How long are u planning to be open for (:
Well I can take 5 requests at a time! If you want I can add you to the waiting list, but itâll take some time to get to your story as Iâll have to review the stories of the people before you first! (Normally I can finish two requests in a day so it wonât take that long!)
Thatâs fine, I was wondering since Iâm writing 3 stories personally and then 2 with a partner so I was wondering if u would still be open by the time I get a little bit further through them (:
Oh yea! I will be open for a while! You should be good!
Thank u, Iâm focusing on my favourite one first for a little while, then working down the others after I get part way through my favourite (:
Np!
Would u prefer I send the details separately as I do them or wait until I have a few stories at once? (:
Sending them separately, so I can work on everyone elseâs review too! But if you want me to review them together I can do that!
Okie, Iâll see how much I can get done (:
Thank u for doing these (:
Youâre welcome!
Thanks so much for the review!
More replies lol
The LI didnt really beat up the bad guys. He/she intended to shove them just like the way people do in an argument. Its just that he/she is not aware that such force can send people ââflyingââ hahah
And the glitches! Yes Iâm aware of it even before I publish the first 3 episodes Thereâs nothing much I can do (if i were to wait and fix it till it have no glitches, which is kinda impossible, I wonât be able to publish it until now haha) I beta read the story multiple times to ensure that the glitches are minimal. They are unavoidable when the story has more than 2 paths and with advance directing. Different readers encounter different glitches Which is why i have to reconsider before having more mini games in the coming episodes. If readers encounter problem, I have to update it. And then when they skip chapter, itâll mess up the point system and flags.
Anyway, thank you for the constructive criticism. Iâll find ways to improve and make the story better
Of course! Glitches are bound to happen and honestly, props to you for including, cc, minigames, AND advance directing in the story! It is extremely difficult to do so and I appreciate the work you put into each chapter! (And about the bad guys thing, thx for clarifying )
Thanks and np
Hello! Thank you so much for requesting! Hereâs your review:
Short Summary
I think this story has a whole lot of potential! Itâs got great plots and I love your writing style! The way you described situations and feelings are amazing! However, there were a couple spot directing mistakes that I encountered (Explained more in the in depth review) There were a few small clichĂ©s I pointed out in the in depth review, but the main idea of your story, about a planned plane crash and the survival aspect of your story is amazing!
In Depth Review
I absolutely love the storyline! Itâs got a mysterious vibe to it, and itâs really intriguing to read! Like I also said, your writing style is amazing! It conveys the right emotions and overall I really liked it!
However, there were a few aspects in your story that were lacking. Like the basic spot directing. Iâm not saying your story is terrible or that your directing is trash! In fact, for your first story youâre actually doing a really good job! There were a few small directing mistakes that I caught in the first few chapters itself. Iâve noticed a couple times in your story where youâve changed the scale of the characters, the characters donât appear that way. What I mean is, sometimes characters will appear on screen in their default scaling size, and slowly walk to the spot you chose for them with the scaling you chose for them, this appears as if the characters are âshrinkingâ or âgrowingâ. A good example is in the flashback in chapter 1, in the bakery scene, The middle school boy appears as a full size adult, but as he walks closer to the counter, he starts shrinking into well uhh I guess the appropriate scaling for a middle school boy. Sometimes, your zooms get a little messed up, but all of these errors can easily be identified by proofreading your own story! If you keep saving and previewing your story youâll easily spot mistakes! Spot Directing mistakes are common, especially if itâs your first story! You canât expect your script to be perfect every time!
Now about clichĂ©s, of course I donât expect a story to not have a SINGLE clichĂ© in their story! In fact, my first story was just the most overused garbage youâve ever seen! So while your story doesnât have major clichĂ©s, it has a few small ones like an âevilâ or âhatedâ step dad. It doesnât cause a major effect on the story, but I just wanted to point that out!
