Story Reviewing! PAUSED FOR A WHILE!

Sorry for the delay!

  • Intro Longer and more in-depth (Show, don’t tell)-
    I think that your very beginning intro could have been a little bit more in-depth and longer. Including more background info and more in-depth scenes.

  • Long button intro-
    The part where the lake background shows up and then the world’s being to show up was dragged on. I think that it could have been shortened a little more.

  • Stretch out scenes a bit-
    I definitely believe that you could stretch out the scenes more. Don’t drag it on for the sake of length, but I think that you should add more details and explain the scenes more.

  • Dressing scene add a pause to look at the outfit-
    Just a minor thing, I think you should add a pause(s) after the dressing changes, that way we can see the outfit before changing or accepting.

  • Script errors-
    Just a few minor script errors, like overlays glitching for a second, or some height differences aren’t correct. Things like that should be easy to spot and just a quick fix!

2 Likes

Okay thanks!

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  • Better connection between intro and art
    I feel that instead of jumping right into the art scene, that there should be a better intro and transition.
  • Music (annoying and overlapping)
    There were times where certain sounds became annoying and would overlap causing a mush of sound. So I believe that should be fixed up and sorted out.
  • Stretch out scenes, no hopping back and forth
  • Storyline was very hard to keep track of-
    The timeline was very confusing, and I feel that the story just keeps hopping back and forth.
  • Scripting errors
    Quite a few script errors
  • Capitalization errors
  • too much happening
    There was so much going on. I recommend adding length to the scenes and dividing the chapters up in a better way. there was just so much going on and too much for one singular chapter.
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Thank you! I’ll keep this in mind when i go to revamp chapter 1!

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Hi, soon can you review my first or second chapter? Also… how do you make a character laugh by itself without it linked to dialogue?

Yes! I will be able to do it this weekend after I read the other two requests.
You can say…
@CHARACTER is laugh_blahblah
or
&CHARACTER is laugh_blahblah

What about two characters saying a line together? :grin:

I’d be interested in your feedback, I just created a thread asking for feedback if you could check out my stories, they are all under 100 reads.

Well I don’t believe you are able to do that. If you would like to do that you would need to create a character that is names all or both. Then you would make that character say that as the characters you wanted to talk are doing the talking movements. Please DM me any further questions, as this thread is about story reviewing.

Hi! I’d like a review on my story which I just published today. It’s called Soul Searching.
I’ve been trying to get diverse perspectives, and I’d really appreciate yours!

Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6382173717987328

Thanks in advance!

-Nice intro
-Love the overlay use!
I don’t really have much to say! You did an excellent job!

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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

(I only read the first chapter)

Overlays are a bit choppy- There were a few instances when the overlays would be choppy, I recommend fixing that up, but it could just be a glitch.
Don’t introduce characters- Let the characters be introduced through the actions and dialogue, don’t introduce them (like Hi I’m main character, don’t do that)
More of a back story- I recommend adding more of a back story. I think that it would be better to see some of their life before they met, and the events leading up to their relationship.
Nice use of sounds!
Spot errors- There were a couple of spot errors, just fix those up. It was stuff like spot directing errors, and zooming in too far!
Slower pace- I say that you move the story at a slower pace, I just feel that there is a lot going on in a short amount of time.

I love the concept and you did a great job!

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Hi! I only have 1 1/2 chapters but I’d love to hear your opinion early on. This is one of my first stories and it hasn’t yet loaded on my phone so I could see it mobile so I’m sure it’ll be a little glitchy. Thank you so much though if you find the time!

Summary

http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5101098477748224

I don’t really have anything to say. I enjoyed your story, and I honestly think it was written very well! Keep up the great work.

1 Like

Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it :blush::gift_heart:

Hello, thanks you for this thread :raised_hands:t5:
My story has 8 chapters but only one is currently readable as a demo.

Tittle: Total Control: Blood Mist
Description:
A school ravaged by a former student is being brought back to former glory by a group of students. 8 other schools on an island struggle to maintain peace as a war wages between them. Help make alliances and obtain total control.

Style: LL
Read time: 10-12 mins
Has MC with limited CC
Choices in this chapter don’t matter but shows alternative routes
(Later chapters have extremely important measures)
Link:

Some things to note I’ve changed already.

  • Added periods to end sentences
  • Changed MC starting skin color to darker shade
  • Removed “HELPER”
  • Fixed loading of scenes
  • Restyled dialog characters use when singing
  • Other small stuff

Unfortunately those changes won’t be seen till I release the full season which will contain 9 chapters.

Thanks in advance :wave:t5:

Okay, I am SO SORRY. I thought that I pushed enter on this like a week ago, but I just opened forums and turns out I have just had my draft sitting here, re-reading it right now!

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