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Please review my story

Title : The Star Necklace

Author: Mayah

Genere: Drama

1 Like

Adventurous: Project Humanity by @RainbowCat

Review

3 Episodes Read


Cover: Simple. Clear. Not technically impressive, but I, personally, would click on it.
Big Cover: Vague. Weird. I like it.
Description: Lures me in completely. :drooling_face:
Title: Uniquely named- even if you remove the pre-title “Adventurous” from the Adventurous Contest, which is good.


Backgrounds/Overlays: Good choices. Fit the story.
Animations/Directing: Simple, smooth, beautiful.
Sound: None so far. Not even ambience. Some people like that; but, personally, I need some white noise.
Spelling and Punctuation: Spelling is good, but missing a some punctuation here and there. Mostly commas.
Dialogue Boxes: Always in the right spots. Some people just can’t get it right :joy:

Progression of Time: Makes sense. No
2 weeks before --> *1 day after --> 6 years later here :joy:


Pros:
• The plot is pretty interesting. I love Leyla. She’s weird as hell :joy:
• Literally everything that comes from Norah’s (what I named the MC) mouth
• All of the scripting/coding is impeccable. I have no idea how you do it. :laughing:
• I already said this, but the spot directing is really good.

Cons:
• Not really a con per say, just a thing I have to say: Episode 1 ended kind of strangely. Like, if I didn’t have unlimited passes, I probably wouldn’t have gone to the next Episode because I couldn’t tell if something interesting would happen in it. It just kind of ended on an off-note is all I’m saying.
• The way some of the characters talk about how they’re able to be so happy and perfect all the time seems weird considering that they can’t even really understand what not being like that is like. I think Norah/Norah’s dad is the only one who should be even making comments about their situation since she’s the “special” one. Unless, of course, they’re just trained to talk about how perfect their lives are all the time.


:white_check_mark: CC
:white_check_mark: Simple Directing
:x: Advanced Directing
Diversity Scale:
[🏻 <------ :joy: Not a problem, but as soon as you get into the story everything is white. Nothing wrong with that on the surface level, but on a subconscious one it’s like: white means honest and good by default. It’s a whole science/heaven/mind essay thing I read one time ignore me :joy: I’m pretty sure that’s not what you were going for
[🏼
[🏽
[🏾
[🏿
:white_check_mark: Outfits Are Cute
:white_check_mark: Custom Backgrounds/ Overlays
:x: Uses Sound

:white_check_mark:Limelight
:x:Ink
:x:Classic


TL;DR: Project Humanity has interested me greatly; and after reading what’s there so far, I am eagerly awaiting new content. :smiley:

2 Likes

Thx for this thread :purple_heart: could you please Review my story :two_hearts:
Here is my story :

Title : Breaking my psycho’s walls
Style : INK
Genre : Adventure (Bit of comedy :crazy_face:)
Author : Neserin.creating
Chapters : 6 ( more coming soon!)

Description : Ayden Walters known as a psycho, is out of jail!! And goes undercover to catch a killer in a High School , what will Happen? Will he find the killer bevore he keep killing people? find out :wink:Adventure, Comedy, murders, and more…

Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4953736586592256
Thank you very much !

1 Like

Thanks for the review!

I’ll check that again, thanks for mentioning :slight_smile:

Wow, really? That’s not what I expected but it’s great to hear something new!

Well, they get taught about it at school, that’s why I showed the History class. They know that there are things that they can’t feel, but they think it’s better this way.

That’s why I added CC, so people can decide theirselves how the MC should look and to give the chance of making the story more diverse. And there’ll be friends/love interest who represent different cultures or religions.

I’m already writing episode 4!

Thanks again for taking the time to review my story! Would it be okay if I ask you some extra questions via pm? :slight_smile:

1 Like

Bad Behavior by @LiyahxWrites

Review

3 Episodes Read

Cover: Pretty text. Pretty background. Art style throws me off a little, but it’s unique :joy:
Big Cover: V cute :blush:
Description: Enticing. Just a miscapitalisation case. Or maybe it was supposed to be like that 🤷 :joy:
Title: Easily searchable but non-distinguishable from other stories with the same name.


Backgrounds/Overlays: I really like the customs you made/uploaded. V beautiful.
Animations/Directing: Very, very smooth. Incredible work. I only saw a couple of mistakes.

  • Lucas floating on top of his bed :joy:
  • Ryan and Rachel with a black/missing background(s) in episode 2

Sound: Fits theme.
Spelling and Punctuation: Satisfactory. Both of us love run- ons :joy: A couple of spelling mistake and tense mess ups- but other than that, nothing.
Dialogue Boxes: The pink theme was a good choice. Dialogue boxes were where they were supposed to be.