Another thing is that, it appears slightly unrealistic if your MC just starts opening up to a random guy she just met at a party! (Iâm talking about the part where she meets her photographer on the roof) A little story tip/advice that applies here and for other scenes you might make in the future: Try to flow into dialogues and scenes naturally! Imagine the traits, and characteristics of the MC and put yourself in their shoes! Now considering that our MC in this story has social anxiety, she wouldnât start opening up to a stranger she just met. So now, we can think of an alternative method that will reveal the same information about the MC to the Photographer in a different way! Maybe the photographer drops his business card, the MC picks it up, realizes who he really is and a conversation can flow from there. Maybe instead of the MC speaking to the Photographer, Our best friend meets him on his way out, recognizes him and starts opening up about the MC, as we know that our Best friend is more socially confident! You can use this âmethodâ? For future scenes so you really start thinking like your MC!
One thing I did like about your story is that we instantly know who weâre playing as. Weâre directly shown that the MC wants to live her own life as a model rather than the one her mom wants her to live. Weâre introduced to her character traits and aspirations, indirectly, which something I appreciate!
Apart from all that, I really think your story has potential! The idea, the plot points, I think it would make a great story! Not everyoneâs first story will be a masterpiece! While your story might have small script errors, itâs nothing that canât be fixed! Iâm not going to lie, When I first read your description, I really thought it was just some knock off version of the featured and community story âTrappedâ, but your story definitely has its strong and weak points! If you work on it a little more, Iâm sure itâll gain the traction it deserves!
Final Rating
I think a rating of 5/10 is fair! Your story could be so much more if you take a minute to read and understand your own strong and weak point. Improve on them, and make a story that you like to write and one the readers will love to read! I hope you use this review as advice rather than hate!
Yes! Thank you so much for this review! <3 I completely understand where youâre coming from.
Moved to Share Feedback since this is for story reviews. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if youâve got questions.
no problem!
Thank you for requesting! Hereâs your review:
Short Summary
I love how the story line is going so far! Itâs compelling and has good cliff hangers. I like that there are impactful choices and the way you have included Diversity in your story! I have no major rants about your story, I like how itâs going so far! I Mentioned more things in the In Depth Review!
In Depth Review
Like I said, your story line is actually pretty good and I appreciate the inclusion of diversity in your story. And your story has a lot of good factors that I liked! But I did want to point out a few things I noticed.
First, Your chapters were a little shorter than what I would have preferred. Of course, it depends if the reader likes shorter or longer chapters, but according to me they felt shorter than the average time, most stories use which is 10 to 15 minutes.
For a detective/cop based story, I think there were plenty opportunities where you could have included overlays to really make your story pop! I saw how you used the tear overlay (in chapter 2 I think?) When Jasmine got a nightmare about her parents. And thatâs a good start! What youâre doing so far is great! But thereâs always room for improvement!
One thing I found a bit âoddâ about your story is the fact that you have included CC and the introduction to your characters in chapter 2. In my opinion, including CC and introduction in chapter one itself would have made the chapter a little longer, and then you could have used chapter 2 to focus more on the storyline itself! I think it would have been better as readers can play chapter 1 for free, so knowing who their playing as, is important before you make them spend a pass on the next chapter! I would love to know your thought process behind putting all the stuff youâd normally find in chapter 1 to chapter 2.
Another question I had about your story was about the speech bubbles.(I will like to point out that this might be something that bothers just me, and not everyone else!) Sometimes speech bubbles appear way bigger than they should be and it just looks a bit out of proportion. Sometimes, it does cover the characterâs face. But I understand if youâre doing that just to make the text bigger so that anyone can read it easily. Itâs just a really small thing I noticed that I wanted to point out. (Again, I might be the only one who even feels the slightest bit bothered this )
One thing liked about your story was the humor! There were a couple funny moments and lines I also like the references you put in, That was really a nice touch!
Final Rating
6.5/10 (If you wanna round it, then it goes up to 7/10, which is not bad at all!) I think this story was great overall! Just a few little tweaks and I think it has got enough potential to be something big! At least judging by the first three chapters, I would have loved to see some character development in the story! But overall, I think your story just needs a few more things to spice it up, otherwise itâs a really good story!
