Story Reviewing!


I am opening review /feedback thread for first-time writers mainly

*But be warned - I tend to say all as it comes to my mind. I want to be brutally honest so if you feel like you will not be okay if I write you that- I suggest to not ask me for feedback. :slightly_smiling_face:

(but if you just want more reads please go to a R4R thread because writing feedback which nobody really wants is wasting of mine energy)

Therefore, there are limitations on what stories I will review:

Published stories – with limitations – I will make a review if it is your first published story and you have maximally 4 episodes published or you have less than 100 readers. If you have more than that, let me know why it is important I read it.
Not yet published stories- No limits
Ideas- I would love to give feedback on your story ideas as well!
What I Can offer:

I will concentrate mainly on your 1 chapter because this will decide if readers stay or keep reading, but I might read more chapters than 1

Honesty and constructive criticism. I am a fan of logical behavior and good storytelling. So, I will let you know if I see something that doesn’t fit or if the story is too rush and so…

I will also let you know if I spot some directing errors or will see some directing improvement.

Please remember:

Whatever I write is my personal opinion and you are free to not follow any of my suggestion. Whatever I write is with the intention to help you to improve………

Your feedback will be placed here as respond to your request.
Or you can tell me that you would like it in a private message!

I will try to be as quick as possible but it depends on how many review requests there will be… :smiley:

Thank You!

Just remember, this thread isn’t to bring you down about anything I say, it is just a pair of new eyes looking at your story and suggesting some things that you could improve on!

Everyone could always improve, even the big-time authors!


Hey! My story has 528 reads (the last time I checked). I would love for you to review it so that I can have another point of view reading my story. I love constructive criticism. I would love your input!

Thanks for the thread!!
My story is called intolerable corruption and the description and all is in the link below, let me know what you think on my insta @ell.epix the first 3 episodes are out now!

Hey! Thank you for doing this! :relaxed:
I’d love to have my story reviewed and I’d really appreciate any kinda feedback :green_heart:
Here it is ~

•Story title: Four Leaf Clover :four_leaf_clover:
•Genre: Drama/ Comedy
•Description: A new transfer student changes the luck of a friendship trio. Will they forget their unlucky past and finally find a “Four leaf clover” friendship, or will it come back to haunt them? Full CC/ Choices matter.

My Ig: @shen_episode

Story link :arrow_down:

My story has more than 100 reads, but mostly Just my friends read it, so I would love some feedback from somebody Who wasn’t forced to write me a fanmail :llama: , thanks! :joy:

Sorry for the delay!

  • Intro Longer and more in-depth (Show, don’t tell)-
    I think that your very beginning intro could have been a little bit more in-depth and longer. Including more background info and more in-depth scenes.

  • Long button intro-
    The part where the lake background shows up and then the world’s being to show up was dragged on. I think that it could have been shortened a little more.

  • Stretch out scenes a bit-
    I definitely believe that you could stretch out the scenes more. Don’t drag it on for the sake of length, but I think that you should add more details and explain the scenes more.

  • Dressing scene add a pause to look at the outfit-
    Just a minor thing, I think you should add a pause(s) after the dressing changes, that way we can see the outfit before changing or accepting.

  • Script errors-
    Just a few minor script errors, like overlays glitching for a second, or some height differences aren’t correct. Things like that should be easy to spot and just a quick fix!

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Okay thanks!

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  • Better connection between intro and art
    I feel that instead of jumping right into the art scene, that there should be a better intro and transition.
  • Music (annoying and overlapping)
    There were times where certain sounds became annoying and would overlap causing a mush of sound. So I believe that should be fixed up and sorted out.
  • Stretch out scenes, no hopping back and forth
  • Storyline was very hard to keep track of-
    The timeline was very confusing, and I feel that the story just keeps hopping back and forth.
  • Scripting errors
    Quite a few script errors
  • Capitalization errors
  • too much happening
    There was so much going on. I recommend adding length to the scenes and dividing the chapters up in a better way. there was just so much going on and too much for one singular chapter.
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Thank you! I’ll keep this in mind when i go to revamp chapter 1!

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Hi, soon can you review my first or second chapter? Also… how do you make a character laugh by itself without it linked to dialogue?

Yes! I will be able to do it this weekend after I read the other two requests.
You can say…
@CHARACTER is laugh_blahblah
&CHARACTER is laugh_blahblah

What about two characters saying a line together? :grin:

I’d be interested in your feedback, I just created a thread asking for feedback if you could check out my stories, they are all under 100 reads.

Well I don’t believe you are able to do that. If you would like to do that you would need to create a character that is names all or both. Then you would make that character say that as the characters you wanted to talk are doing the talking movements. Please DM me any further questions, as this thread is about story reviewing.

Hi! I’d like a review on my story which I just published today. It’s called Soul Searching.
I’ve been trying to get diverse perspectives, and I’d really appreciate yours!

Story link:

Thanks in advance!

-Nice intro
-Love the overlay use!
I don’t really have much to say! You did an excellent job!

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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

(I only read the first chapter)

Overlays are a bit choppy- There were a few instances when the overlays would be choppy, I recommend fixing that up, but it could just be a glitch.
Don’t introduce characters- Let the characters be introduced through the actions and dialogue, don’t introduce them (like Hi I’m main character, don’t do that)
More of a back story- I recommend adding more of a back story. I think that it would be better to see some of their life before they met, and the events leading up to their relationship.
Nice use of sounds!
Spot errors- There were a couple of spot errors, just fix those up. It was stuff like spot directing errors, and zooming in too far!
Slower pace- I say that you move the story at a slower pace, I just feel that there is a lot going on in a short amount of time.

I love the concept and you did a great job!

1 Like