I decided to go to the forums about this because I’m sure people could put out all their ideas and help me about with this. I also find it easier to type all this out rather than speaking to someone in person… which is actually the whole issue I have. The thing is, I don’t know how to bring this up with my family and friends (irl). So I’m hoping I could get some help from anyone willing.
Okay, so I’ve recently found something out about myself. About my identity. I’ve done research about this label (from the LGBTQ+ community) to make sure it fits how I’ve felt for as long as I could remember.
So here’s the whole story:
I’ve been out to my family as gay since I was very young. Much younger than most people when they first come out. And they’ve all been nothing but accepting and supportive of not only me, but of every letter in LGBTQ+ (as I’m always introducing queer topics with them and they always seem interested). The thing is, although they respect everyone for whatever they identify as, I never expect them to really understand what people with varying identities feel. And that’s what I’m nervous about. I know my family will love and support me no matter what I come out as, but I don’t think they would understand 100% what I feel.
Although I’ve always known that I am physically drawn toward men and only men, the thought of going on dates, getting married, and being romantically involved with anyone always gave me a weird feeling.
I’m in highschool right now, and though there have been guys I’ve felt attracted to, I was never comfortable with the idea of dating. I always kinda assumed it was just my social anxiety, and that I wasn’t yet ready for a relationship. Then I started imagining my future. When exactly will I be ready? I think to myself “I’m probably just gonna have my first boyfriend in college, then marry him.” I keep picturing this, and I still don’t like the feeling I get.
Again, I figured that was just because of my anxiety. But now there’s this:
I’ve always known that I wasn’t a romantic person. I never liked rom coms, I never liked cliches (candlelit dinners, rose petals on the bed, etc. ). They just never clicked with me. I’ve always preferred the physical interaction than the emotional bonding of relationships. Like with episode love interests for example, this is going to sound SUPER weird but, when they’re making out I enjoy it, but when the characters confess their undying love for each other, then I’m like “Okay, I get it. Please just move on with the story. Is this over yet? Sigh.” Then I realize, this is how I am in real life too. I imagine being in college and having multiple relationships that are either just casual and/or platonic. So now I think, “Does this make me some kind of playboy? Am I gonna turn into one of those guys who just ’doesn’t date?’” So I figure that I’ll explore however long I’d want to, then once I’m a mature adult I’d want to settle down. But the thing is, I don’t.
Then I start to think harder. After tons of questioning, I finally managed to put the pieces together. I just don’t want any kind of romantic relationship, not because I’m scared or that I’m a playboy or a slut, but because I’m just uncomfortable with the idea of being romantically committed to someone.
In other words: I don’t feel the need to be in a romantic relationship.
So I came to this conclusion.
I identify as homosexual aromantic.
Definition of aromantic: lack of experiencing romantic attraction to anyone, regardless of gender.
Since I found this out, I’ve been researching aromanticism to make sure my feelings correlate before putting a label on myself. And I definitely do think that I am aro.
I’ve already announced it with an IGTV video on my Instagram my handle is @crimsoncat_writes if you wanna follow me lmao for all my friends and followers to see. I’ve gotten such nice comments on it. They understand 100% and my epi friends have been nothing but proud and supportive.
What I have trouble with is explaining this to my family and friends irl. I have no clue how to bring it up and tell them all of this. I feel as though falling in love and getting married is everyone’s peak in life unless their aro lol so I’m worried they would think it’s sad. Tbh this doesn’t upset me at all. I’m just glad I found a word for what I’ve been feeling all this time. So what do I do? Should I put together a freakin PowerPoint or something?
If I could get anyone’s input, I’d be so happy. Please help me out.