Should I keep it Hidden FOREVER

Ever since, I was small, my parents were religious strict parents showing me to follow their path of their teaching, and they had control over me with what people to hangout with, who to be friends with, how to act in a manner full way towards the public and business meetings, what to study, and what path to take in my life and who to marry from the marriage arrangements they been setting up for me. Every time, I rejected them about getting married, they them or family relatives talk to me when will I get married, when are you going to be as fruitful at your older brothers and sisters. Anyways, as you may have known like most strict parents, they don’t like gay ppl, they talk bad about them, saying they are cursed brainwashed by the devil to think like that. They will tell me to never talk to them nor get near the because they will spread there curse into you. Moving along, 3 months ago our neighbor son, told his father that he was gay, and sadly his father did not take so well. I heard yelling and shouting from our neighbors household. I came out with siblings and parents. The neighbor son was being beaten by his father outside in the front yard. I watched as his son was being kicked and spray with cold water by the water hose and the boy was yelling “Dad please stop!!!” The father wouldn’t listen to him he kept beating up his son. As for me I couldn’t do nothing, because I was afraid and scared to be treated the same by my parents if they ever found out the truth. In due time the father of the boy said “Never come back home, you are no son of mine, GET OUT AND DIE IN THE STREETS, YOU DISGRACED ANIMAL!” My parents said, you see my son never be like those kinds of people, because you’ll never find happiness. All I said is “Yes father…” and I went to my room. I was crying so much, I hated myself for not doing anything to save someone from being humiliated in public and treated so badly. I hated myself for not standing up for my neighbor son, because I was afraid to get hurt just like him. I was scared of being kicked out of the house, and have no place to call home. I wouldn’t do anything for that young man, as he was crying begging his father to stop beating him up. What a pathetic human being i must be huh…I did nothing to help but watch from the sidelines. I know for a fact if I tell my parents the truth everyone will leave me behind and I’ll be treated the same just like that neighbor did to his son. But, even if I did come out, my parents are well known, people would judge them for having a cursed son like me. Even though my parents will hate me, I don’t want them to be blamed for my actions for being gay, because they had nothing to do with it. It was all in my own account. Not them. I know how silly right, they might hate me for what I am, but I won’t want them to get hurt and be look down upon because they had a gay cursed son like me. I don’t know what to do, if i tell them that will happen and I’ll live forever alone with nobody by my side to love, which will mean I’ll have to perish from this world.But if chose to keep it hidden, they I guess I’ll live in a pretend world with a mask covering my face never to show my true self and perish a painful longer death until my last drop of life ends me. Either way, I’m a lost cause, it makes me wonder if I’ll ever be free from the chain that have been wrapped around me, trapped inside a cage forever unable to spread my wings onto the skies.

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wow, that is so wrong and abusive, even the freaking pope support gay people. my local curch fly the pride flag evry year for pride.

this isnt gods teaching, what happened to, love your nighbor, and dont judge because only god can judge. honestly the way they threath gay people, they are going to hell too. we are all going to hell.

honestly I think your best option is to save up move out, and then not talk to them again.

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You’re not pathetic, you’re just in a very difficult and sad situation.
I’m saddened that you witnessed such a degrading display of homophobia, that boy didn’t deserve it at all.
I agree with @line123462 you’ll have some independence to make your own choices once you move out and start your own life. You don’t need to tell your family about your sexuality now if you’re afraid, you can always wait for a better time - a time where you know you’ll have a place and/or other people to fall back on.
Bad things don’t and can’t last forever, keep moving forward and I wish you much luck, happiness and acceptance.

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I can’t imagine things like this are happening now also!! Like what is the problem with everyone!! It is their choice!! Their life!! They should decide who they should love!!

And Hey!! Don’t feel bad :relaxed:

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Yeah, that’s basically what I had in mind, but deep inside me I love my parents, despite for them not going to support me of my sexually. They been there for me, when I got sick, took me out in different places to enjoy with my siblings. Yet I feel guilty, being like this. If I tell them they’ll cut ties with me, but I’ll be crushed on how they’ll get treated because of me. Even though, they won’t like me for coming out, I don’t want them to get blamed for having a son like me, because I did on my own account, they had nothing to do with it. I’m just not the violent type of person. I’m so confused. I’m questioning myself, if it was a mistake to be like this…

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Yeah, I can agree with you, that boy did not deserve to be treated like that. I hate myself so much for just standing there, doing nothing, as they boy was asking his father to forgive him and stop hitting him. Instead of running towards the boy to help him out, i whim out and stood there watching the boy get beaten up, what kind of human am I to just watch and not do nothing. I could have ran towards the boy, to protect him from his father, but I was to afraid of my own parents finding out about me, So, I stood there watching crying from the inside, feeling guilty of seeing and not doing anything to help. Anyways, despite me telling or not telling my family about my sexually will eventually come out at one point, since they have many relatives and friends. But your right, I should have a place of my own, however alone myself I know I’ll be destroyed if them cut ties with me. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover if I tell them.

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Despite this being a new era, things like these still happen, some people are not willing to change depending from where they came from and what teaching they learned from others. But as for me, I don’t have that option, if I tell them the truth about my sexually,. They’ll be ashamed for having me as their son, and will want to pray the gayness out of me. Also, my parents will be look down upon for having a son like me, being gay. Other people will hate them for having me, and make fun my of parents for raising a stupid son like me. I don’t think I could let them take that kind of pressure from others. I’m weird right, Despite my parents hating me, I won’t want them to get made fun of or be blame for my own actions of being gay. If they want to blame me or laugh at someone, I’m willing to take all blame and sins they call on my own. Nobody should be laugh or blamed for me being gay. If they want to blame someone, I’ll take all the hatred they have against my parents and suffer alone for being like this if I have too. Because I love them to much.

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