Story Feedback Request

Hi all,

I just finished the first chapter of my story (please ignore the second, it’s not completed). I would appreciate any feedback, to make it more understandable or interesting. I might make the first chapter longer, depending on how the second might play out.

I can look at it

strange it wont load it

I just finished reading the first episode of your story.

I found your plot to be quite interesting so far. I do think that the chapter was way too short to really gain readers’ attention though so I would highly recommend that you make it a little longer.

Also, I noticed a couple of directing glitches. When Lily walks out of the kitchen in the second scene, she seems to grow as she walks offscreen. Make sure that, when you have her walk offscreen, you spot direct her so that she remains the same size and height. Also, in the scene with Ty and Dylan in the car, they pop onscreen after the transition. To fix this, make sure they are spot directed with the ‘&’ symbol before the @transition instead of the ‘@‘ symbol after it. Last, at the end of the scene when Dylan is thinking about what happened 8 years ago, I think a thought or narration bubble would fit better than a speech bubble since he isn’t talking.

Overall, though, I think you’re off to a great start. Keep up the good work! :blush:

Soo I read the first episode and I have to say it’s way too short to get the plot and to understand what’s happening and what the plot of the other episodes are gonna be. But I like that the main character is a mother and a grown up woman and not a teenage highschool girl as in pretty much the most stories (also in mine​:joy:) But I noticed a glitch when Lily moves out of the screen she gets taller so keep an eye on spot directing there :blush:

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