Hey. Just a question – how will you tell me your review?
I will reply to your original request and with the review broken up into multiple parts. If you want, I can PM it to you instead!
PM it to me …
Thank you would like to request a review
Sensitive topics: Bullying, Losing a parent, eating disorders.
Password : SM’s Reviews!
I’ll add you to my waitlist!
Hello Scarlett! Thanks for this thread. If you want to deny a review for my story, I understand.
Password: SM’s Reviews!
- What’s the title of your story?
The Long Faces
- Author name?
- What’s the genre?
- Small cover?
Can you and your friends fight against the evil of The Long Faces, or will the outcome of your choices cost those you love? (Choose your gender, 4 LIs)
- Any sensitive subjects or disclaimers?
Content warning: Reference to the endangerment of young children.
- How many chapters would you like me to read?
There are five chapters out. But if you want to read less, I understand.
- Is your story published or unpublished?
- What the link?
- Would you like you review PMed to you?
Hi @ciaraxoxoc! I’ve finished reading and reviewing your story. I have broken it up into multiple sections and scored your story for each category, giving an in depth description for each part.
Characters Section score: 22/25
I love how you introduce your characters! Their personalities complement each other and it’s clear that each character was planned out. They’re individuals who are well-developed and don’t all have the same personality. It doesn’t start, “And she is nice, and she is looking for her parents’ murderer,” which is a good thing. You’ve shown their personalities without directly telling the reader about them or what they like to do. One thing I would say is that sometimes, characters abruptly change from one emotion to another in a matter of seconds. This isn’t particularly a bad thing, it’s just something to not include every episode. There’s also parts of the MC’s personality that are a bit confusing. For example, we see that she is very suspicious about little things like a scream. Later on, we see how she met her SO, where we immediately see her confidence and flirtatious side. It may just be me, but I was a bit confused as to where this part of her personality came from.
Note: This section “Character Development” was partially void because of the shorter timeline of the first 5 chapters.
We can see the characters and their feelings are evolving and changing as the plot goes on. Through their interactions, more and more is discovered about them. They clearly have well-developed personalities and they are constantly changing and advancing because of things they have experienced and/or learned.
From the start, we see the MC is looking for her parents’ murderer. It’s clear and obvious what the MC’s main focus is and what goal she is striving for. It’s clear there was planning done in the MC’s past. We learn more about her family and home life. However, it’s not clear or obvious the age of her, her brother, or her SO. Then we move to her and her best friend, where we don’t see much background. Why they were friends, what kind of friendship they had, why they are still friends. I didn’t really pick up on all of that, so it made it harder to relate to them and their friendship.
These characters are wonderful, yet I found that their interactions are quite lacking in some spots. As previously mentioned, we don’t see the clear type of relationship between the MC and her friend, or the MC and her SO. It’s not decided whether they’ve had that “long-term relationship” type of relationship, or a hot and fiery one. We don’t really see much romance with them. Of course, they don’t have to have a super romantic relationship, but due to the first impressions, when they met each other, as a reader, we get a different vibe of their relationship.
Right off the bat, we see a black, plus-sized female MC and it’s very obvious throughout the story that we have all different characters from all different backgrounds. There are many diverse characters, both in the background and in the forefront. There is obvious knowledge and research behind each character’s background with no flaws.
Plot Section score: 23/25
The plot is unique and definitely puts a spin on the traditional murder story. The characters fit the plot and the events advance the characters. Overall, you can see a lot of time and work was put into the plot and although it hasn’t reached the climax, it’s getting close.
You see the plot carefully advances, starting with the death of the MC’s best friend, then to her attempting to solve her and her parents’ deaths. Clearly, the plot was well-planned and has a lot of room for development. Although, I found that focusing on the same idea for a while is getting a bit dry. It’s all clues, all job, all the time. It’s as if the character didn’t have any life other than her job and her family.
(There was no sub-plot, so this portion was not graded.)
This is a fairly unique story with a lot of great points and has a lot of room for expansion. It’s a great story and has a lot of potential for future chapters.
Coding Section score: 23/25
I loved the advanced coding and the use of overlays. It was very helpful and really enhanced the story. Although, sometimes, when an overlay or something like that was used, at the beginning of the scene, you can see a quick flash of the overlay, but then everything continues on. I’m not sure if it’s a glitch or something, but it is a definitely distracting.
The animations were on point and somewhat matched what the character was doing and/or feeling. But the sizes of the characters were a bit off. Sometimes, the MC was taller than her SO. Other times the SO was taller than the MC. The heights kept changing and it was a bit confusing. Not too distracting, but a bit confusing.
Overall, the advanced coding and mini-games make it a really great story and really enhance it, but with the uncertain heights and the overlays, it does take away from some of the story. I would fix the overlay problem asap, but I think as long as the heights are constant from now on, it should be fine.
Grammar Section score: 19/20
I found that there weren’t many grammar mistakes. The only ones I found were little things like missing commas or spelling mistakes. For example, “Okay Leader Jean,” should be “Okay, Leader Jean.” There weren’t that many instances, but at least once or twice per chapter.
Nothing is too outstanding, so I think you’d be fine just re-reading for any mistakes and watch the commas.
Overall, no grammar or spelling mistake drastically distracted from the scene or the story. There’s no need to change anything from past chapters as I don’t think anyone not reviewing would recognize these mistakes, but I’d watch out for the little mistakes in future chapters.
Extras Section score: 5/5
This story undoubtedly fits it genre. Although there are many components to the plot, the main portion is mystery.
The initial summary is great and accurately describes the story. It gives enough information to make the reader want to keep reading, but doesn’t give away too much and leaves the reader wanting more.
The backgrounds and overlays used we great and definitely added to the plot. Nothing seemed out of place, and all backgrounds fit the setting.
There were many mini-games which really enhanced the story and added to the interactivity. I can see that the information gain through the mini-games helps the reader better understand the case and get clues, making each game unique and superbly enhances the storyline.
The chapters were the perfect length. I found that the length wasn’t too long that one would get bored, but it wasn’t too short that it seems like a waste of passes; the absolute perfect length.
Final Score: 92/100
Overall, I found that this was a very unique story that was executed nicely. Although there were some little things, this is a well-written, well-coded story and it’s very clear that this story was planned and has a lot of potential. I would love to see what other stories you write and am absolutely thrilled to see the final product!
Note: I read the Male LI version.
Thank you so much for requesting! I can’t wait to see what other wonderful stories you write!
thank you so very much for this well detailed review. I’ll keep in mind everything you said so I can do much better
Will you review my story.
password SM’s Reviews
What’s the title of your story?
What’s the genre?
What do you do when the guy who broke your heart four years ago crashes back into your life and doesn’t even recognize you?
Any sensitive subjects or disclaimers?
How many chapters would you like me to read?
As much as you can.
Is your story published or unpublished?
What the link?
Would you like you review PMed to you?