Please please be HONEST I am tired of people sugar coating.
Link:
Title: Truth or Dare!
Description:
During a sleepover between Anna, Kimmy, and Rose, a round of Truth or Dare goes way too far, Rose dares Kimmy to jump off a cliff!
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I’ll check it out right now! 
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Thanms. If you need a custom pose? I will make you one as my thanks
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Aw thanks! That’s so sweet.
I’m having a hard time finding it and the link isn’t working. Could you post a picture of the cover and is it under the same writer name of Danielle318?
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You need to use the link. I will send it again.
Op! I got it! sorry 
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Its fine
Hey! I read your story. So there’s a few mistakes but that can be changed easily! Otherwise the context is good but maybe try having a little more suspense in your story before she gives the dare? Or what happens after she jumps should be kept suspense until the next episode? Otherwise I liked it!
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So…what are your thoughts or opinions in how I can make my story better. Sorry if it looks sloppy. I have done all of it between today and 4 days ago
Okay. I’ll give it read and give my honeys opinion.
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It’s far from being sloppy don’t worry! Perhaps try doing some truth or dare rounds before they start saying it’s been a couple rounds we should spice things up a bit ( I know it’s not exactly what you said but it’s to give you the idea of what I mean) Then you continue it as it was. And if you want to add some suspense try adding some scenes where they’re looking for her. It will make your story longer and add a touch more of suspense
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Please don’t be discouraged. 
Review
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On the first text bubble there needs to be a space between 10 and P.M.
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Truth or dare doesn’t need to be capitalized in the middle of a sentence unless it’s an important fact. If so capitalize the whole word or use text effects.
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Why is Kimmy the only one in pjs?
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Rose and Anna look VERY similar.
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Rose should look more sad or awkward when telling Kimmy the dare.
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When Rose is speaking it shouldn’t be “before Anna spoke”, it should be “before Anna spoke/asked”
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You need to move Kimmy so she’s not behind Anna when she’s telling her not to do it.
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I don’t think Kimmy’s suicide was very realistic. She wouldn’t just be happy she jumping, she would just want to stop her pain. Like I said we need more set up.
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Rose mascara disappears after one scene. If you don’t feel like animating/moving the overlay every time she moves then I don’t think you should have it.
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Rose walks in the TV for some reason when’s she’s walking over to her mom.
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When Rose is in her room, I think you should give her a background with a actual bed in it.
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Maybe you should set up Kimmy a little more. Like have this be what the book opens with but it flashes back to six months before or something after she dies. Because why are we suppose to care that Kimmy jumped when we knew her five seconds.
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I think background music would be beneficial.
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Who exactly are we playing as? Why is this set in 2011?
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When Rose was saying she’s fine to go to school it should be a speak bubble not a narrator bubble.
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Can we get a little more set up with Rose grief. Like she’s not handling it, but I don’t think the dialogue is helping.
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For the phone scene I think a split screen would be better then switching back and forth.
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When Anna is says she doesn’t want to see Rose she shouldn’t just be so neutral.
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I think the scene should start with a text message saying go to school, but then Anna calls her.
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When Anna walks to her desk use the command:
@ANNA walks to spot xxx xxx x in 3 -
The phone and tablet overlays are very messed up. The big phone needs to have Kramer opacity set to 0.
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Of course! Can you give me some examples? So I get inspiration.
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Also, I was just being nit-picky.
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I got that. I know I have to fix that thanks!
I only capitalized it cause it is tge name of the game, is that wrong? Please let me know!
Well Kimmy decided to change clothes but Anna and Rose didn’t.
How? Should I change them? If so how? I like how they look. But give me SOME SMALL changes I can make.
Ok.
Uh…ok
Alright, sounds logical.
Kimmy’s jump. Will be more explained when she her past is more explained. Which is where I am going.
Ok.
Yes. Its because of the layering.
It has a part of a bed, but I have already so many scenes with this background and all that spotting that I feel like it takes to long and too much to re do all that. Sorry.
Ok, so. I know some people HATE flashbacks at the beginning of a story. I can start it off better, but I would need help. Can you help me through PM?
Yes. I am working on that, thanks!
Well all three of them. Rose, Anna and Kimmy. Kimmy part is later. 2011? Why not?
Ok. Sorry.
So…uh…I don’t know what ya mean.
Ok. It might take a while before that is updated because of Episode approving backgrounds and overlay problem at the moment.
Alright(I wrote that at 11 at night spare me please)
I know that command.
Kramer?
Overall, I would be helped a lot if you helped me improve over PM since there are so much, thank you for your NON SUGARCOATED review! @Summersprit
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Yeah, I’ll PM you.
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