Hi @ava_episode! Just read your chapter there and I have some feedback, hope this is useful and helps.
You’re characters seem to have strong relationships with each other and I found that very entertaining to read. However, as a reader being introduced to 6 or 7 characters at once can be slightly confusing.
The plot of your story seems really interesting and I can see how this story can progress in the future. There were lots of storylines to follow and questions I wanted answered, this will make readers read on. However, I recommend trying to explain to the reader more clearly who our important characters are, what the main objective of your story is and where it will be going in the first chapter. We only have one chance to keep them invested in the story.
There was one choice in your first chapter and normally your looking for 3-4 depending on the length. This will make your story more interactive and make readers feel involved in controlling their character. The more important the choice the more entertainment you bring your reader, most authors use “important” choices but have them all lead to the same ending allowing the reader to believe that they’re choice was vital (really it made no difference). Even simple choices like how to respond to a character can bring more of a personal feel to your story.
Adding talking animations for each line of dialogue will definitely add to your story. For example instead of…
How are you
How are you
I noticed this a couple of times in you’re first few scenes. Also I would recommend tidying up some spot placements, for example having the characters in the correct layers for hugs and not too close when fighting. However you have very smooth transitions, pans and zooms throughout that added a smooth feel to your chapter.
You’re description is really good and I would click on your story after reading it as there are a lot of narrative hooks and questions I would want answered. I loved the cover at the beginning of the chapter!
I hope this is useful, you have a really interesting story and I’m interested to see where it goes. x