Stubborn Live episode 1 is published 🤧

hey everyone! yesterday I published the first episode of my first story Stubborn Love! I’d really appreciate some feedback, tips etc.

link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6104428158582784

description:
Refusing help from others, you try to solve your parent’s murder all by yourself. However, when you accidentally sleep with your new co-worker, things get pretty messy. (CC)
(thank you @LaurelleE27 for correcting my bad grammar in the description!)

my instagram: @lizzy_on_episode

hope you enjoy!
(drop your story too so we can read it <3)

believe me l hate self promo but yeh

2 Likes

Stubborn Love: Episode 1

Runtime: 4 minutes, excluding CC

Description

With refusing help from others, you try to solve your parents murder all by yourself… up to when you accidentally sleep with your new coworker, things get pretty messy. (CC)

Refusing help from others, you try to solve your parent’s murder all by yourself. However, when you accidentally sleep with your new co-worker, things get pretty messy. (CC)

  • Remove the asterisk from around pretty.
Scene 1: CC

So much CC can be overwhelming. Customising the MC and LI makes sense. However, customising the family feels a bit excessive, especially since we barely saw the family. Unless you plan on them appearing in future episodes, you could automatically customise them based on the MC’s appearance.

Scene 2: Flashback

Why is the MC’s name Ashley, if I’m the MC?
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Scene 3: Intergation

Episode recommends having shorter speech bubbles.

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This case is exhausting.
I just want to work on my parent’s case as much as possible.

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Ever since I came to this precinct.

Scene ?: New-Coworker's Appearance

You often use commas instead of full stops and possibly vice-versa.
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Excuse me, ladies. Do you know where the captain’s office is?

Other

You don’t use any music, and scarcely use sound.

2 Likes

thank you so much for this! this is really helpful & I’ll keep everything in mind. thank you!

Glad to help.

Hope I didn’t come off as mean or anything. There are many good points that I haven’t listed. However, I read your story, only searching for mistakes as that is what’ll you be changing/improving.

1 Like

yes, I totally get that! again, thank you :blush:

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