences. You used alot of noun phrases sometimes they were accurate, other times not quite. You extended your sentences quite a bit when describing certain scenes and/or appearances. I would suggest using more short sentences to create impact e.g. when Naturelle was expressing her fellings about her school experiences.
(Average grammatical score 2.9 (Equivalent to a B)_
Characters:
As far as personalities go, i felt like Naturelle was on the edge of becoming the typical feisty new girl. I understand she has a long way to go as a character so it wouldn’t be right to judge her developement throughout the story, i am merely judging on first impressions. She seems like the type of character to question everything before acting on them, she’s a long way from a rounded character however not too far away from a flat one. I can see her views and opinions changing as she finds out more about the world she’s living in. Ace is quite similar in terms of viewpoints, he clearly doesn’t agree with his family’s views nor does he aspire to. He came across as quite a predictable character when interacting with Naturelle. Both characters are in need of more in depth traits and uniquely identifying characteristics.
Average character score: 2.6 (Equilvalent to a C-B)
Directing:
It was clear from the start that you would be using advanced directing. Your transitions were clean and easy, your character placement was really clear and the animations flowed nicely alongside the dialogue. I found the animated intro really interesting and appropriate for the story. I do feel like you could’ve included more zooms to highlight certain moments within the story however other than that the directing was really good.
Average directing score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
H & V: Fate.
Author\s- @Alex_Af.
Title- H & V: Fate.
Plot:
Acting on first impressions, i wouldn’t necessarily read your story based on the description as it comes across as quite static and tedious, however as i was eased into the story and the plot started to unravel i began to enjoy the details included in the exposition. It would’ve been nice to see a flashback or two taken from the protagonist’s past as this would help readers understand the current situation and perhaps give them insight into the possible outcomes for that particular character. Despite my minor issues with it, i thought the plot was executed nicely and the concept of your protagonist’s situation was clearly portrayed.
Average plot score 2.4 (Equilvalent to a high level C)
Episode Length:
Although the first episode was a nice length, i felt as if the first episode lacked quite a bit of content. A majority of the scenes had a similar purpose for the readers as they each led to similar scenes. I think the opening was very effective as it gave valuable insight into the story itself without spoiling anything. The only thing i would advise you to do is to include a little more content with more value and purpose to the story. Apart from my advice, the length of your first episode was a pretty nice length with a strong-flowing pace.
Average episode length score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
Grammar and sentence structure:
Considering English isn’t your first language i was quite impressed with your grammatical knowledge. There was only a few occasions where i noticed a few errors regarding sentence structure, you sometimes used the wrong words in the wrong context or you just missed a word and/or letter out completely. You also occasionally misused punctuation in most sentences, there were too few or too many commas. Be consistent in how you use commas and strike the right balance. Despite that, i did indeed enjoy your descriptions of certain characters’ thoughts and feelings; the use of this technique really helped to move the story along and retrieve valuable information about the characters.
Average grammatical score: 2.8 (Equilvalent to a low level B)
Characters:
The story is presented so that the reader is able to personally choose the basics of the main character’s personality and views on life. I tried to find some sort of original aspects that you as an author included in the protagonist. I noticed that the MC’s outlining personality traits resembled a young, optimistic girl willing to do almost anything for a better future even if she has to choose a particular side to live her life. She tends to question herself often along with the people surrounding her and impacting her actions. Readers will greatly appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into insuring their enjoyment.
Average character score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
Directing:
Your directing was clean and simple, it lacked some advanced experimations e.g. overlay animation etc. The transitions and colourful effects you used implied a wider knowledge of directing. There was no noticeable glitches regarding character placement and zooming however i did notice that your overlays glitched when changing scenes too quickly, this is most likely out of your control but it can be prevented by checking over your basic overlay placement. Despite that and a few minor zooming errors i thought your directing was great!
Average directing score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
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Thank you so much for this very detailed review, @roniepisode!
It was my first story and looking back at it now I can see how much I have progressed since then. It all thanks to the amazing feedback I received! So thank you very much for pointing out the flaws as this is what helps me develop and become better!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
1 Like
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
Fantastical: Worlds Collide.
Author\s- @GamrrGuy
Title- Fantastical: Worlds Collide.
Plot:
Honestly, your plot is very boring and i found it difficult to follow. There was no exposition whatsoever nor was there any interesting elements to the story. The miniscule elements of fantasy i found were very predictable and not to mention extremely cliché. The main story description that appears in the app gave no insight and/or hints to the purpose and initial plot of the story. I would’ve liked to see alot more detail about the characters’ past experiences as well as a much clearer overview of the original plot. The main conflict wasn’t at all obvious which made the story seem static and quite unoriginal. In order to actually clear up the basic outline of the plot you may want to plan it out thoroughly (exposition 
rising action climax falling action resolution)
Average plot score: 1.0 (Equilvalent to a D)
Episode Length:
The duration of your first episode wasn’t too bad, it could’ve been longer. The scenes however were very flashy and unorganised, they kept switching from day to night with alot of unknown time jumps. If you’re going to do this, keep in mind that many readers will become confused and they will most likely stop reading your story. The flow of the episode was extremely jumpy and distracting therefore it made the episode appear shorter. To prevent readers complaining about this i advise you to lengthen the more important scenes and direct your attention to improving the dialogue and making it more interesting.
