Story Reviews: CLOSED ATM SRY GUYS


#1

Pending reviews: 8

PLEASE READ BEFORE ASKING FOR A REVIEW!!

Hello everyone. So this is a thread for reviews and reviews ONLY. I would appreciate if you don’t use this thread to merely promote your story. I see some stories on EVERY SINGLE THREAD so if you’re that desperate, this is not the place for you, Next! I will be looking for the following from each story:

PLOT
-Is your plot complex, or simple? Simple plots can be okay (sometimes) depending on how they are portrayed.
-does the plot flow nicely, move too quickly, too slowly?
-do you have enough cliff hangers to make the readers WANT to keep reading
-do you have too much narration?
-is your plot well explained, or does the narrator need to explain everything.

CHARACTERS
-do your characters act like human beings or like fictional characters?
-Make characters relatable meaning they have flaws
-are your characters diverse?
-Some characters might not be developed/thought through enough making them confusing
-are the character’s dialog realistic?

DIRECTING
-similar to some of the elements mentioned in the plot section
-is your directing choppy?
-small directing errors are excusable, but are they constant?
-try to use custom overlays and backgrounds. This makes stories more interesting
-do you use complex directing, or are lazy with some scenes

CHOICES
-do the choices matter to the plot? Saying stuff like “Mary will remember this” makes the reader feel like their choice had an influence
-do you get lazy with choices?
-do you have ENOUGH choices?

SPELLING/GRAMMAR
-A few spelling/grammar errors are okay, no one is perfect, but if they are repetitive, it makes the quality go down
-do you use long and complex sentences in dialoguePROOFREAD that wouldn’t necessarily need it?
-PROOFREAD YOUR STORY

Okay, so that’s what you will be reviewed on. I won’t sugar coat anything, and might come across as strict. I’m sorry but I tend to be pretty critical while reviewing. I won’t read more than 10 episodes of your story because I only have so many passes. Remember, this is my opinion, and my opinion only so don’t feel pressured to change anything just because I said so. Each section will weigh a certain amount, and then all of your points will be added together for a final score.

PLOT: ____/20
CHARACTERS: ____/5
DIRECTING: ___/10
CHOICES: ___/10
SPELLING? GRAMMER: _____/5

TOTAL:___ /50

NOTE: Please only request a review if you actually need one and are planning to accept the feedback. These take a REALLY long time because I like to do them thoroughly. Everyone will get a total of 6 complete paragraphs of feedback. Every now and then I may temporarily close the thread to catch up. Any promotion of your story will be deleted

Just leave the details of your story down below and any other factors you may want me to consider while reviewing (ie English may not be your first language etc)


#2

Can I request a review for one of my stories?

Title: Projection!
Author: Karlon Artis
Genre: Comedy
Style: Limelight
Number of episodes: 8 (ongoing)
Description: Harry Stevens is looking for his big break in the world of musical theatre. But what will it take to get there?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6046875219918848


#3

-I am still looking on ways to grow, specifically on my first episode. I want to know if it is engaging enough to entice readers to keep going (especially because this is my first contest piece). I think my story is interesting, especially after chapter 1, but I want to know if 1 is enticing enough.
_and i would like to know if i need to spice up my description as well!

Thank you for your time!

TITLE: H & V: In Too Deep
Author: Sweet Stories
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Limelight (CC)
Episodes: 4 (on going)
Description: You move to Miami to start your new life, but get in a dangerous situation that causes you to be mixed up with a handsome stranger. And boy is he more than what you bargained for.

I personally have been posting on other post, but thats because I really use to criticism since it is my first contest piece. I find that review have helped me grow so much as a writer, I ended up wiring a story better than I thought I could.


#4

Ok so I just read the first few episodes and here is your review:

PROJECTION!

PLOT: 10/20
So I think the plot is generally pretty good I just found it to be a bit fast moving and not that intriguing. Maybe consider adding some more drama or plot twists. At the beginning, you are basically just following around the character and it didn’t seem that interesting to me personally. But overall, the plot is pretty decent, it just needs a bit more developing.

CHARACTERS: 2/5
I had a few problems with the characters. First of all, each character seems to have one personality while realistically, people have many. Also, Harry tended to narrarate the whole story by saying stuff like “time to go to class” while he would realistically be thinking that. Danielle is strange to me that she sees Harry for the first time and falls head over heels for him??

DIRECTING: 7/10
Your directing is generally good. The only problems I found were that you tend to reuse the same animations over and over again. You used the sheepish animation 3 times in a row and I noticed the cheering animation was also used a lot. The transitions were a bit abrupt and I don’t think it’s nessecary to say “one day later” every time there is a time change. By using a black screen, it makes your story a bit choppier. Maybe make your transitions subtler by using the reader message command (readerMessage One day later…) or just put it in the narrator box. You can even show it by making the character fall asleep then wake up.