Progression of Time/Scene Changes Between Main Characters: Kind of weird because your directing is so good and smooth, but I understand it. :no_mouth:


Pros:
• Each one of the main character’s storylines is interesting and I’m curious as to where they’re going :cowboy_hat_face:
Very good scripting
• You worked really hard on set dressing, and it really shows
• Use of readerMessage for character relationships
• The choice to punch, kick, and slap Tina :smiling_imp:

Cons:
• A’s mom is just RUDE :pensive:
• I know we have to thank our beautiful background and overlay makers for their amazing stuff, but you have a LOT of people to thank and it kinda clutters up the screen :dizzy_face:
• Tina is a crazy bitch :joy::joy::joy:


:white_check_mark: CC
:x: Simple Directing
:white_check_mark: Advanced Directing
Diversity Scale:
[🏻
[🏼 :face_with_monocle: Nothing particularly diverse. No cultures/ideas explored. Irrelevant to the story.
[🏽
[🏾
[🏿
:white_check_mark: Outfits Are Cute
:white_check_mark: Custom Backgrounds/ Overlays
:white_check_mark: Uses Sound

:white_check_mark:Limelight
:x:Ink
:x:Classic


TL;DR: Yeah, this is going in my favourites :joy:

1 Like

These might of been glitches on your end.
If not i’ll go have a look.

Thank you for the review :black_heart:

1 Like

Sure!

1 Like

Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane by @Marshmallow_O

Review

4 Episodes Read

Cover: 10/10 :smirk_cat: I actually really like it
Big Cover: Same as small cover and still beautiful.
Description: Cliche. I wouldn’t have clicked further on the story if you didn’t have “choices matter” added in. :sweat_smile::joy: It reminds me of the Pretty Little Liars story and I barley got through that. :joy:
Title: Unique. Couldn’t mistake it for anything else.


Backgrounds/Overlays: I love your overlays/custom backgrounds so far. They add a lot to the story.
Animations/Directing: Smooth & Clear. Technically impressive. Next level.
Sound: Works.
Spelling and Punctuation: Perfect?! How is that even possible?!!!
Dialogue Boxes: Well placed.

Progression of Time: Perfect. I know when things are happening and when they are happening.


Pros:
• Holy. Fckng. Sh*t. There are so many background characters. And they’re so well placed. Kudos! :star_struck:
• Birth giver & sperm provider :joy:
• Seems like choices really DO matter.
• Menu at the beginning of a new episode reminds me of a rpg menu
• You put a lot of work in, and it really shows
Cons:
• A lot of the characters look the same. A lot of the girls have the same eyes/noses. Same with the guys. Without customising them, of course.


:white_check_mark: CC
:x: Simple Directing
:white_check_mark: Advanced Directing
Diversity Scale:
[🏻 :no_mouth:
[🏼
[🏽
[🏾
[🏿
:white_check_mark: Outfits Are Cute
:white_check_mark: Custom Backgrounds/ Overlays
:white_check_mark: Uses Sound

:white_check_mark:Limelight
:x:Ink
:x:Classic


TL;DR: Alluring diegesis and beautiful execution. I want to see this one through 'till the end.

2 Likes

bahahaha i’m awful at descriptions :joy:

really??? i thought it was bad :joy: thanks! :heart:

awh! thank you so much for taking the time to do this review! it really does mean a lot! and i’m so glad that you enjoyed my story! :grin::heart:

1 Like

My story: © Tribe of Malapinchi
Author: Jannah Jackson
Genre: Thriller/Mystery/Horror/Fantasy/Adventure
Description: Toss into a land of the sun, magic, lies and dark secrets in Asia. Can you survive, solve the havoc and save everyone before it’s too late? CharacterCustomization
Episodes: 5/6
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5909308359180288

Why would someone be interested in reading it in the first place?: I try my best to make it uncliche as possible with a special plot. No romance for MC. No LI. No mean girls. No jealously. No romance plot driven. No Pregnant by… No In Love with my… Added abit of Asian spice flavour with my characters, plot, location etc. Its with with mystery, suspense, plot twists and more.

1 Like

Hi,

my story is not yet published I just finished 2 chapter and would be happy for review. :smiley:
Title: The Dark Club
Author: Farah DeSantis
Genre: Romance

2 Likes

I hope you’ll review mines!

Story Name: Run At Midnight
Written By: lemon
Genre: Romance
Episodes: 2 (more chapters coming soon)
Short Description: You’re an athlete, the fastest runner in your class. But how are you going to run away from the pain and heartbreak when it always seems to chase you?
IG: @epi._.lemon
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4787100571467776

Note: There are no choices, and it’s only the first two chapters so there’s not much romance. :slightly_smiling_face:

Cover

Midnight_Sky_z3_posterThumb_8GpLiOZKOo

*Why you think someone would be interested in reading it in the first place? There are not much MC’s that are Asian, and the plot is kinda different from other stories. :thinking: Also, not a lot of girl MC’s are athletes.