Thank you for your review
I really appreciate it
Btw, your review skills are great.
Keep giving honest constructive criticism this way!
Iâd love to clarify a couple of things youâve asked/said.
Speech bubble + overlays
You were right about the speech bubbles.
I have changed that a month or two ago + a few grammar/spelling errors but that will show after I update the newest chapters.
So I understand that you probably would have seen that.
Haha, some are bothered by it some not.
Tbh, I almost forgot about that matter (since my phone shows the recent updated version), lol.
I also have added the rice overlay for Emily at the restaurant when I found a suitable overlay.
Iâm using more overlays in the future episodes, donât worry.
Story style part 1 --} time & coding
Iâd like to keep my episode story âsimpleâ. (the first episodes to be precise)
The future episodes are a bit more complex thatâs why youâll see a huge contrast (if youâd continue reading) in the future episodes when it comes to coding plus the storyline + the time of the story.
About the timing, Iâll admit that the first episodes are a bit short but the future episodes get much longer in the future. (depends on your choices though!)
Also, my thought in that is to keep readers wondering. To keep the first episodes short and sweet if theyâll like the story plot or not.
An average of 2500 lines in the first episodes, for me thatâs around 10 minutes of reading.
(Or Iâm just slow )
Story style part 2 --} CC & Introductions
I see the first and second episodes more as an introduction since I have lots of characters and locations so I want it to be crystal clear.
The thought behind it.
Tell me, did you get curious about the guys, about their names, who they are, when/how will they meet the girls while you were reading episode 1 & 2?
If the answer is YES, then Iâm happy because I want the reader to wonder whatâs going to happen.
(The sneak peek is also a thing I add on purpose).
I love to tease a lot and drop sneaky hints that get later on explained.
Just like the Beta boss, her character is still not shown for a deeper reason, and to keep people wondering!
Handing all the info about the characters at once would be boring in my opinion.
Plus, itâs a detective story! You get pieces of info one by one before you solve a puzzle/case!
And thatâs the case in this story, you get lost little pieces of a puzzle but it will all connect and form a picture in the end.
The thought behind the CC in episode 2.
Little bg info:
I myself donât like to CC/ I skip the CC because I want to keep the characters how the author has imagined them to be. (97/100 I donât change) and if I change I donât make huge alterations to the characters.
But since INK is limited, I donât mind giving CC.
My thoughts/reasoning behind it.
At the beginning of the story, you donât know the characters, how they act, who is who, etc. If you start with CC, the person youâre going to play is already obvious! And I donât like that, I want to âsurpriseâ/ keep the readers a little in the dark. Just starting with the storyline and let them wonder.
(Example: You can CC the LI at the beginning of the story without even meeting the LI yet in the first couple of episodes.).
The âthrillâ of wondering goes away when that happens. Youâll recognize the LI immediately since youâve already done the CC.
Thatâs something I donât prefer. Iâd rather CC the LI at the same episode or next episode meeting.
I want them to experience Jasmine in the first episode as her ânormalâ character how I imagined her to be, then in episode 2, they may change her looks because theyâve got to know who she is and that theyâre playing as her.
It could be done at the end of episode 1, but that would ruin the âsensationâ of the end of the episode if you know what I mean. Thatâs why I begin with it in episode 2.
I hope my reasoning makes kind of sense, hehe.
Last commentary about the Depth Review.
Haha, Iâm glad you like the humor!
My story is a police story but I canât write without a little comedy! Some told me itâs sometimes like a romcom, and I kind of agree.
Youâre right there is always something to improve, and I love reviews like this to get some insight. I appreciate every piece of advice, and I try my best to use it if possible.
Thank you so much for the clarification!
I understand the whole âCCâ an âIntroductionâ thing now! Also glad to see that you had updated your story with an improved version already!