CHOICES: 8/10
You included a nice amount of choices. The only reason why I didn’t give you a 10/10 is because the majority of the choices were super minor like how Harry feels about something, which initially has no affect on the story itself. But generally the choices were pretty good!

SPELLING/ GRAMMAR: 5/5
Flawless! The only suggestion I would have is to make some of the dialogue between Harry and his friends a bit simpiler because people realistically wouldn’t have as grammatically correct conversations as your characters do. Excpecially when characters are texting becaus that’s when they are partially informal.

TOTAL: 32/50
I think your story was overall pretty good. I think you should try to make a few changes to some areas but I liked most of it. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!


#5

I’ll read it right now and write the review tomorrow♥️


#6

Thank you so much! That will give me enough time to tweak things before the contest starts. I really appreciate it! :heartpulse:


#7

Thank you so much for doing this! I want to make sure my story is good as it can be, and will happily accept any feedback you have. :slight_smile:

Title: Gang Affiliated
Author: Annie K.
Genre: Romance
Style: INK
Number of episodes: 27 (You don’t have to read all of them of course, only as much as you want to)
Description: Teenage girl Jupiter is suddenly forced into the gang life, followed by drama, trauma, and sexy gang leaders.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6729805148717056


#8

Thank you so much for doing this! I’ve been working on this story for well over a year, but I transfer it to episode format much slower. Now because my story isn’t published yet there will be some grammatical errors and things like extra characters not named yet but I more want your opinion on the episode’s direction. Do you think the plot unfolds fast enough and do you find the characters realistic?
I’d recommend that you read at least until the 3rd episode (4 are completed so far), but feel free to only read the first! I understand how busy you must be!

Title: Switched Royalty
Author: Robin Bennet
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/65977307590819842
Summary: Thrust into the life you were suppose to live, into the middle of a revolution, and romance- can you save your nation?


#9

Thank you for this!!
I would appreciate an honest review <3

Form: Ink
Username: ltxo
Author Name: Lara
Story Title: From Girly to Manly
Genre: Romance/Fantasy/Adventure
Description: Ever since the new queen’s reign the kingdom has been divided. There is a barrier between men and women. What happens if you have to pretend to be a boy, but then start to fall for the guy you deceived? [CC]
Published: Yes, Episode 8 so far

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5238987157798912


#10

Hey, can you please review my story?

Title: Romantic Cruise
Author: Lawful Evil
Style: Ink
Genre: Romance, Drama
Episodes: 4 [Completed] 2 endings
Description: You break up with your cheating boyfriend and go on a cruise. What will happen if you meet a mysterious dangerous man? Customize Characters
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4697971707478016


#11

I only read the first 3 chapters before I ran out of passes and I want to get you your review as fast as possible so here is a review for the first 3 chapters.

H & V: IN TOO DEEP

PLOT: 16/20
This plot is really good. I think your title is really creative and it moves at a nice pace. I think there are a few plot elements that take a bit too long to answer, but other than that I really like this plot. I also liked how there are cliffhangers/plot twists throughout the episode, rather than only at the end. Also, episode 1 really caught my attention and I like how it doesn’t take too long for the plot to jump into motion. The plot feels sort of similar to Percy Jackson which has a similar idea of wanting to reunite with god parents.

CHARACTERS: 4/5
Your characters were relatable in most cases. I just feel like the team of demigods could have more than one personality as it is pretty clear that each character acts one certain way (Skull is cruel and dark, Trix always looks for the good in things, etc) Maybe have a scene where Skull feels sorry for someone, or Trix grows to hate someone. That would make it a little more realistic because one character wouldn’t only have one set of emotions. I love Malak’s character

DIRECTING: 9/10
I found a few minor directing errors like in the scene with Craig talking to Rosey, the fliers in her hand magically disappear. I’m also writing a story about demigods right now, and I would recommend that you consider using custom overlays when they use powers. Also, in some scenes like the one with Craig, Rosey appears taller when realistically wouldn’t Craig most likely be taller?

