Story Reviews! (Advice, Tips)


#1

Hi guys, :star2:
I’d love to help out some writers by giving reviews on the first chapter of your stories. Please note, my feedback should not be taken as fact and other readers may not agree with my opinions. I’m simply giving advice on what I have learned on my time on episode. Please don’t take any criticism to heart, I will only be giving advice on changes I think would improve your story.

If there’s anything in particular you would like me to give my advice on (cover, description, etc) then let me know. For every review I will give feedback on characters, plot, choices and directing.

If you would like me to read your story and give feedback simply fill out the information below and I’ll find the time to read through your first chapter. :grin:

Story Name:
Author Name:
Description:
Link:
Cover:


#2

Hi! Thank you for this thread and for your time! :two_hearts:
These are my story details, hope you’ll like it!

Author Insta: @bonniedundee.epi

Title: Game Of Disguises

Style: Ink

Chapters: 5

Genre: Drama/Action

Brief Description: Two best friends have fun by disguising themselves as other people and attend luxurious and fancy events, but what happens when they find themselves in the wrong place and at the wrong time?

LGBT inclusive + Advanced Directing

Link:


#3

Hey, I would love to get feedback. :slight_smile:
Story Name: Unexpected Attachment
Author: Ava R
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5193523611303936
Cover:


#4

I’d love some feedback!

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5040097505705984

Story: BLACK BETTY
Genre: Comedy/Drama
Plot: Betty is a small town girl with big dreams of becoming a rock star. Navigating stardom, relationships, fans, and parties…Will she make it or break it? CC

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#5

Hi @Rebecca_478! I’d love it if you could give some feedback on @S.Dsana and I’s story! :blush:

Story title: Quiet Confidence
Author’s Name: Winter05 with S.Dsana
Genre: Drama
Story style: INK
Description of the story: People don’t talk to you, but not because of your status. What will happen when a billionaire sets his eyes on you to take you to the top?
Number of episodes: 3 [ONGOING]
Instagrams: @winter05.episode with @princesssana_sa
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4942036682014720
image

Hope you enjoy it!! :heart:

~ Winter :snowflake:


#6

You, Me And The Beat by Anna
Money. Power. Travelling. What happens when you lie to your overprotective Dad to fulfill your dream of becoming a singer. But watch your step… your secrets will catch up…

LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6647066234454016

I can’t put the cover right now, but I will later :slight_smile:


#7

Hi,

Thank you for starting this thread! I would love a review. I’m always looking for ways to improve my story and I look forward to your feedback.
Here’s my story:
Title: The Essentia Chronicles
Author: Tldax913
Style: Ink
Genre: fantasy
Number of episodes: 10 (ongoing)
Description: When a powerful young couple steals the Kings most prized possession, it starts a chain reaction that will either destroy their world or return it to its former glory.
Link: HTTP://episodeinteractive.com/s/6652498123816960
Thank you :slightly_smiling_face:
-TD
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#8

Hi I would love some feedback.
Tittle:Mr Bond’s Murder
Genre:thriller (with contents of mystery and comedy)
Author:Mystery Maker
Episodes: 7 (Ongoing)
Description:A snowy night, a few clues and a murder investigation where no one is reliable to be trusted…
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6705429627011072

Hope you enjoy reading.

-Mystery


#9

Hi @bonniedundee ! I just read the first chapter of your story. It’s no problem at all, I know how helpful it can be to get some criticism on how to improve your story. Hope this is of some use.:star:

Characters
First of all both of your main characters add a lot of humour to your story and I loved the dynamics between Rodrigo and Naima. They both came across as realistic and I thought they were very entertaining. They make the reader interested in their story and their dialogue is hilarious.

Plot
From a first look the plot of your story seems interesting but I recommend trying to quicken the pace your plot progresses. Readers lose interest if you can’t hook them from the first chapter!

Choices
The 3 choices in your first chapter were good, however I recommend for the length of your chapter, perhaps add some more choices throughout (they could be as simple as how Naima responds to Rodrigo). This will help readers to feel more involved. Personally in my experience, I keep reading the stories that are very interactive and make me feel involved.

Directing
Your directing throughout your chapter was brilliant. Every piece of dialogue was animated accordingly and the animations (transitions, zooms) were very entertaining. I loved the way you had Naima take off her disguise. The only recommendation I would make is limit your jump cuts (@zoom on XYZ in 0) the cafe scene felt slightly jumpy.

Other
I think you should have a look at the description of your story and try and make it more striking to a reader. This is your first impression and you want to drag readers in by these few sentences. Look at key things that you pick up on when reading descriptions, what do you see and think “Wow my cup of tea” :joy: . Use short quick sentences that help grab the reader to add tension and suspense. Your cover is amazing and I’d definitely click on it from first impressions.

Hope this is some help and I’m interested to see where you’ll take the story! x


#10

Hi @ava_episode! Just read your chapter there and I have some feedback, hope this is useful and helps. :two_hearts:

Characters
You’re characters seem to have strong relationships with each other and I found that very entertaining to read. However, as a reader being introduced to 6 or 7 characters at once can be slightly confusing.

Plot
The plot of your story seems really interesting and I can see how this story can progress in the future. There were lots of storylines to follow and questions I wanted answered, this will make readers read on. However, I recommend trying to explain to the reader more clearly who our important characters are, what the main objective of your story is and where it will be going in the first chapter. We only have one chance to keep them invested in the story.

