Story review feedback sci fi

[Kande10]

Good Afternoon

Would anyone like to review sci fi unpublish story for episode 1. it not fully finished.
Because I wanted to know if readers prefer art scene in being if that alright for only being, but I wanted to know.

if you wanted link comment below

[Rubae_Epi]

I can

[Rubae_Epi]

First thing I noticed was that your story warnings at the beginning are quite hard to read, they blend in with the BG too much.

The first sentence doesn’t make sense, you put “In a world full of mystery ways.” Which should be mysterious.

The second line doesn’t make much sense at all to me, I understand what you’re trying to say but the way its laid out makes no sense. “Do you ever wonder, why every day life. we see the moon each night.”

The art scene is great, the artist is very talented.
A lot of the narration over the top of it however, again, doesn’t make a lot of sense. For example “Without the moon, there will be no Exist On earth for a human generation.”
“Exist On” doesn’t need to be capitalised and something like “Without the moon, the human population would not exist.” would work better!

Carrying on through the narrative section a bunch of words are capitalised throughout the sentences that don’t need to be. I think a lot of it is very over explained too and you could condense this section.

Is English your first language? If you need any help with grammar or condensing the information I’m happy to help.

[Kande10]

@Rubae_Epi

First thing I noticed was that your story warnings at the beginning are quite hard to read, they blend in with the BG too much.

Thank you for feedback. it was hard to read because word has blend in with background, but I will have to change texture of word design and find a color that match background. @Rubae_Epi

Do know any color that don’t match to much into the background? @Rubae_Epi

@Rubae_Epi

The first sentence doesn’t make sense, you put “In a world full of mystery ways.” Which should be mysterious.

That true, I might as well change that sentence. @Rubae_Epi

@Rubae_Epi

The second line doesn’t make much sense at all to me, I understand what you’re trying to say but the way its laid out makes no sense. “Do you ever wonder, why every day life. we see the moon each night.”

That true, it like puzzle but I will change that as well for this sentence. @Rubae_Epi

@Rubae_Epi

The art scene is great, the artist is very talented.

Thanks, you. the artist is very talented.

@Rubae_Epi

A lot of the narration over the top of it however, again, doesn’t make a lot of sense. For example “Without the moon, there will be no Exist On earth for a human generation.”
“Exist On” doesn’t need to be capitalised and something like “Without the moon, the human population would not exist.” would work better!

The second sentence easy to read and understand @Rubae_Epi. I might change first sentence.

@Rubae_Epi

Carrying on through the narrative section a bunch of words are capitalised throughout the sentences that don’t need to be. I think a lot of it is very over explained too and you could condense this section.

That true, I try to shorten it. @Rubae_Epi

@Rubae_Epi

Is English your first language? If you need any help with grammar or condensing the information I’m happy to help.

Well, kinda yes but I never used English that much. Since I am from Caribbean. Can help me with grammar. since I having trouble with language.

[Rubae_Epi]

@Kande10

Do know any color that don’t match to much into the background?

I’d go with something more plain, or change your text to black with a white outline maybe? You’d have to try some different options.

@Kande10

Well, kind but I never used English that much. Since I am from Caribbean. Can help me with grammar. since I having trouble with language.

I’m happy to help, if you want to send me the script for the scene I’m happy to try and condense it for you in a way that makes more sense! Totally up to you if you want to do that though

[Kande10]

@Rubae_Epi

I’d go with something more plain, or change your text to black with a white outline maybe? You’d have to try some different options.

I maybe try different plain. but see if black with white outline work. that true @Rubae_Epi

@Rubae_Epi

I’m happy to help, if you want to send me the script for the scene I’m happy to try and condense it for you in a way that makes more sense! Totally up to you if you want to do that though

Thank you. I try send you script.