CHOICES: 10/10
The choices seemed frequent and influential. I just haven’t seen the affect on the story even though you say “Jaxon will remember this”. Maybe try doing something like this: You have a choice to invite Jaxon over, or leave him on the street. You chose leave him on the street. Later in the story, Rosey asks if she can come over and then Jaxon says no because you left him on the street. Then in the reader message, you can write “Jaxon didn’t let you in because you rejected him earlier”. This shows the reader that their choices really mattered to the plot.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR: 1/5
Unfortunately, I found quite a few spelling/grammar errors. The guy with amber eyes says: “Bro, I about died when you said that.” When it should be “I almost died…”. Then Jaxon is complaining about the room when he says “view a parking lot instead of the beach”. I think you meant “view of a parking lot…” Then someone said “an other” instead of another and I found a few more. Just check over your spelling/grammar a bit more and I’m sure you’ll find the rest :grin:

TOTAL: 40/50
Nice work! I really enjoyed reading the first 3 episodes of your story and look forward to reading more. I think it could potentially win the contest (and I really hope it does because you deserve it). KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!


#12

THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH for this review!

Thats so funny you picked up on that because I actually was inspired by the percy jackson series. My usual focus on stories is romance, but for the contest I wanted to branch out and try something different!

I’m really glad that the first episode grabs people’s attention. The pilot episode is the biggest test lol and that was my worry ahaha!

I totally agree when it comes to the characters–> I first wanted to establish their traits before switching it all up. My whole idea behind the Heroes And Villains contest is that, anyone can be a hero and anyone can be a villain. Whether you do good or bad things depends on what you want. things will flip around 100% I want to show an arch in all of my characters. (episode 4 is where that all starts)

Oooooo thank you! I’m going to try and fix those things now! and yes! i really need some overlays. i need to learn how to make some.

And yes! when it comes to the choices that exactly what I plan on doing. It’s just that some choices effect that episode and others effect later ones. I’ll for sure work on that more :blush:

YES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CATCHING THESE! I’m going to go fix them.
(the about died one though is something that people actually say around here… mmm so i’m not sure if i want to change that one… just cause I still want it to sound like natural conversation)

THANK YOU SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH! I’m going to finish correcting these! This took a lot of work and I am extremely flattered that you feel like I have a chance! That means the world to me.


#13

I really loved your story and I hope you do well in the contest :heart:


#14

Hey! My name is Dani! :black_heart:
I would appreciate an honest review :blush:
Here’s my story:
Title: Darkness
Author: Dani
Genre: Romance/Mystery
Style: Ink
Description: If you can’t get away from darkness, you learn to live with it… A vampire story with action, adventure, mystery and, of course, romance!
This is not a cliche vampire story!
Episodes: 6 (more to come)
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5439290271858688
Instagram: daniepisodewriter


#15

Thank you! I really appreciate that!


#16

Hi there! I would love to get a review for my new story!

Title: H & V: Shadows of My Past
Author: Zayen Ng
Genre: Action
Style: Ink
Number of Episodes: 3 (Ongoing)
Story Description: Running from a secret organization that raised you as an assassin, how long could you hide before your past catches up to you? How far will things have to go before you kill again?
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4909984744865792


#17

Hello! I would love e review, too.
Title: H&V: Your Silhouette
Summary: You live in Firea and you’re a part of elite Firean troops. You’re a Shade. Help your country, save your friends’ lives and find your love!
Style: Ink
Episodes: 3 (on-going)
Genre: Action, fantasy, romance
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5060789914959872


#18

Dear Eden,

Thank you very much for creating this thread, this is EXATLY what I am looking for. We all want others to like our stories but ultimately it’s constructive criticism that helps us improve.

Here is my first story ever, so I would highly appreciate your feedback as I want to develop my Episode writing skills to make GOOD QUALITY stories. Also, English isn’t my first language so if there are mistakes or some places that need improvement — please, still let me know, don’t go easy on me just because I am not a native speaker.

Here are the story details:

Name of story: H & V: Fate
Author: Alex Af
Genre: Thriller
Episodes: 4 (completed)
Summary of story: Young ambitious journalist hunting down a powerful tycoon who has made a fortune based on lies. But who really is a villain here? Choices matter.
(maybe upon reading the story you can actually suggest a better description?)
Link to story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6548486212681728
Instagram: @episode.alex.af

Thank you very much in advance!


#19

Hi I would love it if you check out my story which is called Geek.
I have only 36 reading views and everytime I launch my story on my episode I get only few like and no one seems to answer my polls… So I was wondering if theres something wrong with my story that makes it not interesting. Please rate my story and help me out :slightly_smiling_face:
P.S I believe my cliff hangers aren’t good and my directing is I would day “ok”.
can you please help me on what’s wrong .

P.S (again) I know its gonna take you a while to get to my review, can you at least tell me when you would review my story (when you have the time)

Story: Geek
Author: Avis Pond
Instagram: @avispond.episode_foodlover


#20

Maybe in like a week at the earliest? I have a lot to do atm but I hope to get to your’s asap