My favourite food is cheese pizza :pizza:

1 Like

Alright, here’s mine!
Edited to add: My fav food is… coffee? Can that count?

Title: My Kalona
Genre: Fantasy
Chapter Stats: 9 published
Expected Length: 15 chapters
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4559018983227392
Description: Naomi desperately tries to bond with her estranged father, but becomes the prisoner of a Native-American curse that threatens all. Will her choices lead to freedom or failure?
Notes: Chapter length will vary from chapter to chapter depending on your choices in the game (gain or loss of characters, hidden scenes, multiple paths etc…)
The_Gleaning_posterThumb_Ku6PMJujsM

1 Like

Compulsion by @Aims1141

Review

3 Episodes Read

Cover: N/A
Big Cover: N/A
Description: N/A
Title: Satisfactory.


Backgrounds/Overlays: No missing/black screens. You did one mirror scene where there was an actual reflection and I was like :scream: The custom ones you uploaded to put at the end of the episode(s) were weird and funny (to me) :joy:
Animations/Directing: Very. Good. Seriously, how do you people get so good at this?!
Sound: Good where it is, bad where it isn’t. Sometimes audio goes from music to no sound at all and it throws me off. But where it is, it works.
Spelling and Punctuation: I don’t see anything wrong.
Dialogue Boxes: In the right spots. Nice color choice.

Progression of Time: Works.


Pros:
• My reaction to Zyro 50% of the time he’s on screen: :crazy_face::crazy_face::crazy_face::joy::joy::rofl:
• Locked choices.
• Timed choices.
• Okay. Just the choices in general. They make the dialogue lean.
• Punching a pedo :heart_eyes::joy:
• Episode Hair Dye :japanese_ogre:
• INK characters (miraculously) don’t look like the same person
• Episodes have a good length and end on a note that makes you want to click to the next one
• Use of readerMessage

Cons:
• Some people really hate timed/locked choices, which may turn them off from the story :joy: I, however, find them compelling; and, they keep me focused on the story. Like I can’t just walk away to watch something on TV and come back 30 minutes later wondering what I was doing.
• Bro, Salma is gonna get punched too :joy:


:white_check_mark: CC
:x:Simple Directing
:white_check_mark: Advanced Directing
Diversity Scale:
[🏻
[🏼
[🏽 <----- It’s more about diversity within the characters. There aren’t any cultures or ideas explored, but the characters really seem different from the other characters in the story. I can easily tell them apart and it seems like they could be real people. I like that.
[🏾
[🏿
:white_check_mark: Outfits Are Cute
:white_check_mark: Custom Backgrounds/ Overlays
:white_check_mark: Uses Sound

:x:Limelight
:white_check_mark:Ink
:x:Classic


TL;DR: I don’t generally even consider clicking on gang/mafia related stories because… well… they’re all related. On Episode, quite a lot of them are the same. This particular story, though, excites me. I can’t say why for sure… but I like it. :joy: I don’t feel like I’m going to be bored while watching/reading it. And I love the humor.

1 Like

Blurred Lines by @elliewrites.episode

Review

3 Episodes Read

Cover: Beautiful.
Big Cover: Same as small cover. Still beautiful.
Description: Good. Cliche by Episode standards, but good.
Title: No. #ThanksRobinThicke :joy_cat:


Backgrounds/Overlays: Good. Custom ones are also beautiful.
Animations/Directing: Very good.
Sound: Noice.
Spelling and Punctuation: Perfect.
Dialogue Boxes: Good.

Progression of Time: Makes sense.


Pros:
• I’ve never seen someone actually make the hair Harper has on work. Congrats! :star_struck:
• Jake was nice.

Cons:
• I walked into work literally in my underwear and no one said anything about it. :joy:
• I :clap: Don’t :clap: Care :clap: About :clap: Quinn​:clap: AT :clap: ALL :clap:. I don’t know why, but I just don’t. Also, I hate when characters get broken up with by someone I (read: the reader) doesn’t even really know yet. The broken-up-with character always ends up looking whiny and nihilistic because we (the reader) haven’t spent enough time with the characters in said broken-up-relationship to even know how we should feel.
• Uhhh Quinn assumes just because Aiden sleeps around he’s just automatically a bad guy and that’s just :zipper_mouth_face::zipper_mouth_face: Actually Quinn makes a lot of assumptions. About a lot of things. How old is she supposed to be?! :joy:
• This whole thing reminds me of The Bad Boy Stole My Bra
• Honestly, the whole story to me is just very pretty and that’s it. There’s no substance. Nothing that makes me want to keep going.It’s very Episode-ish.