Choices
There was one choice in your first chapter and normally your looking for 3-4 depending on the length. This will make your story more interactive and make readers feel involved in controlling their character. The more important the choice the more entertainment you bring your reader, most authors use “important” choices but have them all lead to the same ending allowing the reader to believe that they’re choice was vital (really it made no difference). Even simple choices like how to respond to a character can bring more of a personal feel to your story.

Directing
Adding talking animations for each line of dialogue will definitely add to your story. For example instead of…
NESSA (talk_happy_smile)
Hi
How are you
Have…
NESSA (talk_happy_smile)
Hi
NESSA (talk_happy_agree)
How are you
I noticed this a couple of times in you’re first few scenes. Also I would recommend tidying up some spot placements, for example having the characters in the correct layers for hugs and not too close when fighting. However you have very smooth transitions, pans and zooms throughout that added a smooth feel to your chapter.

Other
You’re description is really good and I would click on your story after reading it as there are a lot of narrative hooks and questions I would want answered. I loved the cover at the beginning of the chapter!

I hope this is useful, you have a really interesting story and I’m interested to see where it goes. :star: x


#11

Hey! Thanks so much! I’ll surely take this into consideration and edit the first 4 chapters. I myself think that the first 3 chapters are not well directed since I was new to it. Thank you so much! :green_heart:


#12

Hey @jessfox13, I’ve just read your first chapter. :star: Hope this feedback is helpful.

Characters
I loved your characters and I thought that they all seemed realistic. Each character had different qualities and personalities that made them stand out to a reader. I loved the dialogue between Meera and Luke in class, it was very entertaining to read.

Plot
Your story has a clear plot line for a reader to follow. Every story needs a problem that needs to be resolved, yours is clear in your first chapter.

Choices
Your first chapter had 3 choices, including the two create a characters. I found this good for a first chapter, as generally I feel 3 or 4 choices per episode (depending on their size) is enough plenty. However for future episodes I recommend having some choices that make the reader believe they’re altering the story; whether that be the dialogue or serious decisions.

Directing
Your directing throughout was amazing. I loved the animations used, the actions of the characters and the movement of your characters was smooth. Transitions and zooms throughout added to the overall feel to the story.

Other
I loved the music used in the story, you have a very good cover and your description drew me in.

Excited to see what happens next! x


#13

No problem, again hope this is helpful. As for directing it was really good for your first time attempting it! You should see what some of my attempts were like when I first started. :joy: Your story was really entertaining and you have a really good idea. I’m planning of reading on. Got to find out where you take it from there!


#14

Thanks so much!!! That is incredibly helpful. It’s so hard to know if it makes sense on paper and not just in my head haha. I really appreciate you taking the time!


#15

Thank you so much! :slight_smile:


#16

No problem at all, really enjoyed your story!! I know it can be really difficult, I’m always looking for advice for the same reason :joy:. Good luck writing x


#17

Hi! I’d love a review on my story! Thank you in advance!!
Here’s my story:
Name: Girl of Deception
Author: IDONTKNOW
Number of episodes: 8 (reading the first chapter is fine though)
Description: Aria Lamar has is all. She’s rich, beautiful and smart. But she’s a selfish arrogant jerk. Little does she know that’s all about to change.CC in episode 6 choices matter
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5855942598328320


#18

Hey @WinterMoon05! Just checked out your first chapter. Hope this feedback is helpful.:star:

Characters
Your characters seem very realistic, I loved the relationship with Angel’s mum. The flashbacks of her previous jobs and the hints at her backstory made the character more interesting to read about.

Plot
Your plot is clear in your first chapter and it easily draws the reader in. The cliffhanger ending was really good, I find I read on most of the time just to answer cliffhangers. The pace progressed at a reasonable rate, it wasn’t to slow and didn’t jump quickly from point to point.

Choices
Your first chapter had two choices, one a character customisation. I would recommend adding a few more choices in future chapters. Personally I like stories that I feel I’m involved in, every reader likes choices they feel are vital and alter the story. From first impressions I feel this could add to your first chapter.

Directing
Your chapter was very well directed. Each character had actions and all dialogue was animated well. Your transitions were very smooth and I liked the pans you used in the chapter. I read episodes on an iPad and I found that your zooms were very close and on my device they cut off part of the characters heads. (that could just be my device) I feel adding some wider shots would open up scenes for readers, and limiting zooms could mean they become more effective in moments of high tension.

Others
I would recommend revisiting your description, your story is very well written with an interesting plot that deserves to be read. Your description needs to grab readers and persuade them to click on your story out of hundreds. Use short sentences that grab attention and put in only the important information. Look at other descriptions of some popular stories, see what they have in common - what stands out to you? I love your cover and love the personal touch of having the authors talk at the end.

Hope this is of some help. Loved your story! x


#19

USERNAME: CJRIVERS
NAME: IT’S ABOUT TIME
COVER:


DESCRIPTION: Watches that go back in time, strange dreams, a cute boy and the adventure of a lifetime sums up the perfect story which you are about to read!
GENRE: COMEDY, ROMANCE, ACTION
EPISODES:3 (more coming soon!)


#20

Thank you so much for this review, it was clear and concise and I’ll surely keep in mind those recommendations :two_hearts: thank you again so much! Xx