Spelling - 11/10. For the first chapter, there were absolutely no errors as far as I could tell, and wording made sense / sentence structure!!
Directing - UNDECIDED - 9/10? Since this was a Spotlight story, I paid more attention to character’s reactions instead of actual directing (e.g. spot directing and all that, lol) Character’s reactions made sense as to whatever they were reacting to. Not too many problems here.
Storyline and plotline - 7/10 - I liked it! It honestly seems like a story whose plotline can really be expanded into a really great storyline. However, a few minor parts were confusing, and sometimes, time seemed like it was a little bit nonexistent (e.g. things happened to quickly). Also, it’s a little weird / unrealistic how the MC talks to herself sometimes. (When she went to her room after school, she was just like… “Now, let’s call my friend!”, although this is just a little something that doesn’t really make a difference to the plotline itself. Whether you keep this sort of asset is entirely up to you, since I’m not sure if you intended on having the story like this. Also, this is just something that made me a little bit bored, but the intro was a little… confusing? It was complex coding, obviously, so I liked that. But, I was a little confused about what was going on in the intro part. Also, the intro was a little too long, and I really wanted to get into the story itself to see what the story was like. I haven’t read the second chapter yet, (ALTHOUGH I plan on doing so once I have the time) so I’m NOT SURE if you intend on shortening the intro (so please disregard this intro review part if you plan on doing so), but if you do intend on keeping the intro as is, that’s entirely up to you, once again. But just keep in mind, after reading several episodes of a story, most readers tend to want to get straight to the storyline, and not sit through a 30 second - 2 minute intro…
Music - 9/10? I previously read your story because I saw you promoted it on a thread, but I couldn’t remember if there was music or not . If you want me to revise / edit this review in terms of music, I’ll gladly review another chapter FOR FREE for you. Intro music suited the theme as far as I can remember. Very mysterious choices of sound effects.
First impressions - 8.5/10 - For one thing, the title of the story is really memorable for me. Idk, but I just remembered “My Kalona” right after reading it. It’s just a title that’s really smooth, hence, why it’s easy to recall for me. The cover, needless to say, is extremely appealing. It sets the tone for the story. That description is literally perfection in all its glory. No wonder you have a successful first impressions review thread!! It had a sense of wonder and mystery, making me want to wonder what’s going on with the “curse,” and obviously, I love stories where choices matter, so I really liked that aspect, where you went to the lengths of coding the story so that the story length depended on the choices made.
Would I continue? - I rarely ever read spotlight stories (this is NOT because I don’t like them, but because I can literally RARELY find a spotlight story on Episode anymore…). But, yes! I would want to continue reading, and see what Naomi’s up to. HOWEVER, I did note some parts were a little bit unrealistic (e.g. the conversation between Naomi and her friend was a little bit strange / funny in my opinion, since it was a little vague… Also, I understand if you wanted to add to the tension, but Naomi was talking about / worried about something during her day at school, which the reader (as myself), doesn’t know what it is. However, I most likely think you will reveal whatever she’s worried about in the second chapter, so again, disregard this if you plan on doing so, (and once I read that second chapter darnnn I gotta know what happens next… ) Also, here’s a little funny thing - The first ever spotlight story I read was Episode’s featured My First Everything. And… no offense to those who liked it, but it really was one of the worst stories I’ve read in terms of realisticness / what was going on. Since it’s rare for me to find a good Spotlight story, needless to say, yours set the bar really high on my expectations list for this story / plotline style!!!