Story description drama. (HEEELLLLPPPP)

I changed the description again, wich one is better?

  1. Me, a human made a deal with the devil. I just cant fall in love. Well,sounds easy right? Well thought wrong. I broke the rule and now I have the devil after me,seeking for revenge.

  2. You’re human and the devil. he has an offer for you: you’ll change into a nine tailed fox and vampire hybride but you cant fall in love. But what if the devil falls in love with you.

2 Likes

I like the second one best

1 sound best.

second is a confusing mess,

you added a . so it sound like she is both human and the devil.

vampire and nine tail fox, please pick one. both is a bit over the top.

I know its your story so your choice. but this just seem a bit weird. have you thought it through? are you sure you wanna do all the nine tell fox overlays

also nine tell fox is asian myth, the devil is european, I dont think he would have any power to do that. since its very diffrent myths.

I prefer the first,the second seems a bit confusing to me

I think both could be good with some work. There are some grammar issues that could be fixed to make them flow better and some rewording to help get rid of the confusion

Yeah the grammar on both is confusing. Maybe more like this?

Me, a regular human, made a deal with the devil. All I had to do was never fall in love. I thought it sounded easy, but I thought wrong. Now the devil’s after me, coming for what he’s owed.

You’re only human but the devil has an offer for you: you get to be an exciting new vampire hybrid and all it will cost you is your ability to fall in love. But what if the devil falls in love with you?

check my other post, I made lots of mistakes here, the other one is hopefully better