:white_check_mark: CC
:x: Simple Directing
:white_check_mark: Advanced Directing
Diversity Scale:
[🏻 All of the characters are basically the same characters with different faces. In real life, I would be terrified by these robotic “people”. Unless… they’re not people!!! Conspiracy theory?!
[🏼
[🏽
[🏾
[🏿
:white_check_mark: Outfits Are Cute
:white_check_mark: Custom Backgrounds/ Overlays
:white_check_mark: Uses Sound

:white_check_mark:Limelight
:x:Ink
:x:Classic


TL;DR: This is something Episode would buy.

Title: No . #ThanksRobinThicke

‘Blurred Lines’ symbolize a lack of clarity. No Robin Thick inpso here :joy:

I :clap: Don’t :clap: Care :clap: About :clap: Quinn​:clap: AT :clap: ALL :clap:. I don’t know why, but I just don’t. Also, I hate when characters get broken up with by someone I (read: the reader ) doesn’t even really know yet. The broken-up-with character always ends up looking whiny and nihilistic because we ( the reader ) haven’t spent enough time with the characters in said broken-up-relationship to even know how we should feel.

Most (actually, all) of the feedback I have gotten on Stephen is that they feel he made the right choice breaking things off and they do not hate him. And I think people are right to feel that way. Given what information is available about him, he actually does care about Quinn. The whole point of the story hinges on a breakup, so it wouldn’t make sense for me to drag it out.

Uhhh Quinn assumes just because Aiden sleeps around he’s just automatically a bad guy and that’s just :zipper_mouth_face::zipper_mouth_face: Actually Quinn makes a lot of assumptions. About a lot of things. How old is she supposed to be?! :joy:

She’s supposed to be 25. She’s not perfect and I think that’s a good thing because her character will grow and develop over the course of the story. Did you actually read past episode 1? Because she learns very early on that Aiden isn’t a bad person. Her primary assumptions towards him are not solely based on the fact that he sleeps with lots of women, but the magazine he writes for. It’s a ‘maxim’ type magazine she perceives as being sexist (which she states.)

This whole thing reminds me of The Bad Boy Stole My Bra

I have never read it.

All of the characters are basically the same characters with different faces. In real life, I would be terrified by these robotic “people”. Unless… they’re not people!!! Conspiracy theory?!

A lot of this is actually intentional. Especially with the models. They are all white and look the same, as I feel many of them do in the beauty industry.

Thanks for your opinion! I’ve gotten incredible feedback on this story so this doesn’t deter me from continuing :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: Everyone has their own taste!

1 Like

Hi, I’d love it if you’d like to read mine. It’s pretty cliché lol but I’m a sucker for it.

Title: Toxic love
Genre: Romance (drama?? there hasn’t been a lot of romance yet)
Author name: Lesley
Instagram: Lesley.episode
Oh and my favorite food is pizza, also cliché but it’s cliché for a reason right?? because everyone loves it x

1 Like

I don’t hate Stephen either. I think he’s actually one of the best characters :joy:
It’s Quinn I don’t care about, and I should because she’s the main character.

The dialogue choices that you get with Aiden don’t give me that vibe at all. It gives me either
a.) She doesn’t like him but she doesn’t want to outright say it or
b.) She actually hates him and she wants to outright say it

Girl… don’t. :joy:

I didn’t really mean their looks. I was mainly talking about her friend’s personalities were kind of all the same. Except the blonde one (Courtney?) who was just something all on her own :joy:

Just to be clear, I didn’t want to deter you from writing. I actually think you’re a good author. I think the idea was good, but the execution just wasn’t for me. I just really don’t like romance, I guess. :joy:

The dialogue choices that you get with Aiden don’t give me that vibe at all . It gives me either
a.) She doesn’t like him but she doesn’t want to outright say it or
b.) She actually hates him and she wants to outright say it

She doesn’t like him, I wasn’t saying she does. I said her dislike doesn’t just come from the fact he sleeps with a ton of women, it comes from the fact that he works for a magazine she feels is sexist. You do see glimpses of her warming up to him and beginning to realize she’s misjudging him, though.

Girl… don’t. :joy:

I know The Bad Boy Stole My Bra is a featured story, but it is actually not one that I have read yet. So :woman_shrugging:t2:

I just really don’t like romance, I guess.

You’re not the only one! I’ve gotten really good feedback from people who also don’t like romance so I think it just comes down to taste in general.

But anyways, like I said, thanks for your opinion! Have a great day :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

1 Like