Hi @aprilish, I just finished your first chapter! Hope this feedback is helpful.
I really liked the characters in your story. The main character seemed very realistic and was entertaining to watch. You made the relationships seem very natural, therefore again making the characters more lifelike.
I felt the pace of your first chapter was really good, every scene felt necessary and it added to the story. I would recommend to make the world feel more realistic, explaining where Arion’s world fits in with Leslie’s. Is he in the same country? What country does the Queen rule over? Establishing this in the first chapter will make it easier for readers to follow the plot and make the world more realistic.
You had loads of choices throughout your first chapter. Your choices included character customisation, dialogue and actions. This made your story feel very interactive and personal to the reader.
I really liked your directing throughout the first chapter. You had great zooms, pans and transitions. Your animations were very entertaining to watch and made the chapter very realistic. I liked the use of weather effects as this allow made the story more entertaining visually.
I think you have a really strong description, there is enough questions and hooks that it made me want to find out more. I love the music used in your story as this added another element to the story.
I hope this feedback is helpful. I really enjoyed your first chapter. Good luck writing.