Average episode length score: 2.0 (Equilvalent to a low C)
Grammar and sentence structure:
There was many persistant errors regarding your grammar. Most of the issues i noticed were to do with spellings and missing words. For example you used your alot instead of you’re especially during the first initial scene involving characters, just remember your is a possessive adjective and modifies nouns whereas you’re is a contraction of the two words you are. I also noticed how you substituted cuz with cus alot, there is nothing wrong with this as they are both abbreviations for because. However this language is often used in text conversations and is perhaps inappropriate for stories. Despite those errors, your grammar wasn’t too bad.
Average grammatical score: 2.4 (Equilvalent to a C)
Characters:
Acting on first impressions, your main characters’ personalities didn’t exactly entice me. There wasn’t really much too them that stood out for me; they didn’t have any interesting or unique traits that would lead me to eventually like the characters on personal levels. All of your characters could be easily defined in a single sentence due to the fact i know so little about them. Personally i have a sort of system that enables me to create interesting characters that readers will enjoy. Speech What does the character say? How does the character speak? Thoughts What Is revealed through the character’s private thoughts and feelings? Effect on others What is revealed through the character’s effect on other people? How do toward the other characters feel or behave in reaction to the character? Actions What does the character do? How does the character behave?
Average character score: 1.8 (Equilvalent to a high level D)
Directing:
Since you’ve written your story using spotlight, there’s not much i can help you with regarding animations and character placement. However as you capitalised alot of words in order to have certain effects on readers, i advise you to start experimenting with text effects. Not only does that add a nice touch to the story it can also project important views towards the readers. I would’ve liked to see zooming used as it helps to move the story along. Overall your directing was good!
Average directing score: 2.8 (Equilvalent to a high level C)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
1 Like
This review is based off of my own opinion. It has not been written to insult nor discourage the author in any way. I am merely trying to encourage the author and give constructive criticism where it is needed.
Over Before You Know It.
Author/s- @Lizard
Title- Over Before You Know it.
Plot:
What struck me most about your plot - and unsettled me, to be honest - is the brutality of it, sugarcoated by the characters’ self-deprecating irony, witticism and half-hearted outlook on adolescence. The themes approached in this story are not light, despite seemingly narrated in a light-hearted way: teen suicide and personal identity. I think it is good that you ,as an author, were brave enough to address these issues and raise awareness for the subject; not many authors would feel comfortable doing that. Other than that, it’s a good plot, well-executed that doesn’t take sides on the issue of suicide.
Average plot score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
Episode length:
I thought the length of your first episode was reasonably good. The scenes however, were quite unorganised and messy. Some were alot longer than others, some had more advanced directing than others and some just felt very short and pointless. Try eliminating certain dialogue that isn’t critical to the flow of the story, this will help the scenes run smoother. I would’ve liked to see some insight into the characters’ pasts in between certain scenes explaining why they are so commited to ending their lives. Doing this would also help readers understand the characters and most importanty their actions.
Average episode length score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
Grammar and sentence structure:
Overall your grammar as a whole is pretty good. I barely noticed any mistakes regarding spelling however i did notice quite a few errors in your sentence strucure for example you often missed out vital commas and punctuation marks throughout the episode. You also used quite vague language quite alot therefore you raised many unimportant questions to readers; for example you made the readers focus on the unnecessary dialogue rather than the main aspects of the storyline. You should also attempt to use more authentic and realistic dialogue so the characters have some sense of realism.
Average grammatical score: 2.6 (Equilvalent to a C-B)
Characters:
I thought you portrayed your characters’ personalities very well in terms of their thoughts and actions. I did think that the focus was directed more towards the main character’s best friend rather than the main character herself which of course is quite unconventional as well as being different and unique. Both protagonists have very blunt views of life which i like because they are not afraid to say what others are thinking about their current situations. I felt like both characters were original and unpredictable which is vital for a good compelling read. Overall i liked your characters and i think once you elaborate on their past experiences they can become very likeable.
Average character score: 3.0 (Equilvalent to a B)
Directing:
I barely noticed any errors regarding spot directing and zooming. They was some errors with overlay placement and the speechbubbles were very big against the characters (size the new ones down to a suitable size) You timed the animations nicely, however there was some instances where the animations could’ve been replaced with different ones in order to convey the characters’ dialogue smoothly. You included many choices allowing the readers to choose the characters’ emotions and speech. Some choices influenced their actions for the following scenes however i saw no choices that actually affected the story in either a negative nor positive light.
Average directing score: 2.8 (Equilvalent to a high C)
P.S. Thankyou for your patience.
I hope this review helped you, i look forward to seeing how your story will progress. - Roni x
1 Like
I was wondering if you’d reopen after your reviews are done?? 
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Yes of course i will!
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GREAT!! Would I be able to post my story info so that I’m first in line? 